Work— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: 回答が不自然な表現（"I work as a miracle"など）や文法誤り、情報の伝わりにくさが目立ちます。まずは明確なトピック文を作り、職種・部署・主な仕事内容を簡潔に述べ、その後に理由を補足してください。接続詞（because, so, therefore）を使って論理をつなげ、語彙は職務に関連する語（division, distribute, subsidies, municipalities, contribute）を正しく使いましょう。発音や単語選択で迷ったら簡潔な言い回しを優先してください。

예시: I work for the UH Revitalization Division, where I am responsible for distributing subsidies to local municipalities. I enjoy this job because it allows me to contribute to community development and see the direct impact of our grants.

제안: 内容は伝わりますが文が冗長で不自然な語順や語彙（"convenience"単体や"cheap and variety of shops"）があります。まず場所の簡潔な回答をし、続けて具体的な理由（通勤の便利さ、職場周辺の施設）を接続詞でつなげて述べましょう。形容詞と名詞の順序や可算／不可算名詞に注意してください。

예시: I work in the central Tokyo office. It's convenient for me because the commute is short, and there are many affordable and varied shops near the office that I can visit after work.

제안: 返答が断片的で意味が不明瞭な部分（"has killed colleagues"など誤用）があります。まず肯定のトピック文を述べ、続けて具体的な理由（緑が多い、良い同僚、静かな環境）があるなら順序立てて説明してください。接続語（because, so, and）で文をつなぎ、文は短めにまとめましょう。誤った語（kill→）は同音でも意味が変わるので注意。

예시: Yes, it's a great place to work. The office is surrounded by green spaces and I have supportive colleagues, so I can concentrate and be more productive.

제안: 意図は伝わるが語彙や表現に誤りがあり（"Paris residents"は不適切）、文が長くまとまりがない。まず肯定の短いトピック文を述べ、その後に具体例（景色を見ること、気分転換できる）を接続詞で補足してください。過去分詞や形容詞（tired→tired）や名詞選択に注意。

예시: Yes, I really like my workplace. I can enjoy the view from the top floor, and when I'm tired I often take a short break to refresh and regain motivation.

제안: 将来の計画は明確で良いですが、冠詞や単数／複数形、語順の誤りが見られます（"to the citizen"→"to citizens"など）。まず目標を簡潔に述べ、なぜそうしたいか（住民への貢献、政策を変えたい理由）を1文で補足しましょう。職務や役職に関する語彙（division, position, policy-making, influence）を正確に使うと説得力が増します。

예시: In the future, I would like to move to a division where I can have more impact on citizens' lives. My goal is to work in a policy-making position so I can influence and improve public policies rather than only distributing subsidies.

× I work as a miracle.

✓ I work in municipal revitalization.

The original uses an incorrect preposition and an unlikely noun phrase ('as a miracle'). Use a proper job description and preposition. Say 'work in' a department or field. Suggestion: use 'I work in municipal revitalization' or 'I work for the municipal revitalization division.'

× I work for UH revitalization division and my law is distributing subsidies to each municipality and enjoy this job because I can contribute to each system.

✓ I work for the UH Revitalization Division, and my role is distributing subsidies to each municipality, and I enjoy this job because I can contribute to each community system.

Several issues: 'law' is incorrect word (should be 'role'), missing third-person singular agreement not applicable to 'I' but sentence needs conjunctions and articles. Use commas and 'and I enjoy' to make subject explicit. 'Each system' is vague; 'each community system' or 'each municipality' is clearer.

× I work in the central Tokyo office. I can enjoy this moment because there are convenience very close to my house and very close to the cheap and variety of shops I can enjoy after working.

✓ I work in the central Tokyo office. I enjoy this because there are convenient amenities very close to my house and many cheap and varied shops I can visit after work.

Incorrect noun/adjective forms and prepositions: 'convenience' should be 'convenient amenities' and 'very close to my house' only needs one phrase. 'Cheap and variety of shops' should be 'cheap and varied shops' or 'a variety of cheap shops.' Use 'visit after work' rather than 'enjoy after working.'

× Yes, it is surrounded by the green and many uh. Great. Has killed colleagues. My efficiency of working is very good, right? I can.

✓ Yes, it is surrounded by green spaces and many great colleagues. My work efficiency is very good.

Awkward fragments and wrong words: 'the green' should be 'green spaces'; 'Has killed colleagues' is incorrect and likely a mis-speech for 'has skilled colleagues' or 'great colleagues.' Remove filler 'uh' and incomplete fragments. 'My efficiency of working' should be 'My work efficiency.'

× Absolutely, yes, I would like I can enjoy the landscape or Paris residents from the top of the office so when I tired I can refresh and change the motivation as I go there.

✓ Absolutely. I can enjoy the landscape and city views from the top of the office, so when I am tired I can refresh and regain motivation by going there.

Incorrect verb forms and noun choices: 'Paris residents' is incorrect context; likely 'panoramic views' or 'city views.' 'When I tired' needs 'when I am tired.' 'Change the motivation' is unnatural; use 'regain motivation.' Use '-ing' forms correctly and proper clauses.

× In future, I want to change the division to the place where I can contribute more to the citizen. I want to go to the position I can change the policy, not just distributing subsidies.

✓ In the future, I want to transfer to a division where I can contribute more to citizens. I want to move into a position where I can change policy, not just distribute subsidies.

Article and plural issues: use 'In the future' and 'citizens' plural. 'Change the division to the place' is awkward; use 'transfer to a division.' Verb forms: 'go to the position I can change' should be 'move into a position where I can change policy.' Use base verb 'distribute' after 'not just.'