Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Clarify and organize ideas: start with a clear topic sentence stating whether you liked parks as a child, then add one or two specific reasons. Use correct grammar and concise phrasing. Avoid hesitations and unclear fragments. Keep it under five sentences and use linking words (however, but, now) to show contrast.

예시: When I was a child, I didn't enjoy going to parks because I preferred staying at home to read books or watch movies. However, now I like parks because I have a dog and I take it there every day to exercise. This helps me stay fit and gives me a reason to be more active.

제안: Be concise and correct tenses and sentence forms. Give a clear topic sentence, then add specific details (frequency, duration, benefits). Avoid repetition and correct grammar (e.g., "when it is not raining", "I walk for about an hour"). Use linking words such as "usually" and "because" properly.

예시: Yes, I do. I usually walk my dog to the park every day when the weather is fine and it is not raining. I walk for about an hour most days, which helps me stay fit and improves my overall fitness.

제안: Provide a clear opinion and give specific, relevant reasons. Correct grammar ("dog-friendly parks", "where I can let my dog run freely"). Remove fillers and unclear phrases. Mention benefits for both dogs and owners and give a brief example of what owners could do there.

예시: Yes, I would like more dog-friendly parks, especially enclosed areas where I can let my dog run freely and socialize with other dogs. Such parks would be great for exercise and would allow owners to meet and exchange tips on dog care.

제안: Start with a direct statement about the park you want to visit, then add two specific appealing features (greenery, architecture, activities). Fix grammar and word choice ("I would love to enjoy" → "I would love to take my dog there for a long walk"). Keep it natural and avoid redundant phrasing.

예시: Yes. If I have more free time, I would like to visit the large city park that has extensive green spaces and attractive architecture, which make it very peaceful. I would love to take my dog there for a long walk and sometimes have a picnic.

× As a trial I didn't like going to the park because I prefer staying home and read books or watch the movies.

✓ As a child I didn't like going to the park because I preferred staying home and reading books or watching movies.

Mixed tense and verb form errors: 'As a trial' is incorrect phrase; 'preferred' should be past to match 'didn't like'; after 'prefer' in past context use 'preferred'. When listing activities after verbs of preference use gerunds: 'reading' and 'watching' rather than base verbs. Also 'the movies' is unnecessary; use 'movies'. Suggestion: keep past tense consistent and use gerunds for activities.

× But now I enjoy going to the park because I have a dog and I take it for daily work to keep powerful, to stay fit and sometimes it helps me on what?

✓ But now I enjoy going to the park because I have a dog and I take it for a daily walk to keep it strong and to stay fit, and sometimes it helps me relax.

Several problems: 'take it for daily work' is incorrect collocation — 'take it for a daily walk' is correct. 'To keep powerful' should be 'to keep it strong' or 'to keep myself strong' depending on meaning; ensure correct object. 'Sometimes it helps me on what?' is unclear; likely 'helps me relax.' Maintain present simple 'enjoy' and use infinitives for purpose. Suggestion: use correct collocations ('daily walk'), correct pronoun/object, and clear phrasing for effects.

× So in the future I would love to do more real time activity to improve my health.

✓ So in the future I would love to do more real-time activities to improve my health.

'Real time' as adjective should be hyphenated 'real-time' and 'activity' should be plural 'activities' to match 'more'. The modal structure 'would love to' is fine. Suggestion: use hyphenation for compound adjectives and ensure noun number agrees with 'more'.

× Yes I do every day I would try to walk my dog to the park when it went.

✓ Yes, I do. Every day I try to walk my dog to the park when the weather is good.

Run-on sentence and tense/word choice issues: 'Yes I do every day I would try' mixes present and conditional; use present simple 'I do' and 'I try'. 'When it went' is unclear; likely meant 'when the weather is good' or 'when it's not raining.' Suggestion: separate into sentences, keep present simple for habitual actions, and use clear condition phrases.

× The weather is fine and not raining.

✓ The weather is fine and it is not raining.

Sentence fragments: 'not raining' needs a subject and auxiliary for completeness in formal speech. Add 'it is' or contract 'it's not raining.' Suggestion: use complete clause structure.

× I walk almost every day it usually an an hour walking and I really enjoyed it because it's have both stay fit and improve all fitness.

✓ I walk almost every day; it is usually an hour of walking and I really enjoy it because it helps me stay fit and improve my fitness.

Multiple issues: run-on sentence, double 'an an', incorrect tense 'enjoyed' (should be present 'enjoy' for habitual action), 'it's have both stay fit' is ungrammatical — use 'it helps me stay fit' and 'improve my fitness.' Suggestion: separate clauses, fix typos, use present simple for habits, and correct collocations ('an hour of walking', 'improve my fitness').

× Yeah, I would love to see more dog friendlies, parks with enclosed area where I can unleash my dog and let he freely run, uh, to socialize with the other dogs.

✓ Yes, I would love to see more dog-friendly parks with enclosed areas where I can unleash my dog and let him run freely to socialize with the other dogs.

Use adjective form 'dog-friendly' with hyphen. 'Dog friendlies' is incorrect. 'Enclosed area' should be plural 'areas' to match 'more'. Pronoun 'he' should be 'him' as object. Adverb placement: 'run freely' rather than 'freely run' is acceptable but 'let him run freely' is natural. Suggestion: use hyphenated adjectives, correct pluralization, and correct object pronouns.

× And this would be a great opportunity for them, uh, for the exercise and the owner to share the tips on how to look after their dogs or get some, just simple, get some fat.

✓ And this would be a great opportunity for the dogs to exercise and for the owners to share tips on how to look after their dogs or to get simple advice on feeding and care.

Pronoun and noun agreement: clarify who 'them' and 'the owner' refer to — use 'dogs' and 'owners'. 'Share the tips on' should be 'share tips on' without 'the'. 'Get some, just simple, get some fat' is unclear; likely meant 'get simple advice' or 'gain basic tips on nutrition/care.' Suggestion: specify subjects clearly, remove filler words, and use clear nouns for 'advice' rather than 'fat.'

× Yes, if I have more free time in the future, I would take my dog to the larger park in the city where the area has lots of greenery spaces and attractive architecture which make it very peaceful and romantic.

✓ Yes, if I have more free time in the future, I will take my dog to the larger park in the city where the area has lots of green spaces and attractive architecture, which makes it very peaceful and romantic.

Conditional consistency: 'if I have' (first conditional) should use 'will' not 'would' for the result clause. 'Greenery spaces' is incorrect collocation — use 'green spaces'. Subject-verb agreement: 'architecture which makes' (architecture is singular collective so 'makes' is fine); keep comma before nonrestrictive clause. Suggestion: use first conditional structure for likely future events and correct collocations.

× I would love enjoy taking my dog there for a long walk and sometimes we can could have like a picnic.

✓ I would love to enjoy taking my dog there for a long walk and sometimes we could have a picnic.

Redundant modal mix: 'can could' is incorrect — choose one modal verb, here 'could' fits. 'I would love enjoy' needs 'to' after 'love' or change to 'love enjoying.' Use 'have a picnic' rather than 'have like a picnic.' Suggestion: use correct verb patterns ('would love to enjoy') and avoid stacking modals; use natural phrasing 'could have a picnic.'