Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Focus on clarity, correct grammar and concise structure. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Correct verb forms and pronouns (e.g., "when I was a child", "my friends", "open space"). Avoid unnecessary or confusing words (e.g., "They will get paid to pray").

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks when I was a child. I often played on the swings and rode my bike with friends, and sometimes we had family picnics on weekends. These memories make parks feel warm and familiar to me.

제안: Use present-tense habits correctly and make sentences more natural and concise. Begin with a clear topic sentence, then give specific reasons using linking words (for example, "because" and "so"). Avoid filler phrases like "you know" and be careful with verb choice (e.g., "I go to the park after work to relax").

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. After work I often go there because they are peaceful and I can relax while looking at the sky and trees, which helps me feel refreshed.

제안: Clarify the location and improve accuracy of place names; use correct grammar and reduce repetition. Start with a direct opinion sentence, then provide clear reasons and one example. Replace informal phrases like "gonna" with "would be". Make comparisons or contrasts coherent (e.g., many mountains but few parks).

예시: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city. I come from Thailand, which has many green areas and mountains, but not many public parks. More parks would give people places to relax, exercise, and enjoy nature.

제안: Pronunciation aside, improve naming accuracy and provide clearer, specific details. Start with a direct answer naming the park correctly (e.g., "Royal Botanic Gardens in Melbourne"), then give two specific reasons using linking words (e.g., "because" and "so"). Avoid fillers like "uh" and vague phrases such as "a lot of thing".

예시: Yes, I would love to visit the Royal Botanic Gardens in Melbourne. It is large and full of native plants and birds, so I could walk through different gardens, do birdwatching, and learn about local plants.

× Yes, definitely. I like going to the park when I want a child.

✓ Yes, definitely. I liked going to the park when I was a child.

The sentence refers to past habitual action (as a child) so present tense 'like' is incorrect. Use past tense 'liked' and correct phrase 'when I was a child'. Suggestion: use past tense for habits in the past and include 'was' for age/state descriptions.

× They will get paid to pray and meet my friends and I love the swing and their open speed.

✓ I used to play and meet my friends, and I loved the swings and the open space.

Pronoun 'they' does not refer to a clear subject and 'get paid to pray' is incorrect word choice. Also 'their open speed' is wrong pronoun and noun. Correct pronoun is 'I' for the speaker, and proper verbs and nouns are 'used to play', 'swings', and 'open space'. Suggestion: use clear subjects and correct nouns.

× For example, I obtain when they're on weekend to ride my bike and I have a picnic with my family.

✓ For example, I would go on weekends to ride my bike and have picnics with my family.

The verb 'obtain' is incorrect in this context and the preposition 'on weekend' should be 'on weekends'. 'They're' is inappropriate; use a clear time expression. Suggestion: use 'go on weekends' and plural 'picnics' for repeated actions.

× Well, I will say yes, I still like going to the park because they are peaceful and I can live like after work, you know, every day after work I always go to the park to be like laid out a bit and see the sky.

✓ Well, I would say yes, I still like going to the park because they are peaceful, and I can relax after work. Every day after work I go to the park to unwind a bit and look at the sky.

Mixed and incorrect tense/modal use: 'will say' is awkward; 'would say' is better for a tentative present opinion. 'Live like after work' is incorrect phrase; use 'relax after work'. 'Be like laid out' is ungrammatical; use 'unwind' or 'relax'. Suggestion: keep present tense for current habits and use clear verbs for relaxing.

× The sky was blue. I feel comfortable and relaxed after.

✓ The sky is blue. I feel comfortable and relaxed afterwards.

Context refers to habitual present feelings when visiting the park now, so present tense 'is' fits better. 'After' should be 'afterwards' to function as an adverb. Suggestion: match tense to context and use appropriate adverb forms.

× I would love to if I can see more green in my city.

✓ I would love it if I could see more green in my city.

Use correct conditional structure: 'would love it if I could' is the standard form. 'Can' should be 'could' in a hypothetical. Suggestion: use 'would + base' with 'if I could' for unreal or desired situations.

× Actually I live in Thailand. Shanghai, Thailand is my hometown.

✓ Actually I live in Thailand. Bangkok, Thailand is my hometown.

The sentence names 'Shanghai' which is a city in China, causing factual/pronoun/place mismatch. If intended Thailand city, use a Thai city like 'Bangkok'. Suggestion: ensure correct proper nouns for place names.

× My hometown is anyway is a lot of green but it's not a lot of park.

✓ My hometown has a lot of greenery, but there are not many parks.

The original repeats 'is' and uses awkward structure. 'A lot of green' should be 'a lot of greenery' and 'not a lot of park' should be 'not many parks' with plural and quantifier. Suggestion: use 'has' for possession and plural nouns with appropriate quantifiers.

× There is a lot of mountain.

✓ There are a lot of mountains.

Countable noun 'mountain' should be plural when quantified. Also subject-verb agreement requires 'are' with plural noun. Suggestion: use plural form and correct verb agreement for countable nouns.

× But if they have more park in my city, it's gonna be good for everyone to go and chill and relax there.

✓ But if there were more parks in my city, it would be good for everyone to go and relax there.

Conditional sentence about a hypothetical present/future situation should use second conditional 'If there were... it would...'. Use 'parks' plural and avoid informal 'gonna'. Suggestion: use correct conditional forms for hypothetical situations and formal contractions.

× Yes, I would like to go to the body car garden park, uh, in Melbourne CBD.

✓ Yes, I would like to go to the Royal Botanic Gardens in Melbourne CBD.

'Body car garden park' appears to be a mispronunciation or incorrect name. Use the correct name 'Royal Botanic Gardens' for clarity. Suggestion: verify and use correct proper nouns.

× It's a big park. It's a lot of nature and like a lot of thing inside.

✓ It's a big park. There is a lot of nature and many things inside.

Use 'There is' to introduce uncountable 'nature' and 'many' with plural countable 'things'. 'A lot of thing' is incorrect. Suggestion: match quantifiers to countable/uncountable nouns.

× I can like uh, investigate nature bird or something like a bark there and.

✓ I can observe birds and explore nature there.

'Investigate nature bird' is ungrammatical. Use verbs that collocate with wildlife observation: 'observe birds' and 'explore nature'. Remove filler words and complete the sentence. Suggestion: use appropriate verb-noun collocations and concise phrasing.