Views— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Your answer is natural and shows enthusiasm, but it is a bit redundant and disorganized with filler words ("you know", "it gives you"). To improve, keep your response to a clear topic sentence, remove fillers, and add one specific supporting detail or example using a linking word. Aim for 2–3 concise sentences with varied vocabulary.

예시: Yes, I enjoy taking photos of different views because they capture memories and remind me of places I still want to explore. For example, when I photographed a coastal cliff last summer, the picture helped me remember the light and inspired me to plan another trip.

제안: The main idea is clear (preference for urban views) but the answer is long-winded, full of hesitations and repeats. Improve by stating your preference directly, then give a specific reason and an example using linking words such as "because" or "for example." Use fewer pauses and choose precise vocabulary like "relax" or "recharge."

예시: I prefer urban views because they offer quick opportunities to relax during a busy day. For example, a rooftop garden near my office lets me recharge during lunch without travelling far.

제안: Your response answers the question directly and gives reasons, but it contains many hesitations and repetitive phrasing. To improve, give a concise topic sentence, then two specific reasons (e.g. convenience and lower cost) and one brief example. Replace colloquial fillers with clearer connectors like "because" and "so."

예시: I prefer views in my own country because they are more convenient and less expensive to visit. For instance, I can take a weekend trip to a nearby national park without needing a passport or worrying about visa fees.

× Yes, definitely, because taking pictures, it keeps you on a reality check, you know, it gives you.

✓ Yes, definitely, because taking pictures keeps you in touch with reality and gives you perspective.

The original has redundancy and an incorrect collocation 'on a reality check'. Use the gerund 'taking pictures' as subject followed by a singular verb 'keeps'. 'In touch with reality' and 'gives you perspective' are natural collocations. Remove the extra comma that interrupts the clause.

× There are lots of places that you need to still explore and each picture represents a memory of you and it helps you to explore more, you know?

✓ There are lots of places you still need to explore, and each picture represents a memory of yours and helps you explore more.

Use natural word order 'places you still need to explore' rather than 'you need to still explore'. 'Memory of you' is incorrect; use the possessive form 'memory of yours' or 'your memory'. Also remove the unnecessary 'it' before 'helps' because the subject 'each picture' already performs both actions.

× Well, I believe we need to have more views in urban areas because, uh, during our busy schedule, you know, the office hours, uh, we need to have some, uh, me time, you know, uh, to keep the energy and to refresh your mind whenever you have a good view to spend some time.

✓ Well, I believe we need more views in urban areas because, during our busy schedules and office hours, we need some me time to restore our energy and refresh our minds when we have a good view to enjoy.

'Busy schedule' should be plural when referring to people ('our busy schedules'). 'We need to have some me time' is awkward; 'we need some me time' is better. Match plural possessives and verbs: 'refresh our minds' instead of 'your mind'. Use clearer verbs: 'restore our energy' and 'enjoy' instead of 'to spend some time'.

× Of course, I prefer views in my own country because, uh, see if you have views in different country, you need visa, you need passport, you need money to visit there.

✓ Of course, I prefer views in my own country because if you want to see views in a different country, you need a visa, a passport, and money to travel there.

Use 'see views in a different country' rather than 'have views in different country'. Include articles: 'a visa' and 'a passport'. Use 'travel there' instead of 'visit there' for natural phrasing. Remove unnecessary filler 'see' at the start of the clause.

× But if you have the views in your country, it's easy. You just have to, you can go whenever you, you want, whenever you, uh, have time, you can.

✓ But if the views are in your country, it's easy: you can go whenever you want or whenever you have time.

Avoid redundant phrasing 'you just have to, you can go'. Use passive/clearly structured 'the views are in your country' or 'if the views are in your country'. Remove repeated fillers and repetitions. Combine clauses with 'or' to show alternatives and keep pronouns consistent ('you want' / 'you have time').