Building— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be direct and clear. Start with a simple topic sentence answering the question, then add one or two specific supporting details. Use correct grammar (e.g. "If I am" is incorrect) and simpler sentence structures to avoid confusion. Link ideas with words like "because" or "so" and avoid unrelated words ("a mountain" is unclear here).

예시: Yes, there are several tall buildings near my home. For example, there is an office block and a train station nearby, so the area is usually crowded and busy, especially during rush hour.

제안: Good clear answer with reasons. To improve, make sentences slightly shorter and add a linking phrase at the start of the reason (e.g. "because" or "as"). You can give one brief specific example of a recent photo to make it more concrete. Avoid redundancy like "the buildings" vs "buildings."

예시: No, I don't usually take photos of buildings because I prefer natural scenes. For example, last week I photographed the coastline near my city; the views of the sea and cliffs feel more refreshing and motivate me.

제안: Answer directly: say you would like to visit it, then give two clear reasons using linking words. Fix conditional phrasing ("If I would like to visit" is awkward). Add a specific detail about the building to make the answer more vivid.

예시: Yes, I would like to visit Kiyomizudera in Kyoto because it is perched on a hillside and surrounded by mountains. The temple has a famous wooden terrace with panoramic views, which I think would make me feel relaxed and refreshed.

제안: Clarify and organize your answer: state whether you want to live in a tall building, then compare with your past experience. Use accurate vocabulary ("apartment" vs "detached house"; "few effects" is unclear). Give specific reasons (noise, space, garden) and use linking words like "however" or "because."

예시: Yes and no. I would prefer a detached house to a tall building because I grew up in a detached house that was well insulated and had a garden, so it was quieter and had more space. However, I might consider a tall building if it offered better views and modern amenities.

× If I am, there are tall buildings near my home so my neighborhood is surrounded by the building, such as a company and station a mountain.

✓ Yes, there are tall buildings near my home, so my neighborhood is surrounded by buildings such as company offices, a train station, and a mountain.

Original sentence has incorrect conditional 'If I am' and wrong article and word order ('the building', 'station a mountain'). Corrected to a direct answer 'Yes' to match the question and pluralized 'buildings'. Listed items were reordered and given appropriate nouns and articles for clarity. Suggestion: Start with a direct response to the yes/no question, use plural nouns for general lists, and place articles before singular nouns (a station).

× So my neighborhood is always crowded.

✓ My neighborhood is always crowded.

Beginning with 'So' is unnecessary when the previous sentence already provides the reason. Removing it yields a concise statement that directly answers the question. Suggestion: Combine with the previous sentence or make it a standalone simple sentence without 'So' for clarity.

× It's busy.

✓ It is busy.

Contraction 'It's' is acceptable in speech, but for clarity in writing use 'It is busy.' This sentence correctly uses present tense to describe the current state. Suggestion: Use the simple present for general facts; avoid contractions if formal style is required.

× I don't usually take a photo of the buildings, I prefer photographing natural scenes like mountains and the sea because I find them more beautiful and refreshing, and looking at those photos helps to motivate me.

✓ I don't usually take photos of buildings; I prefer photographing natural scenes like mountains and the sea because I find them more beautiful and refreshing, and looking at those photos helps motivate me.

'A photo of the buildings' is wrong because 'buildings' is plural; use 'photos of buildings' or 'a photo of a building'. The comma splice was fixed with a semicolon. 'Helps to motivate me' is acceptable, but 'helps motivate me' is more natural. Suggestion: Use plural 'photos' when speaking generally about multiple buildings, and avoid run-on sentences by using appropriate punctuation.

× If I would like to visit a building called Kiyomizdera in Kyoto, it is surrounded by mountains, so the views are extremely scenic and being there with me may make me feel relaxed and refreshed.

✓ I would like to visit a temple called Kiyomizudera in Kyoto; it is surrounded by mountains, so the views are extremely scenic, and being there would make me feel relaxed and refreshed.

'If I would like to visit' wrongly uses a conditional; the student should state desire directly. 'Kiyomizdera' spelling corrected to 'Kiyomizudera' (common Romanization) and identified as a temple. 'Being there with me may make me feel' is awkward and ungrammatical; changed to 'being there would make me feel' to express likely result. Also fixed punctuation and word order. Suggestion: State preferences directly ('I would like to visit...') and use 'would' to express hypothetical feelings. Ensure proper nouns are spelled and described correctly.

× Yes I do.

✓ Yes, I do.

Missing comma after 'Yes' in writing. The sentence is otherwise correct as a short answer to the question. Suggestion: Use a comma after interjections like 'Yes' in written responses.

× I originally lived in the apart detached house and one advantage was that there were very few effects inside.

✓ I originally lived in a detached house, and one advantage was that there were very few pests inside.

'Apart detached house' is ungrammatical; correct term is 'a detached house'. 'Effects' is incorrect—context suggests 'pests'. Also added a comma before 'and' to join clauses. Suggestion: Use correct collocations: 'a detached house' for a standalone home, and 'pests' for insects or rodents. Proofread word choice to ensure meaning.

× Maybe because it was well fitted and had a garden with natural pest control.

✓ Maybe because it was well fitted out and had a garden that helped with natural pest control.

'Well fitted' is vague; 'well fitted out' or 'well equipped' is more natural. 'Garden with natural pest control' is awkward; rephrase to show the garden contributed to natural pest control. This clarifies the relationship between the garden and pest control. Suggestion: Use common adjective phrases ('well fitted out', 'well equipped') and link ideas clearly ('a garden that helped with').

× I also like the quiet and extra space compared to apartment.

✓ I also like the quiet and extra space compared to an apartment.

Missing indefinite article 'an' before 'apartment'. Use 'an apartment' when comparing to a single apartment unit. Suggestion: Remember to include appropriate articles before singular countable nouns.