Work— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Shorten slightly to avoid redundancy and ensure natural phrasing. Start with a direct topic sentence, then add one or two concise supporting details using linking words. Correct small grammar issues (e.g., 'I chose' or 'I major in').

예시: I'm a physics student at National School. I chose physics because I'm fascinated by how tiny particles create large structures like galaxies, and I enjoy the problem-solving in assignments, which has improved my analytical skills.

제안: Begin with a direct response (e.g., 'I don't work') then give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Avoid awkward phrases like 'This instant workload' and reduce sentence length to stay within the 5-sentence limit.

예시: I don't work at the moment because I'm a full-time student. Because of lab work and research projects, I focus on subjects I care about and develop critical thinking while learning from experienced professors and meeting like-minded peers.

제안: Answer more directly and correct factual/wording mistakes ('wins' not 'winds', 'Olympiads' not 'Olympians'). Use one clear evaluative sentence then provide a specific example or result. Keep language simple and precise.

예시: I don't work there, but my school is an excellent place to learn and build resilience. For example, it consistently wins national and international physics Olympiads and offers high-quality teaching and resources that help students succeed.

제안: Start with a clear topic sentence ('Yes, I like it') then add 1–2 specific supporting details. Check proper nouns (ensure correct place names) and use linking words like 'because' or 'also'. Avoid overly long sentences.

예시: Yes, I like my school because it's in Almaty and the campus has scenic views of nearby attractions. Also, many malls and cafes are nearby, so I can easily meet friends or relax after classes.

제안: Very clear and well-structured. To be even more concise, start with the direct plan then give one specific reason or goal using linking words. Use 'brain–computer interfaces' with a hyphen and avoid redundant explanations of neuroscience unless needed.

예시: After graduation, I plan to study neuroscience at the University of Hong Kong. I want to combine psychology and technology to work on brain–computer interfaces, which could help people with neurological disorders.

× Currently I'm a student at National School majoring in physics.

✓ Currently I'm a student at the National School majoring in physics.

The sentence omits the definite article 'the' before 'National School'. Use 'the' when referring to a specific institution known in context. Suggestion: include 'the' before specific school names when speaking generally about a known single institution.

× I choose physics because I've always been fascinated by how the behavior of tiny particles can lead to enormous structures like galaxies, and I enjoy the problem solving involved in assignments, which has really improved my analytical skills.

✓ I chose physics because I've always been fascinated by how the behavior of tiny particles can lead to enormous structures like galaxies, and I enjoy the problem-solving involved in assignments, which has really improved my analytical skills.

Two issues: verb tense and word form. 'I choose' is simple present but the speaker refers to a past decision, so past tense 'I chose' is appropriate. Also 'problem solving' should be hyphenated as the compound noun 'problem-solving'. Suggestion: use past tense for past decisions and hyphenate compound nouns used as single concepts.

× I'm a full time student in a rigorous academic program, so I don't have enough time to work because I'm often busy with lab work and research projects.

✓ I'm a full-time student in a rigorous academic program, so I don't have enough time to work because I'm often busy with lab work and research projects.

The phrase 'full time' should be the compound adjective 'full-time' when preceding a noun. This is an orthographic/grammar issue affecting number agreement of the compound form. Suggestion: use hyphenated compound forms before nouns.

× This instant workload lets me focus on subjects I'm passionate about and helps me develop my critical thinking while learning from experienced professors and also it gives me an opportunity to meet like minded peers.

✓ This intense workload lets me focus on subjects I'm passionate about, helps me develop my critical thinking while learning from experienced professors, and gives me an opportunity to meet like-minded peers.

Multiple problems: 'instant' is wrong word choice; should be 'intense'. The sentence is long and coordination is awkward—remove redundant 'and also' and use parallel verb forms ('lets', 'helps', 'gives'). 'Like minded' should be hyphenated as 'like-minded'. Suggestion: choose correct vocabulary ('intense'), ensure parallel structure for coordinated verbs, and hyphenate compound modifiers.

× I'm not working at the moment, but my school is an excellent place to gain knowledge and develop resilience under pressure.

✓ I'm not working at the moment, but my school is an excellent place to gain knowledge and develop resilience under pressure.

No grammatical correction needed; sentence is correct. Included here to indicate checked and no change required.

× It has a strong record in physics competitions with winds at national and international Olympians, and offers high quality teaching and resources that help students succeed and improve their discipline.

✓ It has a strong record in physics competitions with wins at national and international Olympiads, and offers high-quality teaching and resources that help students succeed and improve their discipline.

Multiple errors: 'winds' is a mistaken word; should be 'wins' (victories). 'Olympians' (people) is incorrect; 'Olympiads' (competitions) is correct. 'High quality' as a modifier should be hyphenated 'high-quality'. Suggestion: choose correct vocabulary ('wins', 'Olympiads') and hyphenate compound adjectives before nouns.

× Yes I do, my school is in Almaty and has spectacular views of nearby attractions such as Shun Black, which makes the campus feel very scenic and relaxing.

✓ Yes I do; my school is in Almaty and has spectacular views of nearby attractions such as Shymbulak, which make the campus feel very scenic and relaxing.

Punctuation: use a semicolon or period between independent clauses. 'Shun Black' appears to be a misspelling of 'Shymbulak' (a known Almaty attraction). Also 'which makes' should be 'which make' because the relative clause refers to 'views' (plural). Suggestion: fix punctuation, use correct place name, and ensure subject-verb agreement in relative clauses.

× There are also many shopping malls and cafes close by so after classes I can meet friends or unwind easily.

✓ There are also many shopping malls and cafes close by, so after classes I can meet friends or unwind easily.

Main issue is punctuation: add a comma before 'so' linking two independent clauses. Preposition 'close by' is acceptable; no change needed. Suggestion: use commas before coordinating conjunctions joining independent clauses.

× After graduation, I plan to attend the University of Hong Kong and study neuroscience on campus.

✓ After graduation, I plan to attend the University of Hong Kong and study neuroscience on campus.

Sentence is correct; 'study' follows 'plan to' and is the bare form, which is correct. Included to show checked and no change required.

× Neuroscience is a multidisciplinary field that studies the brain and spinal cord, and I want to combine psychology and technology so I can work on brain computer interfaces in the future.

✓ Neuroscience is a multidisciplinary field that studies the brain and spinal cord, and I want to combine psychology and technology so I can work on brain-computer interfaces in the future.

The phrase 'brain computer interfaces' should be hyphenated as 'brain-computer interfaces' when used as a compound noun. Conjunctions are fine. Suggestion: hyphenate compound technical terms for clarity.