Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and fluent: give a clear topic sentence then one or two specific supporting details. Avoid hesitation words (uh, um) and repeated phrases. Use linking words to connect ideas (because, so, and).

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because there was a lot of open space where I could run and play. For example, I used to climb trees and play games with neighborhood children, and the fresh air made outdoor play enjoyable.

제안: Structure your response: start with a simple statement, then give specific reasons using linking words. Reduce filler words and correct small grammar (e.g., 'in the morning', 'people of my age and other adults').

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, especially in the morning, because I walk there for exercise. Also, I often meet people of my age and other adults, which makes the walk more social and pleasant.

제안: Be direct and specific: state your opinion, give reasons and one concrete example (distance, accessibility). Avoid repetitions and informal fillers ('you know'). Use plural/singular correctly ('parks'/'a park').

예시: Yes, I would love more parks in my city because there are only one or two and they are far from my neighborhood. For instance, the closest park is a 40-minute bus ride, so having smaller parks nearby would make them easier to visit.

제안: Give a clear topic sentence naming the park or its feature, then explain why you want to go with specific details. Avoid repetition and hesitation. Use clear vocabulary (book café, sip tea) and finish the sentence fully.

예시: Yes, I would like to visit a famous park far from my city because it has a book café where you can read and sip tea while walking in the gardens. I imagine spending a calm afternoon there, reading a novel and enjoying the scenery.

× Yes, I really liked to go to the park as a child, uh, because, uh, they have there, there is, there was a very big, uh, big space for, for, for me to play and roam around and you get, and I and, and there was a fresh air to inhale.

✓ Yes, I really liked going to the park as a child because there was a very big space for me to play and roam around, and the air was fresh to breathe.

The original uses 'liked to go' which is acceptable but 'liked going' is more natural when describing a habitual childhood activity (Verb + -ing form). 'They have there, there is, there was' is confused; use consistent past tense 'there was'. 'A fresh air' is incorrect article usage with uncountable 'air' so use 'the air was fresh' and 'to breathe' is clearer than 'to inhale'. Replace redundant fillers and repeated words for clarity and fluency.

× Yes, I still like to go to the park but now I normally go to the park at the morning so it's in the morning for since I do lots of walking so park is the best place for me to do it.

✓ Yes, I still like going to the park, but now I normally go in the morning since I do a lot of walking, so the park is the best place for me to do it.

Use 'going' (verb + -ing) for habitual liking and 'in the morning' is the correct prepositional phrase (Present tense issue and incorrect preposition). 'Do lots of walking' should be 'do a lot of walking' (quantifier and noun phrase). Add definite article 'the park' when referring to a specific type of place. Remove redundant phrases for clarity.

× You get fresh air, uh, get to meet lots of new people who are around your age. Also adult too.

✓ You get fresh air and can meet many new people who are around your age, including other adults.

Change 'you get' to a coordinated structure 'you get ... and can meet' for grammatical parallelism. 'Lots of' is informal; 'many' is clearer. 'Also adult too' is ungrammatical; use 'including other adults' to express the idea. Fix pronoun/reference and sentence structure.

× Yes, I would like I would love to see more park in my city since my city has only one or two park, but most of them are very far away from my place.

✓ Yes, I would love to see more parks in my city since my city has only one or two parks, but most of them are very far from my place.

Countable noun 'park' needs plural 'parks' and the indefinite number requires plural form. 'More park' is incorrect; use 'more parks'. 'Far away from my place' is okay but 'far from my place' is more natural. Ensure subject-verb agreement with plural nouns.

× So it's really tough to you know, explore around other explore the other parks.

✓ So it's really tough to explore the other parks nearby.

Original repeats 'explore' and uses 'explore around' which is awkward. Simplify to 'to explore the other parks nearby' for correct verb-object structure and natural collocation. Remove filler 'you know' in formal correction.

× So I'd love to have more parks near my city.

✓ So I'd love to have more parks near my home.

'Near my city' is grammatically possible but unnatural if speaker means 'near my home' or 'in my city'. Use 'near my home' or 'in my city' depending on intended meaning. Also ensure plural 'parks' (article error with countable noun).

× Yes, there is a park I'd, I'd love to go in the future and it's very, very far away from my, my place.

✓ Yes, there is a park I'd love to visit in the future, and it's very far from my place.

Simplify repeated words and contractions. Use 'visit' instead of 'go' for clarity. 'There is a park I'd love to go in the future' mixes forms; correct to 'there is a park I'd love to visit in the future' with proper clause ordering. Maintain consistent tense (present for existence and future intention).

× Uh, I'd, I'd love to go there because that, that park has a, a book cafe there where you can read the book and see a sip, sip tea while reading and walking around.

✓ I'd love to go there because that park has a book café where you can read and sip tea while walking around.

Remove repeated words and fix article use: 'a book cafe' is fine but 'read the book' is odd—use 'read' or 'read books'. 'See a sip, sip tea' is incorrect; use 'sip tea'. 'Book café' is the correct term. Ensure verbs parallel: 'read and sip tea'. Clarify meaning and remove redundancy.