Work— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Simplify and make the answer more grammatically correct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence (e.g., “I’m currently a student”) and then add one brief detail about recent change. Correct tense and article errors and avoid repetition.

예시: I’m currently a student. I recently resigned from my job at the end of June and I’m preparing to start a master’s program at the University of Melbourne.

제안: Give a clear topic sentence stating your workplace, then briefly explain your role with specific details. Use correct nouns and plurals (e.g., residents) and reduce filler words like "umm."

예시: I worked for a government advice centre that provides support to local residents. My role involved advising residents on issues such as housing, benefits, and community services.

제안: State your opinion clearly, then give two specific reasons using linking words (e.g., "because" and "also"). Correct phrasing for salary and level, and avoid hesitations.

예시: Yes, it was a good place to work because the salary was quite competitive for an entry-level position. Also, the job offered good training opportunities that helped me develop useful skills.

제안: Answer directly then provide 1–2 specific supporting details. Use correct adjectives (helpful, not handsome) and improve sentence flow with linking words like "because" and "so."

예시: Yes, I liked working there because the atmosphere was friendly and my colleagues were very helpful whenever I had problems. As a result, I felt supported and comfortable at work.

제안: Give a clear goal sentence (e.g., "I plan to work as a data analyst") and explain briefly why, with specific reasons. Use correct verb forms and vocabulary (become/becoming, data analyst, current trend) and avoid vague phrases.

예시: My future plan is to become a data analyst because data science is in high demand and I believe my analytical skills and interest in statistics suit this field. I am planning to take relevant courses to build the necessary skills.

× Actually I just quit my job on the 30th of June and I start to preparing my master degree for the Melbourne University, so I'm now a student now.

✓ Actually I just quit my job on the 30th of June and I started preparing my master's degree at the University of Melbourne, so I'm a student now.

The sentence mixes present and past tense. 'I start to preparing' is incorrect: use past simple 'started' to match 'just quit' and use the gerund 'preparing' without 'to'. 'Master degree' should be possessive 'master's degree' and institution name is 'the University of Melbourne'. Also remove the duplicate 'now'. Suggestions: use consistent past tense for recent past actions, use 'started preparing' and correct noun forms.

× Where do you work?> Student: I work in the government advice the the job is content is about umm helping resident. And if they're have some problems.

✓ I work for the government in an advisory role; the job involves helping residents when they have problems.

Prepositions and word choice are incorrect. Use 'work for the government' not 'in the government' when referring to employment. 'Advice' should be 'advisory role' or 'advice service'. 'The job is content is about' is ungrammatical; use 'the job involves'. 'Helping resident' needs plural 'residents'. 'If they're have' combines contraction and verb incorrectly; use 'when they have'. Suggestions: use 'work for', 'involves', and correct noun plurality.

× I would say it it was a good place to work because, umm, the pay, the salary is quite well for uh, entry level. Person and it is umm.

✓ I would say it was a good place to work because the pay is quite good for an entry-level position.

'The pay, the salary is quite well' mixes noun and adverb incorrectly; use adjective 'good' to describe 'pay'. 'Entry level. Person' should be 'entry-level position' or 'an entry-level job'. Remove duplicate 'it' and extraneous filler words. Suggestions: use 'pay is good' and the noun 'position' with hyphenated 'entry-level'.

× I would say yes, I like the place I, I was working during that period because the atmosphere, umm, my colleagues are really handsome of helping me whenever I have some problems. So I like the place that I work.

✓ Yes, I liked the place I was working during that period because of the atmosphere; my colleagues were always willing to help me whenever I had problems. So I liked the place where I worked.

Pronoun and adjective misuse: 'handsome of helping me' is incorrect — likely intended 'helpful' or 'willing to help'. Tense consistency: refer to past period with past tense 'liked', 'were', 'had', 'worked'. 'Place that I work' should match past 'worked'. Suggestions: use 'helpful' or 'willing to help', and keep past tense consistent for past experiences.

× I would say my future work plan is to being UMM in data analyst because umm this is kind of a trend during these days and I find myself fit in the field.

✓ I would say my future work plan is to become a data analyst because this is a growing trend these days and I find that I am suited to the field.

'is to being' is incorrect; after 'is to' use base verb 'become' or use gerund 'being' without 'to'. 'UMM' extraneous. 'in data analyst' wrong preposition and noun form — use 'a data analyst'. 'I find myself fit in the field' is unnatural; use 'I find that I am suited to the field' or 'fit for the field'. Suggestions: use 'is to become a data analyst', correct article 'a', and natural collocation 'suited to' or 'fit for'.