Hometown— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence stating the location, then add one or two specific details. Avoid repetition and grammatical errors (e.g. 'in the parts of Drastic' unclear). Use correct prepositions and sentence structure.

예시: My hometown is Drastic, a small town in eastern Nepal. It’s surrounded by hills and forests, and offers lovely natural scenery. The people are friendly, and the atmosphere is generally peaceful and relaxing.

제안: Answer clearly with a topic sentence naming what you like, then give specific reasons or examples. Avoid vague phrases and incorrect grammar. Use linking words (for example, also, because) to connect ideas and be specific about attractions and why they appeal to you.

예시: I like the variety of places to visit in my hometown because there are scenic spots and cultural sites. For example, Pas and Bukhari have beautiful viewpoints, and Gufadara and Voter Kosi are popular for hiking and picnics. Because of these attractions, I often relax there with friends.

제안: Give a clear time frame (e.g. 'I have lived there all my life' or 'I lived there until I was 18'). Use a simple topic sentence and one supporting detail. Avoid repetitive phrasing and incorrect tense usage.

예시: I have lived there all my life; I was born and raised in Drastic. As a child I used to play with my neighbours in the hills and forests nearby.

제안: Give a clear yes/no topic sentence and then support it with two or three specific reasons. Use correct subject-verb agreement and avoid filler words (uh). Be concise and use linking words (for example, furthermore).

예시: Yes, it is. My hometown offers good education and healthcare services, and there are some local job opportunities. Furthermore, young people can join extracurricular activities such as computer clubs and sports, which help them develop skills.

× My hometown is in the parts of Drastic which is located in eastern part of Nepal.

✓ My hometown is in the Dolakha district, which is located in the eastern part of Nepal.

Original uses incorrect place names and prepositions: 'in the parts of Drastic' is unclear and 'eastern part of Nepal' needs the definite article 'the' and 'in the' before region. Use correct place name or 'district' and include 'the' before 'eastern part'. Also add a comma before the nonrestrictive clause 'which is located...'. Suggestion: use 'in the eastern part of Nepal' or 'in eastern Nepal' depending on style.

× It is beautiful and peaceful place surrounded by hills, forest and natural scenery.

✓ It is a beautiful and peaceful place surrounded by hills, forests, and natural scenery.

Missing indefinite article 'a' before 'beautiful and peaceful place'. Also 'forest' should be plural 'forests' to match list of features. Add commas and Oxford comma for clarity. Suggestion: include 'a' and pluralize countable nouns when speaking generally.

× The environment there is a very peaceful and comfortable and the people are very helpful and grateful.

✓ The environment there is very peaceful and comfortable, and the people are very helpful and grateful.

Use of definite article 'the' before 'environment' is acceptable but 'a very peaceful' is redundant; better to use no article or 'a' depending on nuance. Remove the extra 'and' before 'the people', and add a comma before 'and' to connect independent clauses. Suggestion: simplify to 'The environment there is very peaceful and comfortable, and the people are very helpful and grateful.'

× What I like most about my hometown is to this destination and there are many places to visit like Pas, Bukhari, Gufadara and Voter Kosi.

✓ What I like most about my hometown is that it is a great destination and there are many places to visit, like Pas, Bukhari, Gufadara, and Voter Kosi.

Original sentence has incorrect infinitive phrase 'is to this destination' and lacks connector 'that' for a noun clause. Also add commas and 'a' before 'great destination' for fluency. Suggestion: use 'is that it is' or 'is its' depending on meaning; ensure noun clauses are introduced properly.

× People can easily enjoy refresh and my hometown is also development place so it is I like.

✓ People can easily relax and enjoy themselves, and my hometown is also a developing place, so I like it.

'Enjoy refresh' is incorrect; use 'relax' or 'refresh themselves' and include reflexive pronoun 'themselves'. 'Development place' is incorrect adjective usage; use 'a developing place' or 'a developed place' depending on meaning. Also sentence order and pronouns wrong: 'so it is I like' should be 'so I like it.' Suggestion: use clear verbs ('relax', 'enjoy') and correct noun/adjective forms ('developing').

× When I was born there and I grew up there, the place is very beautiful.

✓ I was born and grew up there; the place is very beautiful.

Original mixes time reference incorrectly: 'When I was born there and I grew up there' then present 'the place is very beautiful' is acceptable but phrase is wordy. Use simple past for life events ('I was born and grew up there') and a separate sentence for current description. Suggestion: separate past biographical facts from present descriptions for clarity.

× When when I grew up, when I was child would I used to play there and with my neighbor friends.

✓ When I was a child, I used to play there with my neighborhood friends.

Multiple mistakes: duplicated 'When', wrong word order 'would I used to', missing article 'a' before 'child', and 'neighbor friends' should be 'neighborhood friends' or 'neighbours' depending on variety. Use 'used to' for habitual past actions: 'I used to play there with my neighborhood friends.' Suggestion: write simple past/habitual past correctly and include articles.

× Yes, absolutely. My hometown is a good place for a young, young individual because uh, my hometown provide good opportunities for job opportunities and healthcare system and education and extracurricular activities like learning uh, computer and playing games.

✓ Yes, absolutely. My hometown is a good place for young people because it provides good job opportunities, healthcare, education, and extracurricular activities like learning computers and playing games.

Problems: 'a young, young individual' is awkward and redundant; use 'young people'. Verb agreement: 'my hometown provide' should be 'it provides' (third-person singular). 'Opportunities for job opportunities' is repetitive; use 'job opportunities'. 'Healthcare system' can be shortened to 'healthcare'. 'Learning uh, computer' should be 'learning computers' or 'computer skills'. Suggestion: use plural 'people', correct subject-verb agreement, remove redundancy, and use parallel list structure.