Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and correct grammar (use singular/plural, articles and verb forms). Begin with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail. Avoid redundancy like repeating 'park' and unclear phrases such as 'relax my mind'.

예시: As a child I rarely went to parks because we lived in a rural area with none nearby. Instead, I visited small shopping arcades to enjoy the rides. Now that several parks have been built in my village, I often go there to relax and meet friends.

제안: Fix grammar and word choice (e.g., 'de-stress', 'a park', 'read books'). Use one coherent topic sentence then one or two specific supporting details linked logically. Remove unclear fragments like 'helps me or charge'.

예시: Yes, I still like going to parks. When I'm busy and can't travel or visit a café, I go to a nearby park to de-stress; I enjoy sitting among the trees, listening to birds, and reading a book because the fresh air recharges me.

제안: Improve accuracy (plural/singular, articles) and tighten phrasing. Start with a clear opinion then give a specific reason and a concrete example of benefits, using linking words like 'because' and 'for example'.

예시: Yes, I would. Because the city is large but has few, mostly small parks, more green spaces would give residents places to relax, exercise and meet friends. For example, larger parks could host weekend fitness classes and community events, improving public health and social life.

제안: Correct grammar and clarity (park name, verb forms, remove repetition). Give one clear specific detail about the park and one reason why you want to go, using linking words like 'because' or 'so'. Avoid unclear fragments like 'the park name was is beyond the park'.

예시: Yes, I would like to visit Parker on Ranjit Avenue, which is a very large park. I want to go there with my girlfriend because it has wide lawns and walking paths where we can spend quality time in nature.

× When I was a child, I didn't go to park because I lived in a rural area and there were no parks nearby.

✓ When I was a child, I didn't go to parks because I lived in a rural area and there were no parks nearby.

The phrase 'go to park' is incorrect; 'park' should be plural or have an article. This is a sentence structure/usage issue: use 'go to parks' or 'go to the park' depending on meaning. Here 'parks nearby' matches the later clause 'there were no parks nearby', so use 'parks' for consistency.

× Instead, I used to visit shopping bars to enjoy the rides.

✓ Instead, I used to visit shopping malls to enjoy the rides.

'Shopping bars' is incorrect collocation. The intended place for rides is 'shopping malls' or 'amusement arcades'. This is an incorrect noun choice; replace with 'shopping malls' to be natural.

× Now there are several parks in my village, so I often go there to relax my mind and spend my free time with my friends.

✓ Now there are several parks in my village, so I often go there to relax and spend my free time with my friends.

The phrase 'relax my mind' is awkward; use 'relax' or 'relax my mind' is acceptable but 'relax' is more natural. This is a wording/tense consistency issue; keep present simple for habitual actions.

× Yes, when I'm busy I can't travel for or visit a cafe.

✓ Yes, when I'm busy I can't travel far or visit a cafe.

'Travel for' is incorrect; likely intended 'travel far'. This is misuse of words after modal 'can't'. Use 'far' as an adverb to modify 'travel'.

× I often go to nearby park to relax and distress.

✓ I often go to the nearby park to relax and destress.

'Nearby park' needs an article: 'the nearby park' or plural 'nearby parks'. Also 'distress' is the wrong verb here; the correct verb is 'destress' meaning to relieve stress. This is an article and word choice error.

× I enjoy sitting among the trees listening to birds and sometimes reading book.

✓ I enjoy sitting among the trees, listening to the birds, and sometimes reading a book.

Missing articles: 'birds' often takes 'the birds' in this context, and 'reading book' requires 'a book'. Also add commas for clarity. This is an article use and sentence structure issue.

× It helps me or charge because the fresh air and greenery.

✓ It helps me recharge because of the fresh air and greenery.

'or charge' is incorrect; likely intended 'recharge'. Also need 'because of' to connect reason. This is a sentence structure and word choice error; use 'recharge' and include 'because of'.

× Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because it's very large, but there are few and mostly small parts.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because it's very large, but there are few and they are mostly small parks.

'small parts' is incorrect; should be 'small parks' and add 'they are' for clarity. This is incorrect noun choice and sentence structure; correct to 'they are mostly small parks'.

× If the government built more green spaces, resident would have better place to relax, exercise and meet friends which would improve community life and health.

✓ If the government built more green spaces, residents would have better places to relax, exercise, and meet friends, which would improve community life and health.

Pluralize 'resident' to 'residents' and 'place' to 'places'. Also add commas for readability. This is subject number agreement and noun pluralization error in conditional sentence.

× Yes, I want to go Parker which is in Ranjit Ave.

✓ Yes, I want to go to Parker, which is on Ranjit Ave.

Use 'go to' before a place and 'on Ranjit Ave' is the correct preposition for a street. Also add comma before 'which'. This is incorrect preposition use.

× The park name was is beyond the park and it is a huge park.

✓ The park's name is Beyond the Park, and it is a huge park.

Original has 'was is beyond the park' which mixes tenses and words. Provide correct possessive 'park's name', correct capitalization for the name, and proper present-tense 'is'. This is sentence structure and tense confusion.

× I I want to go there with my girlfriend so I spend a quality of time in nature.

✓ I want to go there with my girlfriend so I can spend quality time in nature.

Duplicate 'I' should be single. 'so I spend a quality of time' is incorrect; use 'so I can spend quality time' or 'so we can spend quality time'. This fixes pronoun duplication and awkward phrasing.