Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Reduce hesitations and fillers (UH). Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words like "for example" or "because" to make it coherent. Keep it within 2–4 sentences and avoid repeating phrases.

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, I often played tag and climbed trees with two close friends every afternoon after school, which made those visits very memorable.

제안: Make the structure clearer: topic sentence + concise supporting detail + reason. Remove repeated words and filler sounds. Correct small grammar issues (e.g., "with now with my husband" -> "now with my husband"; finish the reason: "busy lives").

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, now usually with my husband. We often walk and sometimes have a picnic with friends because it helps us relax and forget about our busy lives.

제안: Avoid repetition and improve fluency by combining ideas into a single clear response. Give one specific reason or a short example to support your opinion and use linking words like "because" or "for instance."

예시: Yes, definitely — I think the city needs more parks because they provide green space where people can relax and enjoy nature, for instance by walking or having a quiet picnic.

제안: Reduce hesitations and correct tense consistency ("had" vs "has"). Start with a direct topic sentence, name the park, then give a specific detail about it and end with a brief concluding sentence or plan.

예시: Yes — I would like to visit Fritzoe Garden, which a friend described as having beautiful scenery and peaceful walking paths. I hope to go there next summer to relax and take photos.

× I still remember how I used to play UH with my friends on UH playgrounds and parks when I was young.

✓ I still remember how I used to play with my friends on playgrounds and in parks when I was young.

The sentence had superfluous UH fillers and incorrect preposition use. 'Play on playgrounds' is acceptable but 'in parks' is more natural; using both 'on UH playgrounds and parks' is awkward. Remove fillers and use correct prepositions. Suggest using 'on playgrounds' and 'in parks' or consistently 'in parks and on playgrounds.' Also avoid filler words for clarity.

× I had two friends who always came with me to play and UH, have fun at park at UH.

✓ I had two friends who always came with me to play and have fun at the park.

The original mixes tenses and has article and preposition errors. 'Had' and 'came' are correct past tense; keep parallel structure 'to play and have fun.' Use the definite article 'the park' when referring to a specific playground the speaker used to visit. Remove fillers.

× Of course, yes, I still go to parks but with now with my husband, uh, we enjoy going to nearby uh, public parks and have some walk and a picnic with our friends as well.

✓ Of course; I still go to parks, but now I go with my husband. We enjoy going to nearby public parks and taking walks and having picnics with our friends as well.

Problems: awkward word order 'but with now with my husband' and inconsistent verb forms. Use correct present tense forms and parallel structure: 'taking walks and having picnics.' Remove fillers and add punctuation to separate ideas.

× It uh, takes our minds off from our busy.

✓ It takes our minds off our busy lives.

The phrase 'takes our minds off from' is incorrect; use 'takes our minds off' without 'from.' Also 'our busy' is incomplete — add a noun such as 'lives' to complete the idea.

× Yes, definitely. I believe parks are the place.

✓ Yes, definitely. I believe parks are the places to relax.

'The place' is incorrect and vague after 'parks are.' Use plural 'places' or a clearer noun phrase. Adding 'to relax' clarifies the intended meaning.

× Parks are places where people go and enjoy their enjoy the nature and have some relaxed time.

✓ Parks are places where people go to enjoy nature and have some relaxing time.

The sentence repeats 'enjoy' and uses 'their enjoy the nature' which is ungrammatical. Use the infinitive 'to enjoy' and the adjective 'relaxing' (or phrase 'some relaxation') instead of 'relaxed time.' Remove redundancy.

× So I believe there should be more parks.

✓ So I believe there should be more parks.

This sentence is grammatically correct. No change needed; keeping it for completeness.

× Uh, once I heard about a nice park in the city from one of my, my friends called, uh, it's called Fritzoe Garden.

✓ Once I heard about a nice park in the city from one of my friends; it's called Fritzoe Garden.

Remove fillers and the repeated 'my.' Use a semicolon or period to separate clauses. Tense is correct ('heard' for past event) and present 'it's called' is fine for giving the park's name.

× Uh, as she said, it had some, it has some beautiful sceneries and it was more relaxing.

✓ As she said, it has some beautiful scenery and it is very relaxing.

Inconsistent tense: mix of 'had' and 'has' and 'was.' Use present tense 'has' if the park still has those features. 'Sceneries' is incorrect; use the uncountable noun 'scenery.' Use 'very relaxing' instead of 'more relaxing' unless comparing to something else.

× So I hope one day I can go there.

✓ So I hope I can go there one day.

The original is understandable but reorder to the more natural 'I hope I can go there one day.' Tense/modal 'can' is acceptable for expressing hope about the future; alternatively 'I hope to go there one day.'