Hometown— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise, clear and grammatical. Start with one direct sentence naming the hometown and its characteristics, avoid filler words (uh, um), use correct prepositions and verb forms, and limit to 2–4 sentences. Add one specific detail to make it natural and informative.

예시: My hometown is Goka, a small town in Japan. I live in Onda, which is on the edge of the city and surrounded by countryside. I enjoy the quiet streets and nearby rice fields, which make it a peaceful place to grow up.

제안: Answer directly with a clear topic sentence and a specific reason. Remove fillers and finish your supporting point. Use linking words (because, so, therefore) and give a concrete example of friendly behaviour to make it vivid.

예시: I like the peaceful, quiet atmosphere in my hometown because most residents are older and very friendly. For example, neighbours often greet me when I walk by and sometimes invite me for tea, which makes the community feel warm and safe.

제안: Give a concise, correctly structured answer stating the time period. Avoid repetition and filler sounds. Use simple past or present perfect appropriately (e.g., 'I lived there until I was 18' or 'I have lived there since I was born' depending on current situation). Clarify whether you still live there or left and where you went.

예시: I lived in my hometown from birth until I was 18. After I turned 18 I moved away to study and have been living in the city since then.

제안: Respond directly and include reasoning plus a brief example or consequence. Use linking words (because, so, therefore) and avoid hesitations. State your opinion clearly and support it with specific reasons relating to jobs, entertainment, or education.

예시: I don't think it's ideal for young people because most residents are elderly and there are fewer job and entertainment options. Therefore, many young people move to the city for work or university, where there are more opportunities and social activities.

× My hometown is Goka in Japan. Uh, I live in a small town called Onda. Uh, here is, uh, edge of the city, So it's in the countryside. Uh, there, there are, I like.

✓ My hometown is Goka in Japan. I live in a small town called Onda. It is on the edge of the city, so it's in the countryside.

The phrase 'edge of the city' needs the definite article 'the' and a clear subject/verb structure. 'Here is, uh, edge of the city' is ungrammatical; use 'It is on the edge of the city' to indicate location. Also remove filler words and capitalize appropriately. Use 'on the edge' as the correct prepositional phrase.

× I like uh. I like peaceful and quiet atmosphere about my hometown because most residents are elderly people so they are very friendly. They greet me and we.

✓ I like the peaceful and quiet atmosphere of my hometown because most residents are elderly and very friendly. They greet me when we meet.

Use the definite article 'the' before 'peaceful and quiet atmosphere' and 'of' rather than 'about' to indicate possession/characteristic. 'Elderly people' can be shortened to 'elderly' as an adjective. The sentence fragment 'They greet me and we.' is incomplete; complete it as 'They greet me when we meet' to express reciprocity and a full clause.

× Uh, since I was born, uh, I, uh, I brought up my, by my parents. So I left my hometown for, uh, 18 years old, 18 years. And when I was 18, I, I left my hometown and I woke, I walked in another.

✓ Since I was born, I was brought up by my parents. I left my hometown when I was 18 years old.

Use passive past 'was brought up' instead of 'brought up my, by my parents'. 'I left my hometown for 18 years' is incorrect: use 'I left my hometown when I was 18 years old' to indicate the time of leaving. The clause 'I woke, I walked in another' is unclear and ungrammatical; it should be omitted or clarified with correct verbs and objects.

× As I say before, uh, most, there are many uh, elderly residents, so, umm, most young people, uh, prefer to move in central city. So there are a few young.

✓ As I said before, there are many elderly residents, so most young people prefer to move to the city center. Therefore, there are few young people left.

Use past 'said' for 'As I said before' when referring to a previous statement. Use 'move to' and 'city center' (or 'central city' is unnatural) to express destination. 'There are a few young' is incomplete; use 'few young people' or 'few young people left' to indicate scarcity. Adjust tense and articles for natural English.