Work— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and correct small errors. Start with a clear topic sentence (e.g. “I’m a nurse.”), remove hesitations, and combine ideas using a linking word to sound natural. Also correct “When I walk” to “When I work” and avoid repeating similar sentences.

예시: I’m a nurse. I love my job because it gives me great satisfaction, especially when a patient is discharged and goes home fully recovered. Therefore I feel I’ve achieved a meaningful goal.

제안: Use correct terms and grammar, avoid hesitations, and organise information with linking words. Replace incorrect phrases (“surgeon” → “surgical”, “patients who has” → “patients who have”), and avoid unclear final sentence (“work in the house”). Give a brief structured answer: main workplace, typical patients, and additional duties.

예시: I work in a hospital, mainly in the medical–surgical unit where we care for patients with conditions like diabetes and hypertension. I have also worked in the emergency department, so I’m experienced in urgent cases as well.

제안: Be more concise and avoid repetition. Start with a direct opinion sentence, then give one or two specific supporting points using linking words (e.g. “because” and “for example”). Correct grammar (“team members” plural, “work in the same spirit”). Avoid trailing off at the end.

예시: Yes, it’s a great place to work because we have a supportive team who collaborate to solve problems. For example, we divide tasks each shift so we can complete patient care efficiently and meet our daily goals.

제안: Avoid repetition and fix word choice and grammar. Say one clear reason sentence and provide two specific supporting details. Replace awkward phrases (“well equipped goods”, “well equipped equipment”, “good welfare”) with precise terms like “modern equipment” and “good staff welfare”. Remove hesitations.

예시: Yes, I love working there because the hospital has modern medical equipment and supportive, well-qualified colleagues. In addition, the management provides good staff welfare, which makes my job more enjoyable.

제안: Make a clearer, grammatically accurate plan sentence and add one or two reasons using linking words. Avoid ending mid-sentence. Use correct professional terms (e.g. “assess” instead of “diagnose” if scope of nursing role differs) and state why the plan matters to you.

예시: In the next five years I plan to work as a nurse consultant in a larger hospital, where I can assess patients independently and lead clinical care. This role would allow me to use my skills more fully and contribute to better patient outcomes.

× When I walk, I'm a nurse.

✓ When I work, I'm a nurse.

The student likely meant 'work' not 'walk'. This is a lexical error affecting present-tense meaning. Replace 'walk' with 'work' to convey current occupation.

× we admit patients who has a medical issues like diabetes, hypertension.

✓ we admit patients who have medical issues like diabetes and hypertension.

The relative clause refers to 'patients' (plural), so the verb must be plural 'have' not 'has'. Also remove the article 'a' before 'medical issues' and use 'and' to list conditions.

× I work in a hospital, umm, I work in a surgeon, medical surgical unit where we admit patients...

✓ I work in a hospital; I work in a surgical unit where we admit patients...

Use 'surgical unit' not 'surgeon, medical surgical unit'. 'In' is correct for hospital; punctuation and word choice needed: 'surgical unit' describes the department.

× And then I've also worked in a department where we take care of emergencies, emergency cases as well.

✓ I have also worked in a department where we take care of emergency cases as well.

Use present perfect 'I have also worked' (consistent), and 'emergency cases' is the correct noun phrase; avoid redundant 'emergencies, emergency cases'.

× So I literally work in the house.

✓ So I literally work in the hospital.

Context indicates 'hospital' rather than 'house'. This is a word choice / sentence meaning error; correct to match intended meaning.

× I would say it's a good place to work because I have a very good team members that we always come together to figure things out.

✓ I would say it's a good place to work because I have very good team members who always come together to figure things out.

'Team members' is plural so do not use 'a'. Use relative pronoun 'who' for people. Simplify phrasing for grammatical agreement.

× We divide our job and then in order to accomplish our goal for the day.

✓ We divide our tasks in order to accomplish our goals for the day.

Use 'tasks' or 'duties' (plural) and combine into one complete sentence; 'in order to' should directly follow the action it modifies.

× I have a very good team members that we always come together to figure things out. We divide our job and then in order to accomplish our goal for the day.

✓ I have very good team members; we always come together to figure things out. We divide our tasks to accomplish our goals for the day.

Replace 'job' with 'tasks' and adjust punctuation; 'come together' does not need 'we' inside relative clause. Prepositions and article usage adjusted.

× I love the place where I work because we have a facility that is well equipped goods, team members, qualified workers and also good welfare and then umm, it provides us with a lot of umm, we have well equipped equipment for caring of patient and it gives me joy that I'm working in so.

✓ I love the place where I work because we have a well-equipped facility, good team members, qualified staff and good welfare benefits. We have well-equipped equipment for caring for patients, and it gives me joy to work here.

Multiple issues: use articles correctly ('a well-equipped facility'), adjective order ('well-equipped facility'), 'staff' is better than 'workers', 'welfare benefits' clearer, 'caring for patients' requires 'for', and finish sentence with clear infinitive 'to work here.' Avoid repetition of 'well equipped'.

× I have planned that in the next 5 years I should be working in a bigger hospital as a nurse consultant where I will be able to oversee clients myself, diagnose their medical conditions and also be able to treat them the way I know professionally is allowed.

✓ I plan that in the next five years I will be working in a larger hospital as a nurse consultant where I will be able to oversee patients myself, diagnose their medical conditions and treat them professionally.

Use simple future 'I will be' or present plan 'I plan' instead of 'I have planned...should be'. Use 'patients' instead of 'clients', 'larger hospital' better than 'bigger', and simplify 'treat them professionally' to avoid awkward phrasing.

× Then that will give me.

✓ That will be very rewarding for me.

Original is an incomplete sentence. Provide a complete clause showing the intended result ('be very rewarding').