Work— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence (I am a student), then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words (for example, because/to) and avoid repeating phrases. Maintain natural phrasing and correct minor grammar (e.g., "a master's degree in Commerce").

예시: I am currently a student. I plan to pursue a master's degree in Commerce abroad because it will give me specialised knowledge and better job opportunities in business.

제안: Answer directly and correct grammar and word choice. Use a clear topic sentence (I don't work at the moment) and then explain your career aspiration with reasons. Replace awkward phrases ("hope so to become", "stable well paid career") with natural alternatives and add linking words (for example, because, so).

예시: I don't work at the moment because I'm still a student. However, I hope to become an accountant in the future because I enjoy working with numbers and want a stable, well-paid career.

제안: Clarify and avoid unnecessary apologies. If you haven't worked there, say so clearly and then give an informed opinion using a clear reason and correct vocabulary. Fix unclear phrases ("has choked as accountant") and use linking words (for example, because, since).

예시: I haven't worked there so I can't be certain, but I think it would be a good place because my cousin works as an accountant at that bank and has described the supportive environment and good benefits.

제안: Be direct and concise. State you haven't seen the workplace, then add a conditional comment about what you would like, using linking words (for example, but, however). Remove apologetic fillers and correct tense/word order.

예시: I haven't seen my future workplace yet, so I can't say. However, I would like to work somewhere close to home with a friendly team and good facilities.

제안: Give a clear topic sentence and then specific reasons. Avoid repetition and fix grammar (tense and article use). Use linking words (for example, because, so that) and provide concrete details about how the job will benefit you.

예시: My future plan is to become an accountant because it has been my childhood dream and it offers long-term job security. For example, qualified accountants can work in many industries and earn a stable income to support my family.

× I am currently a student or I am not working.

✓ I am currently a student and I am not working.

The original uses 'or' incorrectly to join two true statements about the speaker's status. Use 'and' to connect these related facts. Also avoid repeating 'I am' unnecessarily: 'I am currently a student and not working.'

× I plan to pursue my higher education abroad.

✓ I plan to pursue my higher education abroad.

This sentence is grammatically correct. 'To pursue' correctly follows 'plan'. No change needed.

× I would like I would like to do a masters degree in commerce because it it will help me to build a career in business.

✓ I would like to do a master's degree in Commerce because it will help me build a career in business.

Errors: repetition 'I would like' and duplicated 'it'; missing possessive apostrophe in 'master's'; unnecessary 'to' after 'help'. Capitalize academic subject if used as a proper field. Suggestion: 'I would like to do a master's degree in Commerce because it will help me build a career in business.'

× I am not working at the moment because I am still a student.

✓ I am not working at the moment because I am still a student.

This sentence is correct. No change required.

× I hope so to become an accountant in future because I enjoy working with numbers and want to stable well paid career.

✓ I hope to become an accountant in the future because I enjoy working with numbers and want a stable, well-paid career.

Errors: 'hope so to' is incorrect — use 'hope to'. Add article 'the' before 'future'. Adjective order and forms: 'stable' is adjective, 'well-paid' needs hyphen and a preceding article 'a'. Commas separate adjectives. Also add 'a' before 'stable'.

× Sorry I don't know because I am not working yet and I think it will be a nice place to work because my my cousin sister has choked as accountant in the bank and she sometimes she shared me.

✓ Sorry, I don't know because I am not working yet. I think it would be a nice place to work because my cousin works as an accountant in a bank and she sometimes shares her experience with me.

Multiple issues: run-on sentence split for clarity. 'my my' duplicated; 'cousin sister' is redundant — use 'cousin' or 'cousin sister' only in some dialects but 'cousin' is standard. 'has choked' is incorrect; likely 'works' or 'is working'. Use 'works as an accountant in a bank'. 'she sometimes she shared me' is ungrammatical — use 'she sometimes shares her experience with me'. Also verb tense: use present simple for habitual action.

× I have not seen the place where I have to work in future so I don't know really where I where my job location was situated.

✓ I have not seen the place where I will work in the future, so I don't really know where my job will be located.

Use future tense 'will work' or 'will be located' for future events. Remove duplicate 'where I where'. Use 'in the future' and 'my job will be located' for correct word order.

× So sorry I can't say anything about it.

✓ So, sorry, I can't say anything about it.

Add commas for natural pause; sentence is otherwise acceptable. Alternatively: 'I'm sorry, I can't say anything about it.' which is more natural.

× I have future work plan I want to be I would like to be an accountant because it was my childhood dream and it is a better for my future career and also to benefit for my life.

✓ I have future work plans. I would like to be an accountant because it has been my childhood dream, it is better for my future career, and it will benefit my life.

Original is a run-on with repetition and tense errors. Use plural 'plans'. Remove 'I want to be I would like to be' duplication. Use present perfect 'has been my childhood dream' to indicate ongoing relevance. 'a better' is incorrect — say 'better for my future career'. 'to benefit for my life' is ungrammatical — use 'will benefit my life' or 'benefit me'. Improve sentence division and verb forms for clarity.