Travelling— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: 用词自然，但有重复与语法小错误，句子较长且有冗余。建议：1) 开头先给出直接回应（topic sentence），然后用1-2句具体支持细节；2) 避免重复短语（如“I would look I would like looking”），注意时态与搭配（on train journeys / on plane trips）；3) 使用连接词使句子更连贯并控制在最多5句内。示例修改要点：简洁表达偏好→补充具体例子→用连接词衔接。

예시: I usually prefer the window seat when I travel because I enjoy watching the scenery. For instance, on train journeys I like looking at fields and forests, while on plane trips I enjoy seeing coastlines and cityscapes from above.

제안: 内容具体但表达混乱，有多处语法和词汇错误（地名拼写、重复词、用词不当如“drug transfer”）、句子结构不清晰。建议：1) 先用一句简洁的主题句说明经历；2) 用一两句描述细节（交通工具、时长、感受）；3) 确认词汇准确，如father's job transfer（工作调动），地点拼写正确；4) 避免重复并注意时态。

예시: Yes. When I was eleven my family moved from Beijing to Nanjing because of my father's job transfer. The journey was by train and took about thirty-six hours; it was long and tiring, but it created many memorable moments.

× For example, on train travels I would look I would like looking at fields and forests and on plane trips I would enjoy seeing the buildings and coastlines from above.

✓ For example, on train journeys I like looking at fields and forests, and on plane trips I enjoy seeing buildings and coastlines from above.

句中多处问题：1) “look I would like looking” 是重复且结构混乱，应删除多余部分并使用一致的动词形式；2) 根据句意用一般现在时表达习惯动作，故用 like 和 enjoy 后接动名词 looking/seeing；3) “train travels” 用法不地道，改为更常用的复数名词“train journeys”。建议：在表达习惯性动作时用一般现在时，like/enjoy 后接动名词（-ing），并避免重复词组。

× When I was eleven, my whole family moved from Beijing to Nanim because of my father's drug transfer.

✓ When I was eleven, my whole family moved from Beijing to Nanjing because of my father's job transfer.

句中有两个问题：1）地名拼写错误“Nanim”应为“Nanjing”或其他正确城市名；2）短语“drug transfer” 不合语境，可能想说“job transfer”（工作调动）。根据叙述是过去发生的动作，使用 moved（过去式）是正确的，但需更正名词和词组以符合语义。建议：检查专有名词拼写并选用语境合适的名词短语（例如 job transfer）。

× It took The journey took by train which takes took about thirty six hours and it's long and tiring, but also it's a lot but also worth a lot of memory.

✓ The journey by train took about thirty-six hours. It was long and tiring, but it was also very memorable.

原句语序混乱并有时态与重复问题：1）“It took The journey took by train which takes took” 是重复且时态混杂，应简化为“The journey by train took ...” 使用过去时 took 描述过去的旅程；2）“it's long and tiring” 讲的是过去的经历，应改为过去时“it was long and tiring”；3）“but also it's a lot but also worth a lot of memory” 表达不清，改为“but it was also very memorable”（非常值得回忆）。建议：描述过去事件时保持整个句子在过去时，避免重复短语并用清晰的形容词短语表达感受。