Hobby— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and organized: start with a clear topic sentence stating your main hobby, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid filler words (umm, you know) and repetition. Focus on clarity (why you enjoy it and a brief example).

예시: I enjoy listening to pop music. For example, I often listen to romantic pop songs while doing homework because the melodies help me concentrate. I also collect figurines related to my favorite artists, which I display on a shelf at home.

제안: Answer directly and provide specific, coherent details. Start with a topic sentence about the childhood hobby, then give concrete information (which characters, how many, why it mattered). Avoid vague numbers and unclear phrases like "half millions."

예시: Yes, I collected anime figurines as a child. For instance, I had about 20 figures from shows like One Piece and Naruto, which I kept in a display case. I enjoyed collecting them because they reminded me of the characters and stories I loved.

제안: Provide a clear topic sentence and explain with logical reasons and specific examples. Avoid unclear vocabulary and redundancy ("echo the the air"). Explain benefits concisely and link ideas with words like 'because' or 'so'.

예시: Yes, I have liked cycling since I was a child. I cycle regularly because it keeps me fit and helps reduce air pollution in my city. For example, I often cycle to school or the market instead of taking a car.

제안: Respond directly and use precise vocabulary. Start with a topic sentence (yes/no), then give specific examples of shared hobbies and explain why you enjoy them together. Replace fillers and correct words ("foot" → "food").

예시: Yes, my family and I share a love of trying different foods. For example, we often try Japanese sushi and American fast food on weekends. We enjoy exploring new cuisines together because it is a fun way to learn about other cultures.

× Well, umm, right now is definitely is listening to the pop music 'cause you know, I feel like really deep in the songs, you know, in the scenes of, you know, the lover songs, uh, are like, I can pay a lot of attention when I'm listening to music and doing my homework, but that I try, I really like to, you know, collect the figure.

✓ Well, umm, right now I am definitely listening to pop music because I feel really moved by the songs; in the romantic songs I can pay a lot of attention when I'm listening to music while doing my homework, and I also like to collect figures.

Errors: incorrect use of 'is' instead of subject 'I' and redundant 'is' (Present tense issue), awkward phrasing and conjunction use (Sentence structure). Suggestion: Use a clear subject + present continuous verb for current habits ('I am listening'), replace informal 'cause' with 'because', combine clauses with proper conjunctions and punctuation, and use plural 'figures' for collections.

× Well, like I say that I'm used to, you know, collecting a figure of anime characters from, you know, a lot of movies, kind of like One Piece and, you know, Naruto and I, I remember that I have to write around like 20 figures. That's cost me a lot, you know, about like half millions.

✓ Well, like I said, I used to collect figures of anime characters from series like One Piece and Naruto, and I remember that I had about 20 figures. That cost me a lot, around half a million.

Errors: incorrect tense forms and sequence (mixing present 'I'm used to' with past event) and wrong verb 'write' instead of 'have'/'own' (Past tense issue). Also incorrect verb phrase 'That's cost me' should be 'That cost me' (past simple). Suggestion: Use past simple for past habits ('I used to collect', 'I had'), use correct verbs ('collect figures', 'I had about 20'), and express amounts clearly ('around half a million').

× Well, that was a cycling, Yeah, I really loved that, you know, to echo the the air and, you know, reduce less air pollution for my urban city to improve their lifestyle and also the people.

✓ Well, that was cycling. Yeah, I really loved it because it reduces air pollution in my city and improves people's quality of life.

Errors: incorrect article 'a cycling' should be 'cycling' (Article errors) and awkward/malformed clauses. 'Reduce less air pollution' is ungrammatical; use 'reduce air pollution' or 'reduce pollution' and match subject-verb ('it reduces'). Suggestion: Use gerund without article for activity names, use clear causal connectors ('because') and correct verb agreement and noun phrases ('my city', 'people's quality of life').

× Well, umm, like I guess I'm we definitely have, you know, a lot, but our once is about, you know, we are foodie. Yeah, we are really love to, you know, take a foot, umm, from you know, another another culture like sushi from Japan and fast food from America. Yeah, we would really love it.

✓ Well, umm, I guess we definitely have a lot in common, but one thing is that we are foodies. Yeah, we really love trying food from other cultures, like sushi from Japan and fast food from America. We really enjoy it.

Errors: incorrect pronoun usage and agreement ('I'm we', 'our once') (Incorrect use of pronouns), and ungrammatical verb phrases ('we are really love to, take a foot'). Suggestion: Use correct subject pronouns ('I' or 'we') consistently, use nouns correctly ('one thing'), use 'foodies' for people who love food, and use verbs like 'love trying' or 'enjoy' plus noun phrases ('trying food from other cultures').