Travelling— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be concise and correct word choice; start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler sounds, correct collocations (e.g., "look out the window" and "relieving stress"), and limit to up to 4 sentences. Add a brief specific detail to support your opinion using a linking word (e.g., "because").

예시: Yes, I usually look out of the window when I travel by bus or car. I find watching trees and fields relieves my stress because it distracts me from traffic and lets me relax. For example, last week I enjoyed a calm view of rolling hills on my way home.

제안: Use clearer structure: give a direct answer, then one reason with specific detail, avoid awkward phrasing (e.g., "keep memories", "from the window"). Use linking words like "because" or "so" and avoid repetition.

예시: Yes, I usually take photos of the scenery outside the car window because I want to keep memories of beautiful landscapes. For example, I often photograph hills and trees during long drives so I can look back at them later.

제안: Give a clear, concise preference statement, then one or two specific reasons using linking words like "because" and "for example". Avoid vague words like "naturalistic"; choose simpler, accurate adjectives (e.g., "scenic", "peaceful").

예시: I prefer the mountains because they offer panoramic views and a peaceful atmosphere. For example, from a mountain you can see rivers and valleys spread out below, which feels more scenic and relaxing than the busy seaside.

× Yes, I look at the window scenario when I whenever I'm traveling by bus or car.

✓ Yes, I look out of the window whenever I'm traveling by bus or car.

The sentence uses 'window scenario' incorrectly and has redundant words ('when I whenever'). Replace with the adverbial phrase 'look out of the window' and remove redundancy. This fixes word choice and word order: use a clear verb phrase and a single time connector ('whenever').

× It feels like watching the nature around you makes more, uh, stress relieving and more enjoyable to the ride.

✓ Watching the nature around you feels stress-relieving and makes the ride more enjoyable.

Original has awkward word order and incorrect adjective/adverb forms ('stress relieving' should be hyphenated as 'stress-relieving' used as an adjective; 'more enjoyable to the ride' is incorrect preposition and order). Reordering to subject 'Watching the nature around you' and using correct compound adjective and verb phrase clarifies meaning.

× Usually I take photos of this scenery outside the car window to keep the memories around myself and watch the landscape, hills and trees around you and keeping the memories by myself.

✓ Usually I take photos of the scenery outside the car window to keep the memories and to remember the landscape, hills, and trees around me.

The original mixes pronouns ('myself', 'you') inconsistently and has verb form issues ('keeping'). Use first-person pronouns consistently ('me'/'my') and parallel verb forms ('to keep' and 'to remember') to improve clarity and grammar.

× I prefer mountains because mountains are high and you can watch everything from the mountain around your area and even the rivers can be seen through the mountains, which looks more naturalistic and beautiful.

✓ I prefer the mountains because they are high and you can see a wide area from them; even rivers can be seen between the mountains, which looks more natural and beautiful.

Inconsistent singular/plural usage ('mountains' then 'the mountain') and awkward phrasing ('looks more naturalistic'). Use consistent plural references ('the mountains'/'them'), correct verb agreement ('looks' -> 'look' if referring to plural, but rephrased here), and prefer 'natural' over 'naturalistic' for natural appearance.