Hobby— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and natural: give a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, and use one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, “and”, “but”, “especially”). Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

예시: I have several hobbies, including reading comics, listening to music, and playing tennis with my friends. I especially enjoy tennis because it helps me relax and stay fit. For example, we usually play twice a week at the local court, which is a great way to unwind after studying.

제안: Provide a clear, well-structured response: start with a topic sentence, avoid hesitation and repetition, and give a specific example or frequency. Use linking words to explain consequences (e.g., “so”, “because”). Correct tense and clearer time phrases help coherence.

예시: Yes, when I was a child I loved reading comics. I enjoyed them so much that I often read late into the night, sometimes three times a week, even when I had school the next day. Because of this, I remember getting sleepy in class a few times.

제안: Make the answer grammatically correct and specific: state clearly which hobby has continued since childhood, use proper verb forms and articles, and add a supporting reason or brief detail. Keep it under 4 sentences.

예시: Yes, some of my hobbies date back to elementary school, especially listening to music. I started collecting songs and learning lyrics when I was about eight, and I still listen to music every day to relax and concentrate.

제안: Improve fluency and clarity: give a direct topic sentence, avoid awkward phrasing, and include a specific example or frequency. Use linking words like “also” and “so” correctly and vary vocabulary (e.g., “enjoy”, “share”, “often”).

예시: Yes, my dad and brother also enjoy music, and we share a love of singing. We often sing together at family gatherings or when we drive, which is a fun way to bond and practice our favorite songs.

× I have several hobbies such as reading comics, playing tennis with my friends, listening and listening to music, but especially I like playing tennis with my friends to relax.

✓ I have several hobbies such as reading comics, playing tennis with my friends, and listening to music, but I especially like playing tennis with my friends to relax.

Incorrect use/repetition of the -ing list and coordination: 'listening and listening to music' repeats 'listening' and the list needs proper conjunctions. Use parallel gerund forms joined by 'and' and place 'especially' before the verb phrase for clarity. ID:8

× I actually had one which is which was reading comics.

✓ I actually had one, which was reading comics.

Redundant present 'is' with past 'was' creates tense inconsistency and awkward structure. Use a single past relative clause 'which was' to match 'had'. ID:5

× I really loved it, loved it.

✓ I really loved it.

Repetition is a discourse/pragmatic issue and creates an unnatural sentence; remove the duplicate to produce a grammatically correct and concise sentence. ID:26

× So sometimes even if I had a school after umm one day after I kept reading and then couldn't stop so I stayed up late like 3 * a week I think.

✓ Sometimes, even when I had school the next day, I kept reading and couldn't stop, so I stayed up late about three times a week, I think.

Mixed and missing tenses and unclear time expressions. Use 'when I had school the next day' for condition, simple past 'kept reading' and 'couldn't stop', and express frequency as 'about three times a week'. Also remove filler 'umm' and clarify wording. ID:5

× Actually all my hobbies that I've said has been started since.

✓ Actually, all the hobbies I mentioned started when I was a child.

Wrong subject-verb agreement and awkward passive/perfect construction. 'Hobbies' is plural so 'has been' is incorrect; better to use active past 'started' and clarify time reference. Also 'that I've said' is informal; use 'I mentioned'. ID:27

× When I was elementary school student, but for especially for listening to music.

✓ When I was an elementary school student, I especially liked listening to music.

Fragment and incorrect conjunction 'but for' create sentence without a main verb. Combine ideas into a complete sentence with correct article 'an' and clear verb 'liked'. ID:26

× Yes I have my dad and brother also love songs and music and another my hobby is singing and my brother also loves singing so we sometimes sing together.

✓ Yes, my dad and brother also love songs and music. Another hobby of mine is singing, and my brother also loves singing, so we sometimes sing together.

Pronoun and possessive structure errors: 'Yes I have my dad and brother also love' is ungrammatical. Split into two sentences, use 'Another hobby of mine' instead of 'another my hobby', and add commas to clarify coordination. ID:12