Hobby— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, give one or two specific supporting details, use linking words, and avoid awkward phrases. Correct errors (e.g. "unwind myself" → "unwind", "bustle and hustle" → "bustle of daily life", "the music is the universal language of mankind" → "music is a universal language").

예시: I enjoy playing the guitar. It helps me unwind after a busy day and relax my mind. Also, because music is a universal language, learning songs from different cultures lets me appreciate a variety of styles. For example, I recently learned a Spanish folk piece that improved my rhythm and broadened my musical taste.

제안: Use correct tense and avoid repetition. Begin with a direct topic sentence (past tense), then add a specific detail and linking word. Remove redundant phrases like repeating "when I was younger."

예시: Yes, I enjoyed reading a lot as a child. Because I had plenty of free time, I often read adventure and fantasy books for hours. For instance, I remember finishing a whole series over summer and that sparked my imagination.

제안: Clarify and correct grammar; answer directly whether you still have a childhood hobby. Use linking words (however, but, so) and give specific examples. Avoid unclear phrases like "sometimes or forced" and organize into 2–3 sentences.

예시: I used to enjoy reading as a child, but I don't keep it up as much now because my interests changed as I grew older. However, I still read occasionally online; nowadays I spend more time browsing websites and playing online games, such as strategy games with friends.

제안: Make the response clearer and grammatically correct. Start with a direct sentence (No, we don't share hobbies), then explain briefly why with specific details. Replace vague phrases like "occupied with network" and "near work" with concrete descriptions (e.g. "work long hospital shifts").

예시: No, we don't have the same hobbies. My parents work long shifts at a hospital and often care for many patients, so they have little free time. As a result, they prefer simple rest at home while I pursue hobbies like playing guitar or online gaming.

× I especially like playing the guitar because when I have the free time, I think playing the guitar is a great way to unwind myself and to escape from the bustle and hustle from the routine.

✓ I especially like playing the guitar because when I have free time, I think playing the guitar is a great way to unwind and escape from the bustle and bustle of the routine.

Error: unnecessary reflexive pronoun and awkward phrasing. 'Unwind myself' is unnatural in English; use 'unwind'. 'The free time' should be 'free time' (no article). 'The bustle and hustle from the routine' is awkward; use 'the bustle of the routine' or 'the hustle and bustle of everyday life'. Suggestion: remove 'myself', drop 'the' before 'free time', and use fixed expression 'the hustle and bustle'.

× Additionally, the music is the universal language of mankind, so you can and enjoy all kinds of the music whatever you master.

✓ Additionally, music is the universal language of mankind, so you can enjoy all kinds of music whatever you prefer.

Errors: incorrect use of definite article 'the' before 'music' and 'all kinds of the music'. Also ungrammatical phrase 'you can and enjoy' and wrong verb 'master' in context. Remove 'the' when speaking about music in general. Replace 'you can and enjoy' with 'you can enjoy'. Use 'prefer' (or 'like') instead of 'master'. Suggestion: 'music' without articles and fix verb choices.

× Yeah, I especially enjoy reading when I was younger because I have plenty of free time when I was younger and there is no other activity for me to do.

✓ Yeah, I especially enjoyed reading when I was younger because I had plenty of free time and there were no other activities for me to do.

Errors: tense inconsistency. The sentence mixes present 'enjoy' and 'have' with past time reference 'when I was younger'. Use past tense 'enjoyed' and 'had'. Also 'there is no other activity' should be past 'there were no other activities' and use plural 'activities'. Suggestion: keep past tense throughout when talking about childhood.

× So I devote a great deal of time to reading and I am quite keen on it.

✓ So I devoted a great deal of time to reading and I was quite keen on it.

Error: tense mismatch with previous past narrative. 'Devote' and 'am' are present; they should be past 'devoted' and 'was' to match 'when I was younger'. Suggestion: maintain past tense for consistency when describing past habits.

× For I've enjoyed reading when I was younger because my mom sometimes or forced me to do that, but when I grow up I found it really difficult to keep and my interest has changed a lot.

✓ I enjoyed reading when I was younger because my mom sometimes forced me to do it, but when I grew up I found it difficult to keep reading and my interests changed a lot.

Errors: incorrect sentence structure, tense and extra words. 'For I've enjoyed' is wrong for past; use 'I enjoyed'. 'Sometimes or forced' is garbled; remove 'or'. 'Do that' -> 'do it'. 'When I grow up' should be past 'when I grew up'. 'Keep' needs an object 'reading'. 'My interest has changed a lot' should be past 'my interests changed a lot' to match narrative. Suggestion: simplify sentences, use consistent past tense, and provide objects for verbs.

× And if you have to say one, there must be enjoy browsing the website and playing the online game.

✓ If I had to choose one, it would be browsing websites and playing online games.

Errors: wrong pronoun perspective and ungrammatical verb phrase. 'If you have to say one' should be 'If I had to choose one'. 'There must be enjoy' is ungrammatical; use 'it would be'. 'Browsing the website' should be pluralized 'browsing websites' and 'playing the online game' -> 'playing online games'. Suggestion: use correct conditional form and appropriate noun forms.

× No, because my parents is occupied with network, they tend to have their morning and afternoon time filled with near work and they have to get the evening shift when it comes to great deal of the patients.

✓ No, because my parents are occupied with network work; they tend to have their mornings and afternoons filled with nearby work and they have to do the evening shift when there is a great deal of patients.

Errors: 'parents is' should be 'parents are' (subject-verb agreement). 'Occupied with network' is unclear; 'network work' or 'network-related work'. 'Morning and afternoon time' -> 'mornings and afternoons'. 'Near work' likely means 'nearby work' or 'desk work' depending on context. 'They have to get the evening shift' -> 'they have to do the evening shift'. 'When it comes to great deal of the patients' -> 'when there is a great deal of patients' or better 'when there are many patients'. Suggestion: correct subject-verb agreement, pluralize time periods, and choose clearer nouns.

× So they don't have so much time to develop an interest.

✓ So they don't have much time to develop an interest.

Error: awkward quantifier 'so much time' after negative auxiliary is acceptable but 'so much time' is less natural than 'much time' in this context. Suggestion: use 'much time' with negatives for smoother phrasing.