Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and correct small grammar and word-choice errors. Begin with a clear topic sentence, avoid repeating 'used to', and combine short sentences with linking words. Add one specific memory to make the answer more vivid.

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. Near my home there was a large playground where my mother and I often played; we used the swings and slides, and I also made several close friends there, so it was a happy place for me.

제안: Reduce hesitations and correct vocabulary ('banks' → 'benches'). Start with a direct topic sentence and add one reason using a linking word. Keep to maximum five sentences and avoid fillers like 'umm' or 'you know'.

예시: Yes, I still enjoy parks, but I prefer those with facilities for adults. For example, I like parks that have benches and small cafés because I can sit quietly and relax after a busy day.

제안: Provide a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific comparisons or reasons with linking words. Avoid vague phrases like 'as well' at the end; be specific about benefits of more parks.

예시: Yes, I would love to see more parks in my city. Compared with larger cities like Istanbul and many European cities, we lack green spaces, which reduces opportunities for outdoor exercise and lowers residents' quality of life.

제안: Clarify meaning and remove hesitations. Correct unclear phrases ('make my head up' unclear, 'every count' incorrect). Provide a direct topic sentence, then one clear supporting detail about why you like visiting parks abroad. Keep within five sentences.

예시: I don't have any specific parks in mind, but I enjoy visiting parks whenever I travel. For instance, when I visit a new city I like to spend an afternoon in a local park to relax and experience the local atmosphere.

× There was a really big playground that I used to go with my mom near where I lived, and she and I used to play in it and I made new friends in it as well.

✓ There was a really big playground near where I lived that I used to go to with my mom, and she and I used to play in it, and I made new friends there as well.

The verb phrase 'go with' is incorrect for expressing visiting a place; it should be 'go to' + place. Also 'in it' is repetitive; use 'there' for clarity. Reorder 'near where I lived that I used to go to' for natural English. Suggestion: use 'go to' when indicating movement toward a place and replace repetitive prepositional phrases with pronouns like 'there'.

× Yes, I do, but not playgrounds as I used to.

✓ Yes, I do, but not playgrounds like I used to.

Using 'as' here is less natural; 'like' is the correct comparative word when comparing current preference to past habit. Keep present tense 'do' since question asks about current liking. Suggestion: use 'like' for comparisons of manner or habit.

× I like going to parks where there are umm, places that I can rest, you know, banks and cafes and such.

✓ I like going to parks where there are places I can rest, you know, benches and cafes and such.

The word 'banks' is likely a confusion with 'benches'; 'bank' is a financial institution and incorrect here. Also 'that I can rest' is wordy; 'places I can rest' is more natural. Suggestion: use the correct noun 'benches' for seating in parks.

× I like going to them and just relaxing.

✓ I like going to them and just relaxing there.

The pronoun 'them' refers to 'parks' (plural) which is fine, but adding 'there' clarifies location for 'relaxing'. Suggestion: include locative adverb 'there' when the verb implies location.

× I think that's a big problem where I live because there aren't as many green places as other big cities in my country such as Istanbul, and compared to European countries as well.

✓ I think that's a big problem where I live because there aren't as many green spaces as in other big cities in my country, such as Istanbul, and compared to European countries as well.

Use 'green spaces' (more natural collocation) and include 'in' before 'other big cities' for correct comparison. Also add commas for clarity. Suggestion: use 'as in other big cities' when comparing availability in different cities.

× Not any specific ones that I can think of right now, but I really enjoy going to parks when I visit a different country or a city, umm, to just relax and make my head up or you know, on the wind.

✓ Not any specific ones that I can think of right now, but I really enjoy going to parks when I visit a different country or city, to just relax and clear my head or enjoy the breeze.

Phrases 'make my head up' and 'on the wind' are ungrammatical and unclear. Use idiomatic expressions: 'clear my head' and 'enjoy the breeze' or 'feel the wind.' Also remove extra article 'a' before 'city' for parallel structure. Suggestion: learn common idioms for describing relaxation like 'clear my head'.

× So I think every count in every city or country that I visit I would love.

✓ So I think in every country or city that I visit I would love to visit the parks there.

Original sentence is ungrammatical and unclear: 'every count' is incorrect and word order is wrong. Rephrase to state intention clearly: 'in every country or city that I visit, I would love to visit the parks there.' Suggestion: keep subject, adverbial phrase, and verb in logical order and use correct nouns ('country' not 'count').