Work— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be careful with tense and sentence structure. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add concise supporting detail. Use past tense for previous jobs and present perfect for duration (e.g., "I've been working there for two months"). Avoid repetition and filler words like "umm".

예시: I work as a Monitoring and Evaluation Associate at the National Commission on Violence Against Women. I've been there for two months, and before that I worked for an international NGO where I focused on program evaluation.

제안: Answer directly and organize details logically. Give one sentence about the organization and another about location and commute. Use correct collocations ("I commute" not "I work commute") and avoid fillers.

예시: I work at the National Commission on Violence Against Women, which is based in Menteng, Central Jakarta. I usually commute for about two hours to get there each day.

제안: Provide a clear opinion then support it with specific reasons. Avoid vague phrases and fillers. Use plural/singular consistency ("women's human rights").

예시: Yes, it's a good place to work. I value the organisation's strong integrity and commitment to defending women's human rights, which creates a motivated and ethical workplace.

제안: Structure the answer: state your overall feeling, then contrast with specific reasons. Use correct phrasing ("I miss working in the health sector"), avoid vague language like "kind of" and be concise.

예시: I enjoy working there, but I do miss the health sector. My current role focuses on women's community development, whereas my previous work dealt more directly with health programs.

제안: Be precise about plans and use correct grammar. Say "master's degree" and use simple future forms ("I plan to pursue"). Specify the exact role you aim for (e.g., "health consultant or program manager") and avoid repetition.

예시: I plan to pursue a master's degree to specialise in public health. After that, I hope to return to the health sector as a consultant or a program manager overseeing health initiatives.

× It has been two months since I work there.

✓ It has been two months since I started working there.

The phrase 'since' requires a reference to a point in time or a past action. Use past simple ('started') with 'since' to indicate when the action began, or use present perfect continuous. 'I work there' is incorrect with 'since'. Suggestion: Use 'It has been two months since I started working there' or 'I have been working there for two months.'

× Before that I also work at international NGO.

✓ Before that I also worked at an international NGO.

Describing a previous job requires past tense 'worked'. Also include the article 'an' before 'international NGO'. Suggestion: Use past simple for past roles: 'I worked at an international NGO.'

× Umm As I mentioned before, I work at National Commission on Violence against Women.

✓ As I mentioned before, I work at the National Commission on Violence Against Women.

The sentence needs the definite article 'the' with a named government body and consistent capitalization for the organization's name. Also remove hesitation filler 'Umm' in formal responses. Suggestion: 'As I mentioned before, I work at the National Commission on Violence Against Women.'

× It is located at Menteng Umm, Central Jakarta.

✓ It is located in Menteng, Central Jakarta.

Use 'in' for locations such as neighborhoods or districts, not 'at'. Also remove filler 'Umm' and add a comma after 'Menteng'. Suggestion: 'It is located in Menteng, Central Jakarta.'

× I usually work commute for two hours.

✓ I usually commute to work for two hours.

The verb 'commute' should be used as the main verb; 'work commute' is incorrect. Use 'commute to work' with duration 'for two hours'. Suggestion: 'I usually commute to work for two hours.'

× I really value the integrity and the morals that they have, which come down to, umm, fighting for a woman's human rights.

✓ I really value the integrity and morals that they have, which come down to fighting for women's human rights.

Do not use 'the' before 'morals' here; 'a woman's human rights' is awkward—use plural 'women's' for the group. Remove filler 'umm' and redundant commas. Suggestion: 'I really value the integrity and morals that they have, which come down to fighting for women's human rights.'

× Would you like the place where you work?

✓ Do you like the place where you work?

The examiner's question likely intends present preference; 'Would you like' asks about preference hypothetically. The student's response should answer 'Do you like...'. The sentence as written is a question form but in context the student should answer 'I enjoy it.' No grammar error for student's answer, but for consistency use 'Do you like...'. Suggestion: Use 'Do you like the place where you work?' for a straightforward present question.

× I enjoy it, but also I kind of missed on being on the health sector industries.

✓ I enjoy it, but I kind of miss being in the health sector.

'Missed' (past) is wrong when expressing a current feeling; use present 'miss'. 'Missed on being on' is ungrammatical. Use 'miss being in' and 'health sector' singular without 'industries'. Suggestion: 'I enjoy it, but I kind of miss being in the health sector.'

× I think, uh, the place that I work here is more focused on women, specifically on community development rather than the health aspect that I used to.

✓ I think the place where I work is more focused on women, specifically on community development, rather than the health aspects I used to work on.

Remove filler 'uh' and redundant 'here'. Use 'where I work' instead of 'that I work here'. Use 'health aspects I used to work on' to refer to past responsibilities. Add commas for clarity. Suggestion: 'I think the place where I work is more focused on women, specifically on community development, rather than the health aspects I used to work on.'

× I want to pursue my masters degree so that my future work plans would be more, uh, related to that specific study that I aimed.

✓ I want to pursue my master's degree so that my future work plans will be more related to that specific field of study that I am aiming for.

Use 'master's degree' with apostrophe and singular possessive. 'Would be' is weak for planned future intentions—use 'will be'. Remove filler 'uh'. 'Study that I aimed' is awkward; use 'field of study that I am aiming for.' Suggestion: 'I want to pursue my master's degree so that my future work plans will be more related to that specific field of study that I am aiming for.'

× And it's, umm, basically it's back in the health industry as a consultant or a program.

✓ Basically, it's a return to the health industry as a consultant or program manager.

Remove filler 'umm' and redundant 'it's'. 'Back in the health industry' should be rephrased to 'a return to the health industry'. 'Or a program' is incomplete—use 'program manager' or 'program officer'. Suggestion: 'Basically, it's a return to the health industry as a consultant or program manager.'