Hobby— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Begin with a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question, fix grammar and pronoun errors, avoid repetition, and keep it within 3–4 concise sentences. Add a linking word when giving reasons. Use more precise vocabulary (e.g., landscapes, unwind).

예시: Yes, I have a couple of hobbies: painting and playing video games. I usually paint landscapes, like mountains and waterfalls, because it helps me express creativity. In addition, I play a variety of video games with friends to unwind in my free time.

제안: Answer directly and avoid filler sounds. Correct vocabulary (e.g., 'die-cast dinosaur models') and use one linking word to connect ideas. Be concise and give a short reason or a specific memory to strengthen the response.

예시: Yes, as a child I loved collecting die‑cast dinosaur models and small toy cars like Hot Wheels. I especially enjoyed arranging them on shelves and creating little scenes for playtime.

제안: Start with a direct topic sentence and use correct grammar (e.g., 'one of my hobbies', 'cultivated'). Keep sentences short and add a brief detail about how you practised or improved each hobby. Use linking words for clarity.

예시: Yes. Painting is one of my long‑standing hobbies, which I cultivated from a young age by taking art classes. Also, I have played the guitar since childhood and practiced regularly to improve my skills.

제안: Answer directly and use correct vocabulary (e.g., 'no' not 'know'). Use linking words to contrast (e.g., 'while' or 'whereas') and avoid informal or vague phrases like 'isolated'. Give one specific comparison and a brief reason if possible.

예시: No, our hobbies are quite different. For example, my sister enjoys makeup and travelling with friends, whereas I prefer spending time at home and doing quieter activities. My parents, on the other hand, enjoy household projects and gardening.

× You have few hobbies that include painting and video games, I.

✓ I have a few hobbies that include painting and video games.

The student used 'You' instead of 'I' which is the wrong subject for describing their own hobbies, and the sentence structure is incorrect. Also 'few' without an article implies 'not many' rather than 'a few' (some). Suggestion: use the first person 'I' and 'a few' to convey a small number of hobbies. Ensure subject matches the speaker.

× I. Painting sceneries of beautiful mountains and waterfalls.

✓ I paint sceneries of beautiful mountains and waterfalls.

The fragment 'I.' followed by a capitalized gerund phrase creates a sentence fragment without a proper verb. Change to a full clause with a finite verb 'paint' to form a complete sentence. Use simple present for habitual actions.

× Also, I love playing different types of video games with my friends.

✓ Also, I love playing different types of video games with my friends.

This sentence is grammatically correct. It appropriately uses the present tense 'love' to describe a habitual preference, so no change is needed.

× These hobbies relax my mind and I perform them when I have free time.

✓ These hobbies relax my mind, and I do them when I have free time.

'Perform' is awkward for hobbies here; 'do' is more natural. The present tense is correct for habitual actions. Also add a comma before the conjunction for clarity. Use natural collocations: 'do them' rather than 'perform them.'

× Just when I was a child I loved collecting Dinos uh I mean die cast model of dyno uh, dynos.

✓ When I was a child, I loved collecting die-cast models of dinosaurs.

Multiple issues: word choice and formality. 'Just when I was a child' is awkward—use 'When I was a child.' 'Die cast model of dyno uh, dynos' is garbled; correct term is 'die-cast models' and plural 'dinosaurs.' Use past tense 'loved' correctly. Add a comma after the introductory clause.

× Also I used to collect cars the mini versions like Hot Wheels.

✓ I also used to collect miniature cars, like Hot Wheels.

The phrase order and articles are incorrect. Use 'used to' + base verb 'collect' to describe a past habit, which is correct. 'Mini versions' should be 'miniature cars' or 'mini versions of cars.' Add commas for clarity and natural phrasing.

× Yes, as I mentioned earlier, painting is my one of my hobby which I have cultured from very young age and another hobby that I have followed since childhood is playing guitar.

✓ Yes, as I mentioned earlier, painting is one of my hobbies, which I have practiced since a very young age, and another hobby I have had since childhood is playing the guitar.

Multiple errors: 'my one of my hobby' redundant—use 'one of my hobbies.' 'Cultured' is incorrect verb; use 'practiced' or 'developed.' Missing articles: 'a very young age' requires 'a.' 'Playing guitar' commonly takes the definite article 'the guitar' in English when referring to the instrument generally. Use consistent past/perfect forms to show duration.

× Know our hobbies vary a lot like my sister likes doing makeup and traveling a lot with her friends but I am very isolated type of person, I do not move around here and there and overall my parents love doing household chores.

✓ No, our hobbies vary a lot. For example, my sister likes doing makeup and traveling with her friends, but I am a very private person; I do not move around much, and overall my parents enjoy doing household chores.

Several issues: 'Know' should be 'No.' Run-on sentence needs splitting into clearer sentences. 'Isolated type of person' is awkward; use 'private person.' 'Move around here and there' is informal—use 'move around much.' Add commas and a semicolon to separate contrasting ideas. Use 'enjoy' rather than 'love' for natural phrasing. Ensure pronouns match and sentence structure is coherent.