Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Clarify vocabulary and use a clear topic sentence, correct vocabulary mistakes, avoid redundancy, and provide one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words for coherence.

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. Parks felt like a safe, comfortable place where I could play on the swings and roundabouts with my friends. For example, I would spend entire afternoons playing hide-and-seek near the big oak tree, which made me feel happy and free.

제안: Start with a direct topic sentence, correct grammar (tenses and word choice), and be specific about frequency and reasons. Use linking words to connect ideas.

예시: Not as much as before. I rarely visit parks these days, maybe once every few months, but I do go occasionally when I feel stressed. For instance, last month I walked in a nearby park to clear my mind after a busy week at work.

제안: Give a concise opinion sentence, correct grammar and word choice, and add one specific benefit with a linking word. Avoid filler words like 'like'.

예시: Yes, I would. If the city invested in more parks, neighborhoods would be greener and healthier. For example, new parks would provide safe places for children to play and for adults to exercise, which would improve community well-being.

제안: Answer clearly with a topic sentence, correct sentence structure and verb forms, and provide a specific reason and an example of what you would do there. Avoid repetitive phrasing.

예시: I would like to visit an amusement or theme park in the future. Currently our city lacks such attractions, so a theme park would give me a fun place to spend time with friends; for example, we could go on rides, watch shows, and try different food stalls during a weekend outing.

× Absolutely, yes. The bug was like a comfort zone when I was young because I could play a lot of games there like the Seashore or the roundabouts, and they all gave me the sense of comfort.

✓ Absolutely yes. The park was like a comfort zone when I was young because I could play many games there, such as on the seesaw or the roundabouts, and they all gave me a sense of comfort.

The original sentence uses 'bug' instead of 'park' (likely a word choice error) and 'a lot of games' is less precise than 'many games'. 'The Seashore' is inappropriate for playground equipment; 'seesaw' is likely intended. 'Gave me the sense of comfort' is corrected to 'gave me a sense of comfort' for natural adjective/adverb usage. Suggestion: choose correct nouns for objects and use 'much/many' appropriately and natural collocations like 'a sense of comfort'.

× Not really, I do not go to park regularly compared to when I was just a child and I offered from time to time.

✓ Not really. I do not go to the park regularly compared to when I was a child, and I only go from time to time.

Missing definite article before 'park' is incorrect; use 'the park' when speaking about parks in general or a specific park previously mentioned. 'offered' is incorrect word choice; 'go' or 'visit' fits. 'Just a child' is wordy; 'when I was a child' is natural. Suggestion: use definite articles with singular countable nouns when context implies a specific place and correct verb choices.

× I often visit post whenever I felt stressed out or under pressures.

✓ I often visit the park whenever I feel stressed out or under pressure.

'Visit post' is incorrect; use 'visit the park' or 'go to the park'. Tense inconsistency: 'felt' (past) with 'often' requires present tense 'feel' for habitual action. 'Under pressures' should be singular 'under pressure'. Suggestion: keep tense consistent for habitual actions (present simple) and use correct noun forms.

× If our city invested in more parts, our neighborhood will be could become much more greener.

✓ If our city invested in more parks, our neighborhood could become much greener.

Multiple issues: 'parts' should be 'parks' (word choice), 'will be could become' is a mixed conditional error; use either 'could become' after 'If our city invested' (second conditional) or 'will become' after 'If our city invests' (first conditional). 'Much more greener' is redundant; use 'much greener' or 'more green' (prefer 'much greener'). Suggestion: match conditional structure and avoid redundant comparative modifiers.

× And I would like to say that a park is like a place for everyone to gather around and do a lot of like extracurricular activities.

✓ I would say that a park is a place for everyone to gather and do extracurricular activities.

Unnecessary fillers 'like' and 'gather around' are awkward; 'gather' suffices. 'Do a lot of like extracurricular activities' is ungrammatical; use 'do extracurricular activities' or 'take part in many extracurricular activities'. Suggestion: remove filler words and simplify expressions.

× An amusement park will be the most suitable option for me because not in these days our city do not really provide any like a museum or theme park.

✓ An amusement park would be the most suitable option for me because these days our city does not really provide a museum or a theme park.

Tense and modal: 'will be' is acceptable but 'would be' fits hypothetical preference better. Word order 'not in these days' is incorrect; use 'these days' at start. Subject-verb agreement: 'our city do' should be 'our city does'. 'Provide any like a museum' is incorrect; use 'provide a museum or a theme park'. Suggestion: ensure correct word order, subject-verb agreement, and choose appropriate modals for hypotheticals.

× So in the near future I would like to see more theme park so that I could enjoy hanging out there with my friends.

✓ So in the near future I would like to see more theme parks so that I can enjoy hanging out there with my friends.

Count noun agreement: 'theme park' should be plural 'theme parks' after 'more'. Modal consistency: 'could' suggests past or conditional; use 'can' for future ability. Suggestion: match plurality with 'more' and use 'can' for likely future ability.