Shoes— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and correct small grammar mistakes. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details (frequency and reason). Correct phrasing: say “every month” or “monthly.” Avoid repeating ideas (online variety already mentioned later).

예시: Yes, I love buying shoes. I usually buy new shoes every month to keep up with trends, and I often shop online because there is a much wider selection than in local stores.

제안: Fix repetition and run-on sentence issues. Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, recently/last month). Provide a clear topic sentence, then one specific example with a linking word. Watch verb forms: use ‘bought’ not ‘brought.’

예시: Yes, I have bought shoes online. For example, I recently bought a pair of sneakers that fit perfectly, and I find online shopping convenient because I can compare many styles and brands easily.

제안: Avoid repetition and give a specific amount or range to be more informative. Use one linking phrase to explain the reason. Keep it within two to three sentences.

예시: I usually spend a fair amount on shoes — around $80 to $150 per pair — because I prefer to invest in quality footwear. Collecting shoes is a hobby of mine, so I value durability and style.

제안: Correct small grammar issues and make linking clearer. Start with a topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons with linking words (for example, therefore/consequently). Avoid vague phrases like 'not good for long term' — specify health or comfort consequences.

예시: I definitely prefer comfortable shoes because I work long hours and they prevent foot pain and other health issues. Therefore, I choose practical designs that provide support rather than fashionable shoes that can be uncomfortable over time.

× I buy shoes in every month to keep up with the current trends and I often shop online due to the wide variety available.

✓ I buy shoes every month to keep up with current trends, and I often shop online because of the wide variety available.

Remove the incorrect preposition 'in' before 'every month' (correct phrase is 'every month'). Use 'because of' to express reason for online shopping; 'due to' should modify nouns. Also omit the second 'the' before 'current trends' for natural phrasing.

× I find it very I find it convenient to shop online because I can browse a wide variety of styles and brands recently I brought a pair of sneakers online and it fit perfectly.

✓ I find it very convenient to shop online because I can browse a wide variety of styles and brands. Recently I bought a pair of sneakers online and they fit perfectly.

Remove the duplicated phrase 'I find it'. Split into two sentences for clarity. Use past simple 'bought' (not 'brought') for completed action. Use plural pronoun 'they' to refer to 'a pair of sneakers' and plural verb 'fit' to agree with 'they'.

× I tend to spend quite a bit on shoes as I believe in investing as I believe in investing in quality footwear and collecting shoes is one of my hobbies.

✓ I tend to spend quite a bit on shoes because I believe in investing in quality footwear, and collecting shoes is one of my hobbies.

The sentence contains a repeated phrase 'as I believe in investing' and lacks proper connectors. Replace the second 'as I believe in investing' with a comma and conjunction to join the clauses. Use 'because' or a single 'as' to explain the reason; removing repetition improves clarity.

× Definitely I prefer comfortable shoes because I work a lot during the day and comfortable shoes prevents foot pain and related health conditions.

✓ Definitely I prefer comfortable shoes because I work a lot during the day and comfortable shoes prevent foot pain and related health conditions.

Subject 'comfortable shoes' is plural, so the verb must be plural: use 'prevent' not 'prevents'. Ensure subject-verb agreement for third person plural.

× And I think wearing a fashionable shoe is not good for long term.

✓ And I think wearing fashionable shoes is not good for the long term.

Use plural 'shoes' to match general statement. Add the definite article 'the' before 'long term' when using it as a noun phrase ('the long term'). Alternatively, use the adverbial form 'in the long term'.