Building— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise, correct grammar, and organize ideas with a clear topic sentence and one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words to connect contrasts and future hopes. Avoid repetition and unclear place names.

예시: No, there are very few tall buildings near my home because I live in a small provincial city. In contrast to Manila, which is highly urbanized with many high-rises, my town only has two or three multi-storey buildings. However, I hope the city will develop more high-rises in the next few years as the local economy grows.

제안: Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two concrete reasons and a specific example. Fix minor grammar and sentence fragments. Use linking words like 'because' and 'for example' to make the answer coherent.

예시: Yes, I take many photos of buildings because I am an architect and I enjoy studying form and structure. For example, my favourite shot is a steel high-rise in Manila with a futuristic façade; I photographed it at dusk to capture the reflections and lighting, which highlighted its geometric shapes.

제안: Give a direct topic sentence, then provide specific reasons and details about what interests you. Avoid filler words and informal contractions; use linking words like 'because' or 'because of' to connect reasons.

예시: I would love to visit the Sagrada Família in Spain because its architecture is extraordinary. As an architect, I am especially interested in its intricate facades and the stained-glass windows; I want to study how light filters inside and observe the ongoing construction techniques.

제안: Provide a clear topic sentence, then support with one or two specific reasons. Clarify contradictions (you said not in a rural area then mention province) and avoid repeating phrases. Use linking words like 'because' and 'therefore'.

예시: No, I would not like to live in a tall building because I grew up in the provinces and prefer ground-level living. Therefore, when I settle down I would like a small house on a large lot where I can create a garden and a peaceful retreat rather than living in a high-rise apartment.

× There are very few tall buildings in my area because I currently live in a small city in the province, unlike in Manila where it's very urbanized and have a lot of high rise in the Malolos.

✓ There are very few tall buildings in my area because I currently live in a small city in the province, unlike in Manila where it's very urbanized and has a lot of high-rises in Malolos.

The subject 'Manila' is singular and requires the third-person singular verb 'has' rather than 'have'; additionally 'high rise' should be plural 'high-rises' to match 'a lot of'. Use consistent pluralization for countable nouns. Suggestion: use 'has a lot of high-rises' or 'there are a lot of high-rises'.

× I can count in my finger in my hand the high rises.

✓ I can count the high-rises on one hand.

The original sentence has awkward and incorrect phrase order ('in my finger in my hand') and redundant parts. Correct idiomatic expression is 'count on one hand' and 'high-rises' should be hyphenated and plural. Suggestion: use concise idiomatic phrasing like 'I can count the high-rises on one hand.'

× Located here, but in the future I hope that as Malala's progresses then more tall buildings would arise.

✓ There are none here now, but in the future I hope that as Malolos progresses more tall buildings will arise.

Sentence fragments ('Located here') and incorrect place name 'Malala's' cause confusion. Also tense/modal combination 'would arise' is less natural for a hopeful future; use 'will arise'. The corrected sentence uses a full clause and proper noun 'Malolos'. Suggestion: make full independent clauses and keep place names consistent.

× Yes, I take a lot of photos of buildings, especially as an architect.

✓ Yes, I take a lot of photos of buildings, especially because I am an architect.

The phrase 'especially as an architect' is understandable but slightly ambiguous; adding 'because I am' clarifies the reason. This fixes sentence flow and clarity. Suggestion: make causal relationships explicit.

× I like to capture the design and construction of a building, especially if I like how it looks and what it makes me feel.

✓ I like to capture the design and construction of a building, especially if I like how it looks and how it makes me feel.

Parallel structure requires repeating 'how' to link the two clauses ('how it looks' and 'how it makes me feel'). The original omitted the second 'how', causing imbalance. Suggestion: maintain parallelism in coordinated clauses.

× My favorite photo of a building is a high rise that I. Captured located in Manila so it is a steel building with futuristic designs.

✓ My favorite photo is of a high-rise I captured in Manila; it is a steel building with futuristic designs.

The original has erroneous punctuation ('I. Captured') and awkward word order ('captured located in Manila'). Combine clauses into one coherent sentence and fix punctuation. Also 'high-rise' hyphenation and clearer clause separation improve readability. Suggestion: avoid mid-sentence periods and place modifiers next to the nouns they describe.

× Someday I'd like to visit the Sagrada Familia, located in Spain.

✓ Someday I'd like to visit the Sagrada Familia in Spain.

The phrase 'located in Spain' is grammatical but wordy; removing 'located' makes it more natural. No major modal error, but simplification improves fluency. Suggestion: use concise prepositional phrase 'in Spain.'

× Uh, as I've mentioned before, I'm an architect and the church is one of the most marvelous buildings ever built and I wanna see it and embrace the glass, umm, stained glass designs and. See the construction of it.

✓ As I mentioned before, I'm an architect, and the church is one of the most marvelous buildings ever built. I want to see it, admire the stained-glass windows, and observe its construction.

The original contains run-on structure, filler words ('uh', 'umm'), informal 'wanna', misplaced period, and awkward phrasing ('embrace the glass'). Break into clear sentences, remove fillers, use formal 'want to', and correct noun phrase to 'stained-glass windows'. Suggestion: remove disfluencies and use concise verbs 'admire' and 'observe.'

× No, not really.

✓ No, not really.

This short answer is acceptable in spoken context and requires no grammatical correction. Suggestion: none.

× I don't like to live in a tall building because I grew up in the province and someday when I'm ready to settle down, I want to have a house and not in a rural area.

✓ I don't want to live in a tall building because I grew up in the province, and when I'm ready to settle down, I want to have a house in a rural area.

The original mixes ideas and ends with 'and not in a rural area' which contradicts intended meaning. Change 'like to live' to 'want to live' for preference, reposition 'in a rural area' to correctly modify 'a house', and remove unnecessary 'someday' redundancy. Suggestion: place prepositional phrases next to the noun they modify.

× I want to have a big lot but a small house so I can build a garden and just make it like. Make it look like a rest house.

✓ I want to have a big lot but a small house so I can build a garden and make it look like a rest house.

The original contains an unnecessary period and repetition ('make it like. Make it look like'), causing sentence fragments. Combine clauses and remove redundancy. Suggestion: use a single, complete sentence to express the idea clearly.