Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and correct minor grammatical issues. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid filler phrases like "I would say" and "so yeah."

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I went there with my family every weekend, and we often hiked along rivers and enjoyed picnics. Because my father valued fitness, those outings were a regular part of our routine.

제안: Improve grammatical accuracy and tighten phrasing. Use one clear topic sentence, then link supporting details with a connector (e.g., "for example" or "because"). Replace vague phrases like "maybe" and "independency" with precise words.

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. For example, I often spend time there alone reading or having coffee because these activities give me a strong sense of independence and calm.

제안: Correct vocabulary and sentence structure, and provide a specific reason and one example. Replace incorrect words (e.g., "distress" should be "de-stress", "parts" -> "parks"). Avoid hesitations like "well".

예시: Definitely — I would love to see more parks in the city because they help people de-stress after work. For instance, after my shift many colleagues like to walk in a nearby park to relax and socialise.

제안: Remove hesitations and use a clear structure: state the park, explain what it is, and give a specific reason. Use precise vocabulary ("calm" -> "a sense of calm" or "it calms me").

예시: Yes — I want to revisit the aquarium park I used to go to as a child. It features large tanks of tropical fish, and watching them swim always gives me a strong sense of calm and relaxation.

× I would say I did enjoy going to parks as a child.

✓ I would say I enjoyed going to parks as a child.

The original uses 'did enjoy' which is an emphatic past tense form but unnecessary after 'I would say'. Using simple past 'enjoyed' is more natural and matches the recounting of a past habit.

× I remember going there with my family every weekend, would go there and hike.

✓ I remember going there with my family every weekend; we would go there and hike.

The original has a missing subject for the second clause ('would go there and hike'), creating a sentence fragment. Adding the subject 'we' or connecting clauses with a semicolon corrects the structure and clarifies who performed the action.

× I used to live in Brunei and my father was very active when it comes to physical health.

✓ I used to live in Brunei and my father was very active when it came to physical health.

The sentence mixes past reference 'used to live' with present-tense phrase 'when it comes'. To maintain consistent past tense for past habits, change to 'when it came'.

× I do believe so, yes.

✓ I do believe so.

While not strictly ungrammatical, 'yes' is redundant here. The sentence 'I do believe so' is complete and uses present-tense emphatic form correctly. Removing 'yes' improves fluency.

× As an adult I really enjoy going to parks and just spend my time there alone, reading a book maybe or maybe have some coffee.

✓ As an adult I really enjoy going to parks and just spending my time there alone, reading a book or maybe having some coffee.

Parallelism error: after 'enjoy' the verb should be in -ing form ('spending'). Also maintain parallel gerund forms in the list: 'reading' and 'having'. This ensures consistent verb forms.

× I enjoy going on solo dates and it gives me this sense of independency and peace.

✓ I enjoy going on solo dates and it gives me this sense of independence and peace.

The word 'independency' is less common and sounds unnatural here; the correct noun is 'independence'. This improves word choice and collocation.

× As a working adult, it is very helpful to us.

✓ As working adults, parks are very helpful to us.

The original sentence uses a dangling modifier 'As a working adult' followed by 'it is very helpful to us', creating unclear reference. Rewriting to 'As working adults' and specifying 'parks' clarifies the subject and corrects the structure.

× Whenever our shift ends, we can just, well, most of us like to distress and so parts are good for that.

✓ Whenever our shift ends, we can just, well, most of us like to de-stress, so parks are good for that.

Multiple issues: 'distress' is a noun/verb with different meaning (to cause stress) and is incorrect here; correct verb is 'de-stress'. 'Parts' is a typo for 'parks'. Also combine clauses with proper punctuation. This correction fixes vocabulary and spelling and uses proper verb form.

× Yes, there's this one park where I used to visit as a kid.

✓ Yes, there's this one park that I used to visit as a kid.

With 'park' as direct object of 'visit', use 'that' or 'which' rather than 'where'. 'Where' suggests location but 'visit' takes a direct object; 'that' is more natural.

× Umm it is like an aquarium park.

✓ Umm, it is like an aquarium park.

Minor punctuation: add comma after interjection 'Umm'. No preposition error; kept as stylistic improvement.

× I really love and enjoy seeing aquatic life and it just gives me calm watching the fish swimming.

✓ I really love seeing aquatic life, and it just calms me to watch the fish swimming.

The original 'gives me calm' is ungrammatical: use 'calms me' to describe the effect. Also change 'watching' to infinitive 'to watch' or keep gerund but restructure: 'calms me to watch' or 'calms me watching'. Using 'calms me to watch the fish swimming' is natural. Adjusted verb forms for subject-verb agreement and natural expression.