Work— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Clarify job title and use correct grammar and concise structure. Start with a clear topic sentence stating your profession, then add one or two specific supporting details using correct tense and linking words. Avoid redundancy and long, awkward phrases.

예시: I am a dietitian by profession and have been practicing for nearly ten years. Over this time I have found the job very rewarding because I can help people improve their health; for example, I design meal plans that reduce chronic conditions.

제안: Give a concise topic sentence about location, then add one or two specific benefits with linking words. Correct grammar and word choice (e.g., 'patients', 'clinic', 'enjoy') and reduce repetition. Keep to at most five sentences.

예시: I run my own clinic next to my house, so it is very convenient and I can easily be on time. Additionally, the clinic has a pleasant garden which helps both my patients and staff relax between appointments.

제안: Answer directly and give specific examples of amenities and how they benefit people. Use linking words like 'for example' or 'because' and correct plural forms ('patients'). Keep sentences natural and avoid exaggerated phrases.

예시: Yes, it is a great place to work because we have modern equipment, a comfortable waiting area, and a small gym for rehabilitation. For example, the gym and private consultation rooms help patients recover more quickly and staff to work efficiently.

제안: Give a short clear opinion sentence, then support with one specific reason. Avoid repetition and unfinished sentences. Use concise language and correct grammar; mention ownership and specific amenities briefly.

예시: Yes, I really like working here because it is my own clinic and offers amenities I value, such as a private garden and flexible hours. Because of that ownership and convenience, I do not plan to move or change jobs.

제안: Provide a clear topic sentence about your main future plan, then add one or two specific, realistic goals with linking words. Correct vocabulary and finish sentences. Avoid unclear expressions like 'wearing several hats' without explanation.

예시: In the future I plan to develop my clinic into a leading community center for sports nutrition. For example, I aim to offer structured sports-nutrition workshops, partner with local teams, and launch online consultations to reach more people.

× I'm a direction by profession.

✓ I'm a dietitian by profession.

The word 'direction' is incorrect as a profession and likely a wrong word choice. Use the correct noun 'dietitian' (or the actual profession). Choose precise vocabulary to convey profession; if meant 'director', use 'director'.

× It has been almost a decade since I am doing this work.

✓ It has been almost a decade since I have been doing this work.

After 'It has been ... since' the present perfect continuous with 'have been doing' is required to indicate an action continuing up to now. Use 'have been doing' not 'am doing'.

× I can make a change in public life and moreover, I feel a sense of fulfillment and encouragement doing my job.

✓ I can make a difference in public life and, moreover, I feel a sense of fulfillment and encouragement when doing my job.

Use 'make a difference' not 'make a change' in this context. Add 'when' before 'doing my job' to link the phrase correctly. Also punctuation: comma after 'and'.

× Even my patient enjoy a lot in that cleaning.

✓ Even my patients enjoy that clinic a lot.

Subject-verb agreement: 'patient' should be plural 'patients' to match 'enjoy'. 'Cleaning' is likely wrong word; 'clinic' fits context. Word order: 'enjoy that clinic a lot' is natural.

× I run my own clinic, I'm self-employed, my clinic is adjacent to my house so it is far more convenient to go there and be on time and moreover it has a lot of green space and I can in get enough time to unwind myself from stress.

✓ I run my own clinic; I'm self-employed. My clinic is adjacent to my house, so it is much more convenient to get there and be on time. Moreover, it has a lot of green space, and I can get enough time to unwind from stress.

Multiple issues: punctuation and sentence run-on. Use 'much more convenient' not 'far more' (both acceptable but 'much more' is natural). 'Get there' is correct rather than 'go there'. 'I can in get' is incorrect; use 'I can get'. 'Unwind myself from stress' should be 'unwind from stress' (no reflexive pronoun needed). Ensure verb forms match and third-person singular 'it has' is correct here but other verb forms needed adjusting.

× Is it a good place to work? Definitely, it is an incredible place because it has almost each and every kind of amenities, both for my patient as well As for staff.

✓ Definitely, it is an incredible place because it has almost every kind of amenity, both for my patients as well as for the staff.

Use 'every' not 'each and every kind of' (wordy); 'amenity' singular or 'amenities' plural but pair with 'every kind of amenity'. 'patient' should be plural 'patients'. 'as well as' is the correct connective; capitalization of 'As' was wrong.

× We all feel the pleasant environment as well as positivity in this clinic because it has lots of green space.

✓ We all feel the pleasant environment and the positive atmosphere in this clinic because it has lots of green space.

'Feel the pleasant environment as well as positivity' is awkward. Use 'feel the pleasant environment and the positive atmosphere'. 'Positivity' is a noun but 'positive atmosphere' is more natural.

× Definitely, yes, I would definitely like this place because I don't think I'll move anywhere else or any kind of other work because the amenity I can get here, I cannot find everywhere everywhere else anywhere else in my surrounding or in my state, you know, because it is first of all, it is my own place and I.

✓ Yes, I definitely like this place because I don't think I'll move elsewhere or change my line of work; the amenities I have here I cannot find elsewhere in my area or state. First of all, it is my own place.

Multiple issues: repetition and awkward phrasing. 'Move anywhere else or any kind of other work' should be 'move elsewhere or change my line of work'. 'The amenity I can get here' -> 'the amenities I have here'. Remove filler and repeated words. Ensure modal 'would' unnecessary; use 'do' or simple present 'I like'.

× I'm I'm already wearing several hats and I have lots of featured pants and being an ambitious person, I really want to establish my clinic as one of the best clinic in my surrounding.

✓ I'm already wearing several hats and I have lots of future plans. Being an ambitious person, I really want to establish my clinic as one of the best clinics in my area.

Many word errors: 'featured pants' should be 'future plans'. 'One of the best clinic' needs plural 'clinics'. 'In my surrounding' is unnatural; use 'in my area'. Remove duplicate 'I'm'.

× Moreover, I am working on sports strategy of India and want to increase my reach to the community to guide them about sports nutrition and I also want to.

✓ Moreover, I am working on India's sports strategy and want to increase my reach in the community to guide them about sports nutrition, and I also want to expand my programs.

Add possessive 'India's sports strategy'. 'Reach to the community' should be 'reach in the community' or 'reach the community'. Sentence was incomplete; finish with 'expand my programs' or similar. Ensure parallel structure and present continuous 'I am working'.