Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and direct: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition and filler words, correct minor grammar (e.g., 'when I was in elementary school', 'during the COVID-19 pandemic'), and limit to 3–4 sentences. Add one or two specific details about activities to enrich the answer.

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. When I was in elementary school, schools were closed for a few months during the COVID-19 pandemic, so my friends and I spent a lot of time playing football and climbing trees in the local park. Those memories are some of my favorites.

제안: Provide a clear topic sentence, fix minor grammar (e.g., 'I go to the park two or three times a week'), avoid trailing off, and use linking words to connect habits and reasons. Add one specific example of what you do or who you go with to make the answer more precise.

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks and I visit the park about two or three times a week. I usually go for a brisk walk to relax and sometimes listen to podcasts; alternatively I go with a friend and we chat while we walk. These visits help me clear my mind after a busy day.

제안: Answer directly and confidently: start with a clear yes/no, avoid filler words, and provide brief specific reasons with linking words (e.g., 'because', 'for example'). Mention one concrete reason or example rather than repeating 'umm'.

예시: Not really, because my city already has three large parks that meet most needs. For example, one park has walking trails and lots of trees for relaxing, and another has a pond where I can see ducks and other wildlife.

제안: Be specific and correct place names if possible, avoid fillers, and use linking phrases to give reasons and plan. Keep to 3–4 sentences and finish thoughts (e.g., 'feed the deer'). Add a brief comment about when or how you might visit to show planning.

예시: Yes, I want to visit Nara Park in Japan, which is about two or three hours from Tokyo. It is famous for its friendly deer that roam freely, and I would like to feed and photograph them. I hope to go there on my next holiday.

× I really like going to parks. At the time, especially when I was in elementary school student, there was a period of time that umm, COVID-19 was spreading all the all over the world and I didn't go to the school for like two or three months at that time.

✓ I really liked going to parks. At that time, especially when I was in elementary school, there was a period when COVID-19 was spreading all over the world and I didn't go to school for about two or three months.

The sentence mixes present tense 'I really like' with a description of a past period 'when I was in elementary school' and 'didn't go'; use past tense 'liked' to keep the time frame consistent. 'At the time' should be 'At that time' for clarity. 'Elementary school student' is redundant; 'in elementary school' is correct. 'There was a period of time that' is wordy; 'there was a period when' is more natural. 'All the all over the world' is redundant; use 'all over the world'. 'Go to the school' should be 'go to school' without the article. Suggestion: maintain consistent past tense for past events and simplify redundant phrases.

× I still like going to parks now I go to park probably two or three times in a week.

✓ I still like going to parks now. I go to the park probably two or three times a week.

This run-on sentence needs a period or conjunction. 'Go to park' requires the definite article 'the' when referring to a specific park or the habitual action; 'a week' is incorrect here — use 'a week' is acceptable but conventionally 'a week' or 'per week' can be used; 'in a week' is unnatural. Use 'a week' or 'per week'. Suggestion: split into two sentences and use 'the park' and 'a week'.

× Just, umm, go for a walk and have some fun there.

✓ I just go for a walk and have some fun there.

This fragment lacks a clear subject when separated from the previous sentence; make it a full sentence with subject 'I'. Also place 'just' before the verb for natural word order. Suggestion: keep subject and verb together to form a complete sentence.

× I sometimes listen to my favorite music or podcast while walking in the park, or I sometimes walk with my.

✓ I sometimes listen to my favorite music or a podcast while walking in the park, or I sometimes walk with my friends.

The sentence ends with an incomplete pronoun 'my' which is missing the noun it refers to. Also 'music or podcast' needs an article before 'podcast' ('a podcast'). Suggestion: complete the pronoun with the noun 'friends' and add 'a' before 'podcast'.

× Umm, to be honest, not really 'cause I think there are enough parks in my city.

✓ Umm, to be honest, not really, because I think there are enough parks in my city.

This sentence is mainly conversational; replace colloquial ''cause' with 'because' for formality. 'Enough' is used correctly. Suggestion: avoid informal contractions in formal responses and include appropriate punctuation.

× There are, I think 3 parks in my city right now and each of them is pretty big and I can just enjoy umm, nature and like, umm, animals.

✓ There are, I think, three parks in my city right now, and each of them is pretty big, so I can enjoy nature and animals.

Write numbers under ten in words in formal speech: 'three' instead of '3'. Add commas for clarity. 'Just enjoy umm, nature and like, umm, animals' contains filler words; remove fillers and use 'so' to link clauses naturally. Suggestion: remove fillers, use 'three', and add linking words for clarity.

× Yes, I would like to go to another park which is located in UMM, Weston Pertur, Japan.

✓ Yes, I would like to go to another park located in Umeshima, Weston-Pertur, Japan.

The original contains unclear place name 'UMM' and possibly incorrect punctuation. If 'located in' is followed by a place name, do not use an extra comma after an abbreviation. Also correct spelling of place names is required; assuming intended proper nouns need hyphenation or correct form. Suggestion: ensure correct place names and use 'located in' followed directly by the place without an extra comma. (If 'UMM' is an abbreviation that must remain, write 'UMM, Weston Pertur, Japan' without extra commas; confirm correct names.)

× It's pretty far from Tokyo. I think it's gonna take like two or three hours from here.

✓ It's pretty far from Tokyo. I think it will take about two or three hours to get there from here.

Use 'will' instead of conversational 'gonna' in formal speech. 'Take ... from here' is incomplete; say 'take ... to get there from here.' Use 'about' instead of 'like' for formality. Suggestion: use 'will' and 'about' and include 'to get there' for clarity.

× And the reason why that I wanna go is it's really famous for umm deer in the park so that I can just feed the food, the deer and.

✓ The reason I want to go is that it is famous for deer in the park, so I can feed them.

This sentence has multiple problems: colloquial 'wanna' should be 'want to' or 'want', 'the reason why that I' is ungrammatical — use 'The reason I want to go is that'. 'It's really famous for umm deer in the park' should be 'it is famous for deer in the park'. 'So that I can just feed the food, the deer and' is awkward and ungrammatical; use 'so I can feed them' or 'so I can feed the deer'. Also avoid trailing conjunctions like 'and'. Suggestion: use formal equivalents, correct clause order with 'is that', and use the pronoun 'them' to refer to deer or repeat 'the deer'.