Work— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid unnecessary information (e.g., allowance) and fix verb forms (practice → practicing; improve → improving). Use linking words like "because" correctly.

예시: I'm currently a student preparing to study in Australia. I'm focusing on improving my English by taking intensive courses and practising speaking with native speakers because strong language skills are important for my studies.

제안: Answer directly and clearly. Begin with a short topic sentence stating you don't work, then explain reasons with specific details. Avoid disfluent fillers (uh) and confusing phrases ("Australia to Brazil"). Use correct terms: "bachelor's degree".

예시: I don't have a job at the moment because I'm preparing to study abroad in Australia. I'm applying for a bachelor's degree program and focusing on language and application requirements instead of working full-time.

제안: Clarify what "place" refers to (home). Use a clear topic sentence and one supporting reason with specific detail. Avoid repetitions and colloquial contractions like "wanna". Use linking words such as "because" or "so" correctly.

예시: Yes, for me home is a good place to work because it is quiet and allows me to concentrate on studying and practising English. For example, I can join online lessons and review materials without distractions.

제안: Be direct and fluent. Start with a clear answer (Yes/No) and explain with specific supporting details. Remove unclear words ("players") and reduce hesitations. Use linking words like "because" and give one concrete example.

예시: Yes, I like my workplace at home because it is quiet and flexible. For example, I can schedule study sessions in a peaceful room and attend online classes without commuting.

제안: This answer is clear but can be improved with more specific details and a linking word. State your goal, give reasons and a concrete plan (e.g., types of research or industries). Avoid vague phrases like "many things."

예시: I plan to study chemistry in Australia because its universities offer strong research programs. My goal is to complete a bachelor's then a master's in chemical research, focusing on sustainable materials, and later work as a research chemist in renewable energy or pharmaceuticals.

× I'm currently a student, I've recently finished my allowance and I'm preparing for my high studies in Australia.

✓ I'm currently a student. I've recently finished my allowance, and I'm preparing for my higher studies in Australia.

Run-on sentence and word choice: 'high studies' is incorrect; use 'higher studies'. Also separate independent clauses with a period or conjunction with proper punctuation for clarity.

× So nowadays I'm practice and focus for my improving English, mostly because it is very important.

✓ So nowadays I'm practicing and focusing on improving my English, mostly because it is very important.

Use the present continuous with gerunds: 'practice' -> 'practicing', 'focus' -> 'focusing'. Also use 'on' after 'focus' and remove the unnecessary 'my' before 'improving'.

× Actually I'm currently not working because I'm planning to go to Australia to Brazil further studies.

✓ Actually I'm currently not working because I'm planning to go to Australia for further studies.

Redundant or conflicting locations: 'to Australia to Brazil' is incorrect. Use 'for further studies' and ensure only the intended country is mentioned.

× I plan to study uh, bachelors degree there, so I haven't taken on any long term jobs while I get ready to move.

✓ I plan to study a bachelor's degree there, so I haven't taken on any long-term jobs while I get ready to move.

Use the indefinite article and possessive form: 'a bachelor's degree'. Use hyphen in 'long-term' as a compound adjective.

× Well, to be honest, I'm working at home mostly because, uh, I wanna focus my improving my English.

✓ Well, to be honest, I'm working at home mostly because I want to focus on improving my English.

Colloquial 'wanna' -> 'want to'. Use 'focus on improving' rather than 'focus my improving'. Remove duplicate 'my'.

× So I work work for the for that, I think home is very good place for my studies.

✓ So I work for that reason. I think home is a very good place for my studies.

Repeated words 'work work' and extra 'the for' are errors. Split into two clear sentences and add article 'a' before 'very good place'.

× Definitely I, I would like the players.

✓ Definitely, I would like the place.

Probably meant 'place' not 'players'. Remove duplicate filler 'I, I' and correct the noun to 'place'.

× I work mostly because it is my home, so I can do many things in home.

✓ I work mostly because it is my home, so I can do many things at home.

Use preposition 'at' with 'home' in this context. 'in home' is incorrect.

× Now, for example, uh, I have quiet time and quiet places.

✓ Now, for example, I have quiet time and quiet places.

Remove filler 'uh' for clarity. Sentence is otherwise acceptable; no verb form change required.

× I'm planning to go to Australia for my high studies because it has excellent university and research opportunities.

✓ I'm planning to go to Australia for my higher studies because it has excellent universities and research opportunities.

Use 'higher studies' not 'high studies'. 'University' should be plural 'universities' to match 'research opportunities' generally.

× I want to study chemistry and become a research chemist working on many things.

✓ I want to study chemistry and become a research chemist working on many projects.

'Working on many things' is vague; 'projects' is more natural. The gerund 'working' is correctly used to describe ongoing activity.