Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Improve grammar and fluency: use correct tense and singular/plural forms, reduce hesitation (uh), and make answer concise with one clear topic sentence followed by a brief reason and an example. Use linking words for coherence.

예시: When I was a child, I didn't often go to parks because there weren't any near my house. However, I always dreamed of visiting a park to try adventure rides like roller coasters, so I would enjoy a full day of attractions if I had the chance.

제안: Make the response more natural and concise: use correct adjectives and articles, avoid repetition, and organize ideas with linking words. Begin with a clear topic sentence, then give two specific reasons and a short example of a typical visit.

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks now. I find them refreshing because the fresh air and greenery help me relax, and I often go jogging there to stay fit. For example, I usually spend thirty minutes running followed by a short walk to unwind.

제안: Clarify the main idea and fix grammar: state a clear opinion, use correct subject-verb agreement, and give specific reasons linked with connectors. Avoid filler words and vague phrases.

예시: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide space for exercise, socialising, and family outings. For instance, more parks would allow me to go cycling, meet friends, or take my children to play on weekends.

제안: Be specific and correct mistakes: replace unclear words (e.g. “error”, “play”) with accurate vocabulary, use past simple/present perfect correctly, and give a clear reason and one concrete activity you want to try. Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

예시: I would like to visit Conventonia again because my previous visit was brief and I didn't get to see everything. I've heard there are many workshops and performances there, so I want to spend a whole day exploring the activities and exhibits.

× Actually when I were a child, I didn't go to park because uh, there, uh, there wasn't any park near my house.

✓ Actually when I was a child, I didn't go to parks because there weren't any parks near my house.

Use singular/plural and correct pronoun-verb agreement: 'I were' is wrong; use 'I was' (past tense of be). Also 'park' should be plural 'parks' or use 'a park'. 'There wasn't any park' is awkward; use 'there weren't any parks' or 'there wasn't a park'. Ensure subject-verb agreement with plural 'parks' -> 'weren't'. Suggestions: use 'I was a child' and decide singular/plural: 'a park' or 'any parks'.

× And I have, I have a dream of going to park to try on some adventure games such as roller coaster.

✓ And I have a dream of going to a park to try some adventure rides such as roller coasters.

Use correct noun forms and verb patterns: 'going to park' needs an article 'a park'. 'Try on' is incorrect with activities; use 'try' or 'try out'. 'Adventure games' is wrong in this context; use 'adventure rides'. Use plural 'roller coasters' for general activities.

× Now when I'm more mature mature, I want to go to park to refresh my mind and have some relaxing time to enjoy the uh, green, uh, green air, uh, display.

✓ Now that I'm more mature, I want to go to a park to refresh my mind and have some relaxing time to enjoy the fresh, green air and the scenery.

Tense and wording: 'Now when I'm more mature mature' is repetitive and awkward; use 'Now that I'm more mature'. 'Go to park' needs article 'a park'. 'Green air' is unnatural; use 'fresh, green air'. 'Display' is wrong for scenery; use 'scenery' or 'views'. Ensure present desire expressed with 'want to' is appropriate.

× Moreover, I want to go jogging there.

✓ Moreover, I want to go jogging there.

This sentence is grammatically correct. It expresses present desire appropriately. No change needed.

× Umm, park even interesting play in my city.

✓ Umm, there are not many interesting parks to play in my city.

Original sentence lacks proper structure and articles. Add 'there are' to introduce existence and plural 'parks' for generality. Use 'interesting parks to play in' to convey intended meaning. Ensure subject and verb present correctly.

× So I think it's maybe very, uh, wonderful if my CD have more park so, uh, I can go there to do many things that I want.

✓ So I think it would be wonderful if my city had more parks so I could go there to do many things I want.

Pronoun/word errors and tense: 'CD' seems to mean 'city'. Use 'city'. 'It's maybe very wonderful' is awkward; use 'it would be wonderful' for hypothetical. 'Have' should be past 'had' in conditional. 'More park' requires plural 'more parks'. Use 'could' for ability in conditional.

× I want to go to Conventonia because I have an error, uh, when I've gone there before and I want to go there to have to explore more about this play.

✓ I want to go to Conventonia because I had an error when I went there before, and I want to go back to explore more of this place.

Tense and word choice: 'I have an error' is wrong; use 'I had an error' if referring to a past problem. 'When I've gone there before' mixes tenses; use simple past 'when I went there before'. 'Have to explore' is unnecessary; use 'to explore'. 'Play' likely meant 'place' — correct to 'place'.

× And I have heard that there are many activities in this play.

✓ And I have heard that there are many activities in this place.

Word choice: 'play' is incorrect in this context; 'place' is correct. The present perfect 'I have heard' is fine to report information heard. No tense change needed.