Hometown— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise, avoid hesitations (uh, umm), correct minor grammar and use one clear topic sentence followed by a specific detail. Also use a natural collocation (e.g., "called Pokhara") and give one concrete fact.

예시: I come from Pokhara, Nepal, a city famous for its natural beauty. It’s often called the "City of Lakes" because it has several beautiful lakes and attracts many tourists each year.

제안: Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, correct sentence structure, and use linking words to connect ideas. Provide one specific example of what you enjoy (e.g., activities or views) to make the answer more vivid.

예시: I love that Pokhara is a valley surrounded by hills, so I always feel close to nature. For example, I can go hiking in the nearby hills or relax by the lake at sunset, which makes city life feel peaceful.

제안: Give a clear, direct answer about the length of time first, then add concise supporting details. Fix pronunciation/typos (Pokhara), avoid unclear phrases like "one grave," and use linking words. Be specific about the duration and one reason you miss it.

예시: I have lived in Pokhara since I was a child, so that's about 18 years. However, I'm currently in Kathmandu for a short time, and I miss Pokhara’s peaceful environment and outdoor activities like boating on the lakes.

제안: Answer directly, then support with one or two clear reasons using linking words. Avoid fillers and improve grammar (e.g., "it attracts many tourists every year"). Be specific about opportunities available for young people (jobs, tourism-related businesses, outdoor activities, lifestyle).

예시: Yes, I think Pokhara is a good place for young people because it attracts many tourists every year, creating jobs in hospitality and guiding. As a result, young people can find work in tourism, start small businesses, or enjoy outdoor sports like paragliding and trekking.

× I'm from Nepal and I reside in the city named as Pokhara.

✓ I'm from Nepal and I reside in the city called Pokhara.

Use 'called' or 'named' without 'as'. 'Named as' is nonstandard in English; the correct expressions are 'called Pokhara' or 'named Pokhara'. Use 'called' for natural speech.

× It is a very famous city for its natural beauty.

✓ It is a very famous city for its natural beauty.

This sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed. 'The' before 'natural beauty' is appropriate because we refer to a specific concept of beauty in that area.

× It is known as the uh city of Seven lakes because it is full of Umm lakes and umm famous for tourism.

✓ It is known as the city of Seven Lakes because it is full of lakes and is famous for tourism.

Capitalize the proper name 'Seven Lakes' and remove filler words. Use 'full of lakes' rather than 'full of Umm lakes' to avoid redundancy. Add 'is' before 'famous' for a complete clause.

× My hometown is a valley which is surrounded by hills and as I said earlier, it is renowned for its natural beauty.

✓ My hometown is a valley surrounded by hills and, as I said earlier, it is renowned for its natural beauty.

Use the reduced relative clause 'a valley surrounded by hills' instead of 'which is surrounded by hills' for conciseness. Add commas around the parenthetical phrase 'as I said earlier.'

× So I like how even when I'm residing in city makes me feel like I'm so close to nature and I don't miss the natural beauty by residing in urban area.

✓ I like how living in the city still makes me feel close to nature, and I don't miss natural beauty even though I live in an urban area.

Use gerund 'living' instead of 'I'm residing' to express general state. Insert 'still' and restructure clause to correct subject-verb relationship: 'living... makes me feel'. Use 'live' and 'an urban area' for idiomatic phrasing.

× I have lived in Pogara since my childhood.

✓ I have lived in Pokhara since my childhood.

Use present perfect 'have lived' with 'since' is correct; main issue is spelling of 'Pokhara'. Keep tense as present perfect to indicate continuity from past to present.

× My father moved from Sorangut and we stayed there.

✓ My father moved from Sorangut and we moved there with him.

'We stayed there' is ambiguous after 'moved from Sorangut'. Clarify that the family moved to the same place: 'we moved there with him.' Use consistent past tense.

× All my three siblings grew up in Pokhara and currently I'm staying in Kathmandu for a short period of time.

✓ All three of my siblings grew up in Pokhara, and I am currently staying in Kathmandu for a short period of time.

Use 'All three of my siblings' for natural word order. Expand contraction 'I'm' to 'I am' for formality and place comma before conjunction joining independent clauses.

× But I miss my hometown because there are lots of things that one grave and one cannot find in cities like Kathmandu.

✓ But I miss my hometown because there are many things that one can have there and cannot find in cities like Kathmandu.

Replace 'lots of' with 'many' for formality, and correct 'one grave' (nonsense) to 'can have there'. Maintain contrast with things unavailable in big cities.

× Yes, I think my hometown is very much suitable for young people.

✓ Yes, I think my hometown is very suitable for young people.

Use 'very suitable' instead of 'very much suitable'; 'very much' modifies verbs or entire clauses, while 'very' modifies adjectives.

× As I said earlier, my hometown is renowned for its natural scenic and, umm, tourism.

✓ As I said earlier, my hometown is renowned for its natural scenery and tourism.

Use the noun 'scenery' not the adjective 'scenic'. Place 'tourism' as a noun coordinate with 'scenery'.

× So, uh, more tourist to visit, uh, every year and it's a good place to have an opportunity, uh, for pursuing career.

✓ So more tourists visit every year, and it's a good place to find opportunities for pursuing a career.

Use plural 'tourists' and correct verb 'visit'. Replace 'have an opportunity for pursuing career' with 'find opportunities for pursuing a career' for grammatical and idiomatic correctness.