Views— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Avoid filler sounds (e.g., “umm”) and repeated phrases. Also correct tense and noun errors (e.g., “my travel” → “my travels”, “next generations” → “future generations”, “the captures” → “the photos”).

예시: Yes, I love taking photos when I travel. They help me preserve memories and, later, I can share these photos with my children and grandchildren so they can see the places I visited.

제안: Provide a clear topic sentence stating your preference, then give specific supporting details using linking words. Correct grammar (e.g., “greeneries” → “greenery”, “I prefer in rural areas” → “I prefer rural areas”), avoid repetition and incomplete sentences, and finish your reason fully (what it gives you).

예시: I prefer rural views because I enjoy greenery and quiet parks. For example, being surrounded by trees and open fields helps me relax and reduces stress, so I often visit the countryside to recharge.

제안: Give a direct answer then support it with two clear, specific reasons using linking words. Remove filler words, avoid vague phrases like “what they have,” and use precise language (e.g., “other countries” and “experience different cultures”).

예시: I prefer views in other countries because I can experience different cultures and discover new landscapes. For instance, traveling abroad lets me try local food and visit historical sites, which broadens my perspective and helps me relax.

× Absolutely, especially when I'm on my travel UMM.

✓ Absolutely, especially when I'm on my travels.

The pronoun 'my travel' is incorrect here; 'travel' should be plural as 'travels' when referring to trips in general. Use 'my travels' to refer to multiple trips or travel experiences. Suggestion: Use 'my travels' or 'when I travel'. Avoid 'on my travel'.

× It helps me preserve the memories I had during my travel and help me reminisce in the future, especially when my next generations can see the UMM the captures I have during my travel.

✓ It helps me preserve the memories I made during my travels and helps me reminisce in the future, especially when future generations can see the photos I took during my trips.

Problems: plural/singular and verb agreement. 'the memories I had' is awkward; use 'the memories I made' (past simple). 'during my travel' should be 'during my travels' or 'during my trips'. 'help me reminisce' must agree with 'It' so use 'helps'. 'my next generations' is incorrect — use 'future generations'. 'the UMM the captures I have' is garbled — likely means 'the photos I took'. Suggestion: Keep consistent plural forms ('travels', 'photos') and match verb agreement ('It helps... and helps...'). Use clear nouns like 'photos' or 'pictures'.

× Me as someone who loves greeneries especially in parks in areas that is not so crowded so I prefer in rural areas because I love.

✓ As someone who loves greenery, especially parks in uncrowded areas, I prefer rural areas.

Problems: 'Me as someone' should be 'As someone' (subject form). 'greeneries' is incorrect plural; use uncountable 'greenery'. 'in areas that is not so crowded' has subject-verb agreement; use 'areas that are not so crowded' or simplify. 'I prefer in rural areas because I love.' is incomplete and awkward; remove extra 'because I love'. Suggestion: Use 'As someone who loves greenery' and ensure subject-verb agreement ('areas that are not'). Keep the sentence concise and complete.

× I love seeing that views with the greens and it helps I guess relieves stress and gives.

✓ I love seeing those views with the greenery; I guess it helps relieve stress and lift my mood.

Problems: 'that views' should be 'those views' (demonstrative adjective must match plural noun). 'the greens' is awkward; use 'the greenery' or 'the green surroundings'. 'it helps I guess relieves stress and gives' is ungrammatical — remove redundancy and use 'it helps relieve stress' or 'it relieves stress and lifts my mood'. Suggestion: Use correct demonstrative ('those') and choose uncountable noun 'greenery'. Keep verbs parallel: 'helps relieve'.

× Well, I prefer in that other country because aside from umm having a travel and exploring different views, I can also explore the different cultures they have what they have.

✓ Well, I prefer other countries because, aside from traveling and exploring different views, I can also learn about the different cultures they have.

Problems: 'I prefer in that other country' is ungrammatical; say 'I prefer other countries' or 'I prefer to travel to other countries'. 'having a travel' is incorrect; use 'traveling' or 'taking a trip'. 'explore the different cultures they have what they have' is redundant; simplify to 'learn about the different cultures they have' or 'experience their cultures'. Suggestion: Use 'traveling' for the gerund and avoid redundancy. Place 'aside from' before the main verb phrase.

× It also helps me umm relieve stress and an outlet for me to go forward.

✓ It also helps me relieve stress and serves as an outlet for me to move forward.

Problems: 'helps me umm relieve stress and an outlet' mixes verbs and nouns incorrectly; parallel structure is needed. Use 'helps me relieve stress and serves as an outlet'. 'go forward' is informal and vague; use 'move forward' or 'progress'. Suggestion: Keep parallel structure ('helps me... and serves as...') and choose clearer verbs like 'move forward'.