Hobby— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Fix tense and remove redundancy (e.g., "playing badminton, basketball and soccer" not "playing soccer and playing soccer"). Clarify why soccer gives you peace with a concrete reason or example.

예시: I have several hobbies, including watching TV and playing badminton, basketball and soccer. I have played soccer for four years with friends, and I enjoy it because running and teamwork help me relax and forget daily stress.

제안: Use correct past tense and avoid repetition. Begin with a direct topic sentence in past tense, then give specific supporting details and a reason using linking words like "because" or "so". Replace vague phrases like "gives us strength and power" with a concrete benefit or memory.

예시: Yes, when I was a child I loved playing volleyball with my friends. We often played in my backyard after school, and we enjoyed it because the matches improved our coordination and made us more active.

제안: Correct tense and coherence. Answer directly with present perfect or present simple depending on continuity ("I have played volleyball since childhood"). Use linking words and complete sentences; avoid unclear phrases like "it gives me it teach me." Provide a clear benefit or example of what you learned from volleyball.

예시: I have played volleyball since childhood, and it has helped me build strength and improve agility. For example, practicing passing and footwork taught me better coordination and quick reactions.

제안: Improve clarity and grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence: say whether your hobbies match. Then briefly compare using linking words (however, while, although) and give a specific contrast. Fix unclear segments like "when it comes to bus to my hobby."

예시: No, my hobbies are different from my family's. While my family prefers basketball, I prefer volleyball. However, both sports require teamwork and strategy: in basketball you plan passing routes, while volleyball focuses more on timing and positioning.

× I like watching TV, playing badminton, basketball and playing soccer.

✓ I like watching TV, playing badminton and basketball, and playing soccer.

List parallelism: maintain consistent gerund forms and add a comma before the final item for clarity; ensure items are separated correctly in a list.

× For four years I've been playing soccer with my friends and classmates and I love soccer because it gives you peace and it.

✓ For four years I've been playing soccer with my friends and classmates, and I love soccer because it gives me peace.

Redundant and incomplete phrase 'and it' creates a sentence fragment; also inconsistent pronoun use 'you' vs 'me'. Use first person 'me' to match speaker. Combine clauses with a comma and remove the extra 'and it'.

× Yes, when I was a child, I love playing volleyball with my friends.

✓ Yes, when I was a child, I loved playing volleyball with my friends.

Temporal inconsistency: reference to past time 'when I was a child' requires past tense 'loved' rather than present 'love'.

× We sometimes go to our backyard to play that game and we enjoyed it and it gives us strength and power in that sport.

✓ We sometimes went to our backyard to play that game; we enjoyed it, and it gave us strength and power in that sport.

Tense consistency: mix of present 'go' and past 'enjoyed' is inconsistent. Because speaker refers to childhood, use past tense 'went' and 'gave'. Also replace 'and it gives' with 'and it gave' to match past narrative and use punctuation for clarity.

× Since childhood, I love playing volleyball.

✓ Since childhood, I have loved playing volleyball.

'Since childhood' requires a present perfect tense to show an action that began in the past and continues to the present: 'have loved' instead of simple present 'love'.

× Volleyball gives me a lot of strength.

✓ Volleyball gives me a lot of strength.

This sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed. It is a simple present statement about a general truth.

× When I move and pass the ball to my opponent, it gives me it teach me.

✓ When I move and pass the ball to my teammate, it teaches me a lot.

Multiple issues: 'opponent' is likely wrong in context (you pass to a teammate, not an opponent). Phrase 'it gives me it teach me' is ungrammatical and redundant. Use 'it teaches me' (third person singular present) and add 'a lot' or a specific object. Ensure subject-verb agreement with 'teaches'.

× No. My family members love to play basketball and it's different when it comes to bus to my hobby, which is volleyball.

✓ No. My family members love to play basketball, which is different from my hobby, volleyball.

Awkward and incorrect phrase 'when it comes to bus to my hobby' is meaningless. Use correct conjunction and preposition 'different from' to compare, and rephrase for clarity: 'which is different from my hobby, volleyball.'

× In basketball, you have to have strategies on how to pass the ball, to make the game work and to be with your teammates.

✓ In basketball, you need strategies for passing the ball, making the game work, and cooperating with your teammates.

Improve parallel structure: use noun forms or gerunds consistently ('passing', 'making', 'cooperating') and choose more natural verbs ('need' instead of 'have to have'). Simplify 'to be with your teammates' to 'cooperating with your teammates' to express intended meaning.