Views— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and correct hesitations and repetitions. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct small grammar issues (e.g. "It helps me remember those memories" → "It helps me remember moments"). Avoid filler words and repeated phrases.

예시: Yes, I love taking pictures of different views. For example, I often photograph skies and celestial scenes because the contrasts between the sun, moon and stars look dramatic. Also, I take portraits of friends and family to capture special moments, so I can remember them later.

제안: Give a direct topic sentence, use linking words and avoid fillers and repetition. Be specific about what you like in urban scenes and explain why briefly. Correct small phrasing issues (e.g. "the business of people" → "the bustle of people"). Keep the answer within 2–4 clear sentences.

예시: I prefer urban views because I enjoy the energy of cities. For instance, skyscrapers and busy streets show dynamic contrasts and movement, which I find interesting when I photograph them. Also, the bustle of people often creates lively moments that tell a story in a single image.

제안: Clarify your idea and avoid contradictions. Start with a direct preference, then give clear reasons and a brief example. Avoid confusing phrases like "I am already aware of the tourist spots in my country despite I have not been there yet." Instead, explain concisely why foreign views appeal to you.

예시: I prefer views in other countries because they offer new scenes and cultures to photograph. For example, I want to visit famous international landmarks and local markets that are different from what I'm used to, so I can capture unique perspectives and build my travel photo collection.

× It it helps me remember those memories like to to take into film that moment in time.

✓ It helps me remember those moments, like capturing that moment on film.

Repeated words and incorrect verb forms: 'It it' and 'to to' are repetition errors. 'Take into film' is ungrammatical; use 'capturing that moment on film' where 'capturing' is the correct present participle to describe the action of recording a moment visually. Also 'memories' fits but 'moments' is more natural here. Suggestion: remove duplicates and use 'capturing' or 'taking a photo of' to express the idea.

× I prefer views in urban areas I would say, because at the moment I really enjoy like skyscrapers, the city, the business of of people, but being in that point in time where you can see how busy they are, it helps you.

✓ I prefer views in urban areas, I would say, because at the moment I really enjoy skyscrapers, the city, and the bustle of people, but being in that place where you can see how busy they are helps you.

Problems: missing comma and connector for clarity; 'like' after 'enjoy' is unnecessary; 'the business of of people' is incorrect—likely meant 'bustle' or 'business of people'; 'being in that point in time' is wrong prepositional phrase—use 'in that place' or 'at that moment'. Also remove extra 'of'. Suggestion: use 'bustle' for crowd activity and 'place' instead of 'point in time' when referring to a physical location.

× I would say I would enjoy views in other countries because I am already aware of the tourist spots in my country despite I have not been there yet.

✓ I would say I would enjoy views in other countries because I am already aware of the tourist spots in my country, even though I have not been there yet.

'Despite' cannot directly precede a clause with subject + verb; use 'despite' with a noun phrase or use 'even though'/'although' for clauses. Also add a comma before the concessive clause for clarity. Suggestion: use 'even though' when connecting a full clause with subject and verb.

× Or like my friends, my family, the food.

✓ Or things like my friends, my family, and the food.

Sentence fragment lacking clear noun phrase structure. Adding 'things' completes the list and 'and' before the last item is required for correct coordination. This corrects the fragment and makes the list parallel. Suggestion: ensure lists have consistent parallel structure and include conjunctions.