Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Reduce hesitation and filler words, correct grammar and vocabulary, and make the response concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. For example, replace "in park star contaminated" with "parks were unclean" and avoid repeating words.

예시: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child. However, my parents rarely took me because they thought the parks were unclean and worried I might catch an illness, so I only went occasionally.

제안: Be more fluent and accurate: remove repetition, correct vocabulary and grammar, and give a clear reason with one example. Use linking words like "because" or "so" to connect ideas. Replace unclear phrases such as "come for a white dog" and "it's my irritate my body" with "people bring pets" and "I get allergic reactions."

예시: I usually avoid parks now because many people bring their pets there, and I am allergic to dogs, so being around them causes me to have itchy eyes and sneezing.

제안: Make your answer direct and organized: state your opinion first, then give specific supporting details with correct vocabulary. Avoid vague or incorrect phrases like "giant foods" — perhaps you mean "food stalls" or "street food." Use linking words such as "for example" or "because."

예시: Yes, I would like to see more parks. For example, our local "Tennis Park" is popular for walking and often hosts festivals and food stalls, which makes it a lively community space.

제안: Avoid repetition and tighten phrasing. Start with a clear topic sentence naming the park, then add two specific reasons why you want to visit, using linking words like "because" or "because of." Use natural collocations (e.g., "Central Park in New York," "green heart").

예시: One park I really want to visit is Central Park in New York because it is the city's green heart and I imagine it would be beautiful and peaceful. Also, I would enjoy relaxing there and watching people and street performers.

× As a child, I, I really liked going to parks, but, uh, my parents, uh, didn't take me a lot because, uh, they believe that in park star contaminated and I might get sick.

✓ As a child, I really liked going to parks, but my parents didn't take me often because they believed the parks were contaminated and I might get sick.

The original mixes past and present tense: 'really liked' and 'didn't take' are past, but 'they believe' is present; use past 'believed' to match. 'a lot' is informal and better replaced with 'often'. 'in park star contaminated' is ungrammatical; replace with 'the parks were contaminated' to convey past belief. Suggestion: keep tense consistent (use past when describing past habits) and use clear noun phrases.

× Nowadays I I still prefer not to go to the park because I think the the parks are contaminated because some people bring their cats and dogs to the parks and some people come for a white dog.

✓ Nowadays I still prefer not to go to parks because I think the parks are contaminated: some people bring their cats and dogs.

The speaker expresses a current preference so present tense 'prefer' and 'think' are correct. Remove duplicated words 'I I' and 'the the'. 'the park' should be plural 'parks' when speaking generally. The clause 'some people come for a white dog' is unclear and likely unnecessary; simplify to 'some people bring their cats and dogs'. Suggestion: avoid repetition and keep general statements plural when referring to parks in general.

× But I'm allergic to the dogs and it's my irritate my body.

✓ But I'm allergic to dogs and they irritate my body.

Use 'allergic to dogs' (no article) when speaking generally. 'it's my irritate my body' is ungrammatical; replace with 'they irritate my body' to match plural 'dogs'. Also 'they irritate my body' could be improved to 'they cause an allergic reaction' for clarity.

× Uh, yes, uh, there is a small park in my, uh, city named as a tennis park.

✓ Yes, there is a small park in my city called Tennis Park.

'named as' is incorrect — use 'called' or 'named' without 'as'. Remove unnecessary commas. 'Tennis Park' as a proper name should be capitalized. The 'there is' structure is correct but simplify for clarity.

× Uh, and uh, most of the people go there for, uh, walking and, uh, they say, uh, a lot of giant foods, uh, in that park and there are many festivals in that park and I would love to visit that.

✓ Most people go there for walking; there are many food stalls in that park and many festivals, and I would love to visit it.

Simplify and correct collocations: 'go there for walking' is acceptable though 'for walks' is more natural. 'they say a lot of giant foods' is incorrect; likely 'there are a lot of food stalls' or 'many food vendors'. Use 'visit it' rather than 'visit that'. Maintain present tense when describing current features.

× It would be a dream, but there's a specific part that it's my dream to visit that park and it's Central Park of the New York.

✓ It would be a dream; there's a specific park that I dream of visiting: Central Park in New York.

Use 'park' not 'part'. Avoid redundant phrases 'that it's my dream'. Replace 'of the New York' with 'in New York'. Use 'dream of visiting' as correct verb+preposition. Keep pronouns clear and avoid unnecessary 'that'/'it'.

× I think it's the green heart of the New York and it's very beautiful and it's a great place for relaxing and chilling and watching people.

✓ I think it's the green heart of New York; it's very beautiful and a great place for relaxing, chilling, and people-watching.

Remove the article before 'New York'. Use commas to separate activities and hyphenate 'people-watching' or use the gerund phrase 'watching people'. Avoid repeating 'it's' excessively. Maintain parallel structure in the list of activities.