Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Reduce repetition, correct grammar and use a clear topic sentence followed by one or two supporting details. Mention the incident briefly and its effect, using linking words for coherence.

예시: To be honest, I didn’t enjoy going to parks as a child because I once fell there and hurt myself badly. As a result, I avoided parks for a long time and missed many outdoor activities that other children enjoyed.

제안: Avoid hesitations and small errors; combine sentences more smoothly and use specific examples. Use linking words (for example, therefore) to show reasons and routines.

예시: Yes, I do. I enjoy parks because they provide fresh air and a peaceful place to relax, so I try to visit at least once a week when I have free time. Because parks are scarce in my city, I make a point of going to any green space I can find to walk or meet friends.

제안: Fix grammar and word choice, remove repetition, and state a clear preference with specific reasons and examples. Use linking phrases to explain benefits of more parks for the community.

예시: Yes, I would. The nearest park is far from my neighborhood, so most people need a car to get there. I would like a small local park within walking distance because it would allow residents to relax, exercise, and walk their dogs without traveling far.

제안: Good content and clear reason. Improve fluency by tightening the sentence and avoiding minor grammar issues (singular/plural). Add a brief comment about what you expect to enjoy there for richer detail.

예시: Yes, I’d love to visit Central Park in New York because it appears in my favorite movie, Spider-Man, and in the TV show Friends. I plan to see the famous filming locations and enjoy long walks among the park’s attractions.

× To be honest, I to be honest, I didn't get into parks as a child because I once fell there and hurt myself badly.

✓ To be honest, I didn't get into parks as a child because I once fell there and hurt myself badly.

The sentence repeats the phrase 'To be honest' twice, creating a redundancy and breaking sentence flow. Remove the duplicated phrase to make the sentence grammatically correct and natural. Suggestion: avoid repeating discourse markers; use one at the start of the sentence.

× After the instance I avoided park for a while so I didn't enjoy visiting them as much as other children.

✓ After that incident I avoided parks for a while, so I didn't enjoy visiting them as much as other children.

Problems: incorrect word choice 'instance' should be 'incident' and article/plural issues: 'park' should be plural 'parks' because 'them' refers to parks. Also missing comma before 'so'. Fixing these makes the sentence clear: 'After that incident I avoided parks for a while, so I didn't enjoy visiting them as much as other children.'

× Cheating.

✓ (Omit)

Single-word 'Cheating.' is out of context and does not form a meaningful sentence. It should be omitted or expanded into a complete sentence if intended (e.g., 'I was being silly.'). Follow-up: provide a full sentence for clarity.

× Parks are not very common in my city so I make a point of going wherever I can to walk really or meet someone else.

✓ Parks are not very common in my city, so I make a point of going whenever I can to walk or meet someone.

Problems: missing comma before 'so'; awkward phrase 'wherever I can to walk really or meet someone else' should be 'whenever I can to walk or meet someone.' 'Really' is unnecessary. 'Someone else' is redundant; 'someone' suffices. These edits correct sentence flow and article usage.

× The only park near my area is quite far from both my house and my neighbors so it's not within walking distance and usually I carried a car or about to get to.

✓ The only park near my area is quite far from both my house and my neighbors, so it's not within walking distance, and I usually drive or use a car to get there.

Errors: 'near my area' is acceptable but awkward; main errors are tense/verb choice 'I carried a car or about to get to' which is incorrect. Replace with 'I usually drive or use a car to get there.' Add commas for clarity. Ensure verb tense matches habitual action (present simple).

× I'd like to see my small neighborhood park so people can relax, exciting or rock with that's dog without having to travel far.

✓ I'd like to see a small neighborhood park so people can relax or walk with their dogs without having to travel far.

Multiple problems: 'see my small neighborhood park' -> 'have a small neighborhood park' fits meaning; 'exciting or rock with that's dog' is garbled. Likely intended 'walk with their dog'. 'That's' incorrect possessive. Use 'their dogs' or 'their dog'. Also replace 'see' with 'have' to express desire for such a park in the neighborhood.

× Yes, I would like to visit Central Park in New York because it's featured in one of my favorite movie, Spider-Man, and on the TV show Friends, and I plan to go there to see the local locations from the film and to walk around the park.

✓ Yes, I would like to visit Central Park in New York because it's featured in one of my favorite movies, Spider-Man, and on the TV show Friends, and I plan to go there to see the locations from the film and walk around the park.

Error: singular 'movie' should be plural 'movies' when referring generally to one of multiple favorites. Also slightly wordy: remove redundant 'local' and second 'to' before 'walk'. These small adjustments fix agreement and improve fluency.