Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Make your answer more direct and coherent: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition and filler words, and give one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words (for example, and, because) to connect ideas and keep sentences concise (no more than 3–4 short sentences).

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because they were my favorite place to explore. For example, I would walk from playground to playground and often stop by a friend’s house nearby to play together. I especially enjoyed the peaceful atmosphere and the chance to talk and relax with friends.

제안: Answer directly and use clearer vocabulary: say 'Yes' or 'No' then give a concise reason. Avoid unclear phrases and repeated words. Mention specific benefits (exercise, fresh air, relaxation) and link them with words like 'because' or 'so'. Keep to 2–3 sentences.

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me relax and clear my mind. I like being outdoors to get fresh air and light exercise, which improves my mood and energy.

제안: Be specific and avoid vague or awkward phrases. Start with a clear opinion, then give one or two precise reasons (e.g., more green space, better health, community areas). Use linking words like 'because' and keep sentences short and natural.

예시: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide green space for people to relax and exercise. More parks would also improve air quality and create places for community events and family outings.

제안: Organize your answer: begin with a direct statement about whether you plan to visit a park, then give a clear reason and a specific example of which park and when. Avoid irrelevant comments and unclear grammar. Use 2–3 linked sentences and specific time references if possible.

예시: Yes, I plan to visit a park near my childhood home in the future because I miss the peaceful atmosphere. I haven't had time recently due to a busy schedule, but I hope to go there next month for a relaxing afternoon walk and to meet some old friends.

× I really loved to go to the park when I was a child and I think I, I the thing the most, the most impeccable part is I can travel place to place.

✓ I really loved going to the park when I was a child, and I think the best part was being able to travel from place to place.

After 'love' or 'loved' when talking about activities, the gerund (-ing) form is preferred (loved going). 'The thing the most' is ungrammatical and should be rephrased to 'the best part'. Use past tense 'was' to match 'loved'. Use 'being able to' to express ability; use 'from place to place' for the idea of moving between locations.

× Uh, sometime I stop by my friend's house and house out kind of small and hearty conversation with them.

✓ Sometimes I stopped by my friend's house and had small, hearty conversations with them.

Use 'sometimes' (adverb) and past tense 'stopped' to match past narration. 'House out' is incorrect; use 'had' for having conversations. Use plural 'conversations' if this happened repeatedly. Adjectives should be ordered 'small, hearty'.

× I think it really knows that.

✓ I think that really mattered to me.

Original sentence is unclear and ungrammatical. Replace with a clear clause that conveys meaning: 'that really mattered to me' fits context of valuing visits and conversations.

× I guess absolutely I I still want to go to park mount.

✓ I guess so; I still like going to parks now.

To express current preference use 'like going to parks' (gerund) and plural 'parks' for general statement. 'Want to go to park mount' is unclear; 'like going to parks' fits the question asking about present habit.

× Others offer about the kind of really, uh, change for a, a change of values for minds while being not only that, it provides human with a lot of kind of acts oxygen, oxygen which is really, really impeccable for my well-being also, Yeah.

✓ It offers a kind of change of perspective, and not only that, it provides people with fresh air which is really beneficial for my well-being.

Replace vague 'others' and unclear phrases with 'it' (the park) or 'it offers'. 'Change of values for minds' is awkward; 'change of perspective' is natural. Use 'people' instead of 'human' and 'fresh air' instead of 'acts oxygen'. 'Beneficial' is appropriate instead of 'impeccable'. Maintain simple coordinated clauses with commas.

× Umm, yes, I would love to see more part in my city.

✓ Umm, yes, I would love to see more parks in my city.

Use plural 'parks' (article/number agreement) instead of singular 'part' which is a misspelling and incorrect. 'More' requires plural noun when countable.

× Uh, is when you get more tired and the more fresh, fresher energy got.

✓ When you get tired, you feel refreshed and have more energy.

Original sentence has poor structure. Use simple present 'get' and 'feel' for general truth. Use 'refreshed' (past participle used adjectivally) and 'have more energy' to express result.

× So I think more bark is something mean, really nice and impeccable for the public community.

✓ So I think more parks would be really nice and beneficial for the community.

'Park' should be plural 'parks' to match 'more'. Use conditional 'would be' to express opinion. 'Public community' is redundant; 'community' suffices. Replace 'impeccable' with 'beneficial'.

× When I was a child, I came out to a park in my Home Park.

✓ When I was a child, I used to go out to a park near my home.

'Came out to a park' is unnatural. Use 'used to go out to' for habitual past actions. 'Home Park' seems incorrect; 'near my home' clarifies location.

× Recently I cannot go there because my time and schedule have have made me don't have any kind of space or time to breathe.

✓ Recently I could not go there because my schedule has not left me any free time to relax.

Use past or present perfect consistently: 'could not' or 'have not been able to' are options. Remove duplicated 'have have'. 'Made me don't have' is ungrammatical; rephrase 'has not left me any free time'. 'To breathe' is idiomatic but 'to relax' is clearer.

× So I think in the future mostly want to go to my department in my home, something really interesting.

✓ So in the future I mostly want to visit the park near my home; it seems really interesting.

Add subject 'I' and use 'want to visit' for future intention. 'Department in my home' is unclear; likely 'park near my home' fits context. Keep tense consistent for future plans.

× But I think I don't care about how Internet is gone I think.

✓ But I don't care how the internet changes things, I still want to go.

Original is confused and ungrammatical. Use 'how the internet changes things' to express concern about internet's influence. Combine clauses with comma and clarify the speaker's attitude. Use present simple 'don't care' for general attitude.