Hobby— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and organized: start with a clear topic sentence listing main hobbies, then give one brief detail about why you enjoy them. Avoid fillers and repetition, and correct grammar (subject-verb agreement). Use linking words to connect ideas.

예시: I have several hobbies, including swimming, team sports such as basketball and volleyball, and creative activities like crocheting and drawing. For example, I swim to relax and keep fit, while drawing helps me express my emotions when I feel reflective.

제안: Provide a clear topic sentence describing childhood hobbies, correct tense and pronoun errors, and give specific examples with short reasons. Remove filler words and finish sentences clearly.

예시: When I was a child I enjoyed skating in winter and riding horses in the countryside during summer. I didn’t stick to one hobby; I liked trying many activities because I enjoyed being outdoors and learning new skills.

제안: Answer directly naming the long-term hobbies, use correct grammar (teach → taught), and give one concise supporting detail about why it matters to you. Avoid hesitation and unclear phrases.

예시: Yes. I have enjoyed drawing since childhood; my grandfather taught me how to draw when I was young. I like drawing because it lets me capture nature and express my personal view of the world.

제안: Give a direct answer, then explain briefly with specific contrast. Correct grammar and remove repeated words. Use linking words (however, although) to show contrast.

예시: No, my hobbies are different from my family’s. They enjoy Mongolian traditional dancing, which I have tried, but I haven’t adopted it as a hobby; instead I prefer sports and drawing.

× I do have many hobbies like swimming, playing basketball and volleyball and the other team team uh, games and also I like uh crocheting and also uh drawing.

✓ I do have many hobbies like swimming, playing basketball and volleyball and other team games, and I also like crocheting and drawing.

The phrase 'the other team team games' is incorrect pluralization and article use. Use 'other team games' (no 'the' and no duplicate 'team') and parallel structure 'and I also like crocheting and drawing' to match plural nouns. Improve by removing duplicate words, unnecessary articles, and keeping items parallel.

× And all of my hobbies is depending on my mood and emotional mental situation.

✓ And all of my hobbies depend on my mood and emotional state.

Subject 'all of my hobbies' is plural so the verb should be 'depend' not 'is depending'. Also 'emotional mental situation' is awkward; 'emotional state' is concise. Use simple present for general truths and ensure verb agrees with plural subject.

× There was a child I would like to play, uh, skating, skating for the winter and for the summer I would love to go to countryside and ride your horses.

✓ When I was a child I liked to skate in the winter, and in the summer I loved going to the countryside and riding horses.

Original mixes tenses and has incorrect existential 'There was a child'. Use 'When I was a child' and past simple 'liked', 'loved' for habitual past actions. Use infinitive/gerund forms correctly: 'liked to skate' or 'liked skating' and 'riding horses' (not 'ride your horses'). Omit 'your' unless addressing listener's horses.

× And for me there were no like specific hobbies and I would try everything for me to.

✓ I did not have specific hobbies; I tried many activities.

Original has awkward structure and incorrect 'there were no like specific hobbies' and trailing 'for me to'. Use clear past simple structure: 'I did not have specific hobbies; I tried many activities.' Keep sentences concise and logical.

× Yes, I do have that kind of hobby. It's a wall ball and skid skating and also drawing for me.

✓ Yes, I have had some hobbies since childhood: wall ball, skid skating, and drawing.

Use present perfect 'have had' to indicate a hobby since childhood. 'It's a wall ball and skid skating' is ungrammatical; list items clearly with commas and parallel nouns. 'Skid skating' likely intended 'skateboarding' or 'skating' — clarify vocabulary.

× My grandfather teach me how to draw and I like how you can see, uh, the nature or everything and picture it in your way and think another way.

✓ My grandfather taught me how to draw, and I like how you can see nature and represent it in your own way, imagining it differently.

Tense error: 'teach' should be past 'taught' because it happened in the past. Pronoun and phrasing 'picture it in your way and think another way' is awkward; use 'represent it in your own way' and 'imagine it differently.' Ensure past tense for past actions and use appropriate pronouns.

× I would say no for my my whole business.

✓ I would say no; my hobbies are completely different from my family's.

Original 'no for my my whole business' is unclear and has repeated word. Clarify meaning: speaker intends to say their hobbies differ from family. Use correct possessive 'family's' and clear sentence structure.

× Different from my family. They like to dance like Mongolian national dances, dance and I I have tried them but still doesn't take it as a hobby and my hobby is different, different from my family.

✓ They like to perform Mongolian national dances. I have tried them, but they did not become my hobby; my hobbies are different from my family's.

Sentence fragments and repetition; subject-verb agreement error 'doesn't take it as a hobby' should be 'did not become my hobby'. Use past simple 'did not become' for completed attempt. Avoid repetition and provide clear subject before verb. Ensure verbs agree with plural subjects and maintain consistent tense.