Advertisement— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and accurate. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (umm, like), correct plural/singular and prepositions, and limit to 3–4 sentences. Use linking words to make your points coherent.

例: Yes, I see a lot of advertisements on my phone and computer. For example, when I browse social media such as Instagram or search for information for my papers, sponsored posts and pop-ups appear frequently. As a result, ads feel almost unavoidable online.

提案: Clarify and correct grammar, use past tense consistently, avoid repetition, and add a concise reason and result. Limit to 3–4 sentences and use linking words like because and therefore.

例: Yes. The Winter Soil milk commercial impressed me when I was a child because it used the song “Stand By Me,” which stuck in my memory. Because of that catchy tune, I still remember both the lyrics and the brand decades later.

提案: Organize answer: give a clear topic sentence, then specific examples with linking words, avoid repetition. Use plural/singular consistently and finish the sentence. Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I notice many advertisements on public transport. For instance, MTR platforms display posters for insurance companies, medical products and property developments. I also see promotional ads on buses and trams, often for concerts or pop stars.

提案: Be direct and avoid unclear phrases. Start with an overall opinion, then present two contrasting reasons using linking words (on one hand / on the other hand). Remove filler words and clarify the point about celebrities.

例: I have mixed feelings about advertisements. On one hand, many ads annoy me because they promote products I do not need. On the other hand, I enjoy ads that feature celebrities or well-made stories because they are entertaining.

提案: Define terms briefly and give a clear preference with specific reasons and examples. Use linking words and correct grammar (e.g., 'contain a story' -> 'contains a story'). Keep to 3–4 sentences.

例: I prefer soft advertising rather than hard selling. Soft ads often use storytelling, as many Thai commercials do, and this emotional approach resonates with me. Therefore I find them more memorable and persuasive.

× I often see advertisement when I am using my phone say umm when I'm browsing some social medias like Instagram and also when I am searching for some websites or for my paper, I may see some advertisementlikecreep.com on my computer.

✓ I often see advertisements when I am using my phone, for example when I'm browsing social media like Instagram, and also when I am searching websites or doing research for my paper, I may see advertisements like creep.com on my computer.

The sentence uses singular 'advertisement' and plural 'social medias' incorrectly. 'Advertisement' should be plural (advertisements) because the speaker refers to multiple instances. 'Social media' is an uncountable noun, so use 'social media' not 'social medias'. Also 'searching for some websites' is better as 'searching websites' or 'searching for websites'; 'for my paper' more naturally 'doing research for my paper'. Improve clarity by adding articles and commas. Suggestion: Use plural for countable nouns when referring to multiple items and use 'social media' as an uncountable noun.

× So advertisement is everywhere simply.

✓ So advertisements are simply everywhere.

The original uses singular 'advertisement' but refers generally to advertisements; use plural 'advertisements' or a general noun phrase. Also verb should agree with plural (are). Reorder to natural adverb placement: 'simply everywhere'. Suggestion: Match noun number with verb and place adverbs after the verb or at sentence end for natural flow.

× I would say the advertisement by Winter Soil, which is a milk in Hong Kong, leave me a really, really bright impression because the advertisement is umm has a has a song called Stand By Me and that song is really deep into my mind when I was a kid and I still remember the lyrics and the product right now.

✓ I would say the advertisement by Winter Soil, which is a milk brand in Hong Kong, left me with a very strong impression because the advertisement has a song called 'Stand By Me' and that song stayed in my mind when I was a kid; I still remember the lyrics and the product now.

Multiple issues: 'is a milk' is incorrect; use 'a milk brand' or 'a dairy brand' (article use and noun choice). Tense mismatch: 'leave me' should be past 'left me' because the ad made an impression in the past. Redundant fragments 'is umm has a has a' corrected to 'has a'. Use simpler structure and correct tense agreement. Also include article 'the' or rephrase for clarity. Suggestion: Use accurate noun phrases ('milk brand'), ensure past events use past tense, and eliminate filler repetitions.

× Yes, I see a lot of advertisements on trains especially on MTR stations like when I am waiting for the train, the platforms have a lot of advertisements like for AIA or for some medical products or for some housing.

✓ Yes, I see a lot of advertisements on trains, especially in MTR stations. When I am waiting for the train, the platforms have many advertisements for companies like AIA, medical products, or housing developments.

'On MTR stations' should be 'in MTR stations' (preposition issue but also word choice). 'A lot of advertisements' is fine; 'some housing' is vague—use 'housing developments' or 'property' to be natural. Also changed 'like for AIA or for some medical products or for some housing' to a clearer list. Suggestion: Use 'in' with 'stations' and choose appropriate nouns for what advertisements promote.

× And also I also see some advertisements on bus and for trams like those for some pop stars like there are a lot of.

✓ I also see some advertisements on buses and trams, for example many promote pop stars.

Preposition and number errors: 'on bus' should be 'on buses'; 'for trams' is awkward—use 'on trams'. The clause 'like those for some pop stars like there are a lot of' is incomplete and redundant; simplify to 'many promote pop stars'. Suggestion: Ensure plural forms for vehicles and use concise clauses to complete thoughts.

× I think my attitude is quite social. Social on advertisement.

✓ I think my attitude toward advertisements is quite relaxed.

Fragment 'Social on advertisement' is ungrammatical and vague. 'Attitude toward advertisements' is the correct prepositional phrase. 'Social' is not an appropriate adjective here; likely meant 'positive' or 'relaxed'. Suggestion: Use a clear adjective describing attitude and include the correct preposition 'toward' or 'about'.

× On one hand, I may think some advertisements are quite annoying, especially when it comes to some products that I really I really don't need.

✓ On one hand, I think some advertisements are quite annoying, especially when they promote products that I really don't need.

Reduce redundancy 'I really I really' and fix pronoun reference: 'when it comes to some products' better as 'when they promote products'. Also remove modal 'may' to match speaker's assertion; present tense is fine for general statements. Suggestion: Avoid repetition and make pronoun references explicit.

× But I may like advertisement when the advertisement umm showcased by stars, but the stars that are celebrities that are like like hints.

✓ But I may like an advertisement when it is showcased by a celebrity, although the celebrities sometimes only give subtle hints.

Pronoun reference and article errors: 'like advertisement' should be 'an advertisement' or 'advertisements'. 'When the advertisement showcased by stars' lacks verb 'is showcased'. Repetition 'like like hints' unclear; changed to 'subtle hints' for clarity. Suggestion: Use the passive correctly ('is showcased') or active ('when a celebrity showcases it'), include articles, and avoid repetition.

× There are two kinds of advertisements. One kind is soft advertising and another one is hard advertising and I prefer the soft advertising more especially when advertisement is containing a story like in Thailand.

✓ There are two kinds of advertisements. One is soft advertising and the other is hard advertising, and I prefer soft advertising, especially when an advertisement contains a story, as many Thai ads do.

Use 'the other' not 'another one' for two items. 'I prefer the soft advertising more' is wordy; use 'I prefer soft advertising'. 'Advertisement is containing' is incorrect; use 'an advertisement contains'. Clarified 'like in Thailand' to 'as many Thai ads do'. Suggestion: For two alternatives use 'one... the other...', prefer concise phrasing, and use simple present for general truths.

× A lot of advertisements and UMM promote a product by having a strong storyline which resonates with me.

✓ A lot of advertisements promote a product by using a strong storyline that resonates with me.

Unnecessary 'and UMM' removed. 'Promote a product by having a strong storyline' is acceptable but 'by using a strong storyline' is more natural. 'Which resonates' changed to 'that resonates' for restrictive clause. Suggestion: Remove filler words, use natural verb+ -ing constructions when appropriate, and choose 'that' for essential clauses.