Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be careful with tense and keep answers concise and coherent. Start with a clear topic sentence in past tense, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and choose precise vocabulary (e.g., “develop” instead of “grow” regarding skills, “inspire imagination” instead of “think wildly”).

예시: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child. For example, playing with other children on the swings helped me become more social, and observing nature—like birds and flowers—inspired my imagination and creative play.

제안: Use present-tense consistently and avoid filler words and repetition. Open with a direct topic sentence in present tense, then give one specific reason with a brief example. Use linking words (for example, however, because) to connect ideas and choose natural collocations (e.g., “relax my mind” not “more relaxed and at this”).

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks nowadays because they help me relax and clear my mind. For instance, walking among trees and listening to birds reduces stress and allows me to think more clearly.

제안: Avoid repetition and be specific about benefits. Begin with a clear opinion, then explain with concrete, concise reasons linked logically. Use varied vocabulary (e.g., “creative,” “mentally healthy,” “community”).

예시: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because they promote creativity and mental well-being. For example, community parks give families a safe space to meet and children chances to play and learn outdoors.

제안: Be specific about what attracts you to that park and use clearer comparisons. Start with a topic sentence in future or conditional form, then give concrete details about features you want to experience (events, scenery, facilities).

예시: Yes, I would like to visit Manila Park in the future because it offers lively public events and varied attractions. For example, I’m eager to see the botanical gardens and local markets there, which are more interesting than ordinary playground equipment.

× Yes, I do like to go to the park when I was a child because I think it can help me to grow more when it comes to environment.

✓ Yes, I liked going to the park when I was a child because I thought it helped me grow in terms of the environment.

The sentence mixes present tense 'do like' with 'when I was a child' (past). Use past tense for a habitual past action: 'liked' and 'thought' and past 'helped'. Also 'grow more when it comes to environment' is awkward; change to 'grow in terms of the environment' for clarity.

× It also helps me to be more social and communicate with other people.

✓ It also helped me become more social and communicate with other people.

This continues the past-time context, so pronoun 'me' is fine but the verb should be past 'helped' and use 'become' rather than 'to be' for natural phrasing. Maintain past tense consistency.

× It also helps me to think wildly because of things that I can see and expand my imagination.

✓ It also helped me think more creatively because of the things I saw, which expanded my imagination.

Using 'wildly' is incorrect for describing thinking; 'more creatively' is appropriate. Maintain past tense 'helped', use 'saw' and 'expanded' for consistency, and add 'which' to link clauses clearly.

× Yes, I still like to go to the park even when I was an adult because I think the more you you go outside, especially in the parks can help me more sociable.

✓ Yes, I still like to go to the park now that I am an adult because I think the more you go outside, especially to parks, the more sociable it can help you become.

The original mixes past 'was an adult' with present 'still like'. Use 'now that I am an adult' and present general truth. Remove duplicate 'you'. Use comparative structure 'the more..., the more...' and correct verb phrase 'help you become more sociable'.

× And it can also help me to think critically because the way you look at the net of the environment, it can help your mind to more relaxed and at this.

✓ It can also help me think critically because the way you look at the environment can help your mind relax.

Use consistent pronouns ('me' and 'your' mixed; choose 'me' or rewrite to general). 'Net of the environment' is unclear; use 'environment'. 'Help your mind to more relaxed and at this' is ungrammatical; use 'help your mind relax' or 'help my mind relax' and remove extraneous phrase.

× Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because I I believe that the more you go outside, such as the parks, it can help you to think more or be more imaginative and at the same time sociable.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because I believe that the more you go outside, for example to parks, the more imaginative and sociable you can become.

Remove duplicate 'I'. Use conditional 'would like' followed by present general truth 'the more... the more...'. Replace 'think more or be more imaginative' with 'more imaginative' and rephrase for natural parallel structure 'imaginative and sociable'.

× Yes, I would like to go to Manila Park because it has a lot of people and at the same time I can see a lot of things rather than just a simple seesaw or a bench.

✓ Yes, I would like to go to Manila Park because it has many people and I can see many things, not just a simple seesaw or a bench.

'Has a lot of people' is acceptable but 'many people' is more natural. Maintain conditional 'would like'. Replace 'a lot of things rather than just' with 'many things, not just' for concise, grammatical phrasing.