Views— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and clear. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and awkward phrasing (e.g. “it is I can say that”). Focus on natural collocations like “my photo gallery” and a clear reason why you enjoy it.

예시: Yes, I love taking photos of different views. For example, my photo gallery feels like a personal diary where I record landscapes and interesting scenes; this hobby relaxes me because being in nature calms my mind.

제안: Clarify your preference (urban or rural) and give concrete reasons with linking words. Avoid contradiction (you say urban but mention mountains) and repetitive phrases. Use precise vocabulary like “green spaces,” “parks,” or “cityscapes.” Keep answers within 2–4 sentences.

예시: I prefer urban views because many cities have lovely green spaces such as parks and riverside walks. For instance, I enjoy photographing tree-lined streets and city parks since these spots combine nature with interesting architecture, which feels relaxing.

제안: Answer directly and avoid unclear or incorrect words (e.g. “abuse,” “moles”). State whether you prefer domestic or foreign views and give specific reasons or examples. Use linking words like “because” and “for example” and correct vocabulary such as “attractions,” “scenery,” “historic areas,” or “green spaces.”

예시: I prefer views in other countries because I find foreign cities often offer more varied scenery and historic architecture. For example, I enjoy visiting coastal towns or old European city centers where the streets and buildings are very photogenic, unlike my city where new apartment blocks dominate.

× It is I can say that it is like my favorite hobby right now because my gallery is like my personal diary which I take a lot of weird pictures and taking pictures of the great views brings me relaxation and it brings me the beauty of nature which creates calmness.

✓ I can say that it is my favorite hobby right now because my gallery is like my personal diary; I take a lot of unusual pictures, and taking photos of great views relaxes me and shows me the beauty of nature, which brings calmness.

This sentence contains run-on structure and awkward phrases that make it unclear. Combine ideas using appropriate punctuation and parallel verb forms. Replace 'It is I can say that it is like' with 'I can say that it is' to remove redundancy. Use 'unusual' instead of informal 'weird' for clarity. Use parallel verbs: 'I take' and 'taking photos... relaxes me' (singular verb 'relaxes' matches subject 'taking photos'). These changes improve clarity and grammatical correctness. Suggested practice: break long sentences into shorter clauses, ensure subjects and verbs match, and avoid filler words like 'like'.

× I quite prefer the views in urban areas because they have more views of the nature, of the beauty of the nature, whether it is from the flowers, whether it is from the trees and mountains, because the green color brings me relaxation brings it reminds me of the beauty of the nature, and it reminds me of the calmness of the oxygen.

✓ I prefer views in urban areas because they offer more glimpses of nature and its beauty, from flowers to trees and mountains. The green color relaxes me and reminds me of nature's beauty and the freshness of the air.

Problems: incorrect preposition use ('views of the nature' should be 'glimpses of nature' or 'views of nature'); repetitive and awkward phrasing; 'calmness of the oxygen' is unnatural — use 'freshness of the air'. Also remove redundant filler 'I quite prefer' and repeated clauses. Use verbs consistently and concise noun phrases. Suggested practice: choose correct prepositions with 'nature' (of vs. in) and prefer natural collocations like 'glimpses of nature' or 'views of nature'.

× I can say that I preferred the views than other countries because, uh, the city where I live in Ankara doesn't have enough abuse to see and get amazed by.

✓ I would say that I prefer the views in my own country to those in other countries because the city where I live, Ankara, does not have enough attractions to see and be amazed by.

Errors: inconsistent tense ('I can say that I preferred' mixes present and past — use present 'prefer'); incorrect comparative structure ('preferred the views than' should be 'prefer the views in my own country to those in other countries'); wrong word choice 'abuse' likely intended 'attractions'. Also improve clause order and punctuation for clarity. Suggested practice: use consistent tense (present for general preferences), use 'prefer A to B' for comparisons, and check word choice carefully.

× It is actually quite a big city and it is crowded with moles and new apartments, so it does not have enough urban areas to discover.

✓ It is actually quite a big city, and it is crowded with malls and new apartment buildings, so there are few green or interesting urban areas to discover.

Errors: 'moles' is a wrong word choice for 'malls'; 'new apartments' is better as 'new apartment buildings'; sentence structure and meaning unclear — 'does not have enough urban areas to discover' is awkward, better as 'there are few... areas to discover'. Also adjust plurality and use 'there are' to indicate existence. Suggested practice: proofread for incorrect homophones or misspellings and use 'there is/there are' for existence statements.