Shoes— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Answer the question directly and avoid unclear or incorrect words such as “shover” and “player.” Use a clear topic sentence, followed by a specific reason. Also, avoid repetition and informal fillers such as “you know.”

예시: Yes, I enjoy buying shoes, and I usually buy a new pair every two months. I tend to shop when my old shoes look worn out or when I want something suitable for a particular occasion. I also like trying different styles, so buying shoes is quite enjoyable for me.

제안: Give a direct answer first, then explain the reason and describe how you buy shoes online. Avoid repeating “because,” and use correct tense and phrasing: “when we meet” instead of “when we will meet.” You could also mention one advantage or possible problem with online shopping.

예시: Yes, I have bought shoes online several times. Some popular brands are not available in my country, so I usually ask my brother to order them for me. He gives them to me when we meet, although I sometimes worry that the shoes might not fit perfectly.

제안: Complete your answer with a specific amount or range. The response currently ends unfinished, so the examiner cannot understand how much you spend on long-term shoes. Use a clear contrast with “for example” or “whereas,” and replace “long term shoes” with “shoes that will last a long time.” Also, check the store name and avoid unnecessary fillers such as “actually” and “sort of.”

예시: It depends on the purpose of the shoes. For a one-off occasion, such as a birthday party, I usually spend around 30 to 50 dollars on an affordable pair from Zara or a similar shop. However, if I want durable shoes for everyday use, I’m willing to spend about 100 dollars because they will last much longer.

제안: Your answer has a clear opinion and a useful contrast, but improve word choice and grammar. Say “comfort and appearance” rather than “my comforts and my looks,” “hurt my feet” rather than “hurt my leg,” and “get through the day” rather than “get throughout the day.” Avoid repeating “because” by using linking words such as “as a result” or “at the same time.”

예시: I prefer to strike a balance between comfort and style because both are important to me. I can’t wear shoes that hurt my feet, as I would find it difficult to get through the day in them. At the same time, I don’t want to wear shoes that look unattractive, so I usually choose a stylish pair with good support.

× Yes, because these days in my country it is pretty hard to find those popular and good shoes because not every store comes to my country, so I just ask my brother to order shoes online and give it to me when we will meet.

✓ Yes, because these days in my country it is pretty hard to find popular, good-quality shoes because not every store ships to my country, so I ask my brother to order them online and give them to me when we meet.

After when, we normally use the present simple to refer to a future time, not will. Therefore, when we will meet should be when we meet. This is a present-tense issue in a future time clause.

× Yes, because these days in my country it is pretty hard to find those popular and good shoes because not every store comes to my country, so I just ask my brother to order shoes online and give it to me when we will meet.

✓ Yes, because these days in my country it is pretty hard to find popular, good-quality shoes because not every store ships to my country, so I ask my brother to order them online and give them to me when we meet.

Shoes is plural, so it cannot refer to shoes. Use them as the object pronoun: order them and give them to me. Matching pronouns with plural nouns will make your reference clear and grammatically accurate.

× It actually depends because if I need them for only one occasion, like to go out or someone's birthday, I usually buy shoes from Mas Marquette like Zara or other shops that are not really pricey, but if I'm looking at some long term shoes, I usually spend around sort of

✓ It actually depends. If I need shoes for only one occasion, such as going out or attending someone's birthday, I usually buy them from mass-market brands like Zara or other shops that are not very expensive. However, if I am looking for long-term shoes, I usually spend around $100.

The original answer ends with around sort of and does not provide the amount being discussed, so the final clause is incomplete. Complete the sentence by adding a specific amount or a complete phrase such as around $100. Avoid ending an answer with an unfinished expression.

× So I like to strike a balance between my comforts and my looks because both of them are really important for me and I cannot wear shoes that hurt my leg because it will be hard for me to get throughout the day.

✓ So I like to strike a balance between my comfort and my appearance because both of them are really important to me, and I cannot wear shoes that hurt my feet because it would be hard for me to get through the day.

In this context, comfort is an uncountable noun, so it should not be made plural as comforts. The expression my comfort and my appearance is more grammatically appropriate. Also, shoes normally relate to both feet, so feet is the suitable plural noun.

× So I like to strike a balance between my comforts and my looks because both of them are really important for me and I cannot wear shoes that hurt my leg because it will be hard for me to get throughout the day.

✓ So I like to strike a balance between my comfort and my appearance because both of them are really important to me, and I cannot wear shoes that hurt my feet because it would be hard for me to get through the day.

The fixed expression is get through the day, not get throughout the day. Get through means successfully continue until the day is finished. Also, important to me is the more natural prepositional pattern in this sentence.

× However, I also could not wear the shoes that look awful.

✓ However, I also cannot wear shoes that look awful.

The question asks about your current preference, so the present-tense form cannot is needed. Could not refers to a past situation or a conditional possibility, which does not fit the intended meaning here.