Advertisement— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and direct in your topic sentence, avoid repetition, and add one specific detail to make the memory vivid (e.g., a scene, slogan, or character). Use a linking word to connect sentences smoothly.

例: Yes. One advertisement that stayed with me was a soft drink commercial where a shy teenager drinks the soda and suddenly has the courage to join a cliff-jumping group. The ad’s catchy slogan, “Taste the courage,” and the scene of the jump made it memorable, so I used to replay that scene in my mind.

提案: Start with a clear direct answer, then give one or two concise, specific reasons. Avoid vague phrases and tighten grammar (e.g., ‘important part’ not ‘step’). Use a linking word to connect reason and consequence.

例: Yes, I do. Trains carry many ads because they reach large numbers of commuters, so companies place posters and digital screens there. In addition, social media complements these campaigns by targeting the same commuters online.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence (e.g., ‘Yes, I like adverts’), avoid filler words and repetition, and explain briefly why you prefer funny or adventurous ads with a specific reason or example.

例: Yes, I do. I prefer funny adverts because they make me laugh and remember the product, and I also enjoy adventurous ads because they feel exciting. For example, a recent humorous phone ad made me smile and remember the brand’s name.

提案: Open with a concise topic sentence, then provide one or two specific features you like and explain why using a linking word. Avoid redundancy (‘like’ repeated) and minor grammar errors.

例: I enjoy ads that use CGI and dramatic stunts because they create a strong visual impact and feel inspiring. For instance, a cola commercial with CGI mountains and a stunt cyclist left a lasting impression on me because it looked cinematic and exciting.

提案: Give a direct answer and then a clear specific example of the type of ads you see. Fix grammar (e.g., ‘pop up’, ‘when I open Instagram I often see…’) and avoid hesitations. Use linking words to join ideas logically.

例: Yes, I often see ads on my phone and computer. For example, when I open Instagram I frequently get pop-up ads for clothes and shoes, and later I may see similar product suggestions while browsing websites.

× Yes, I always used to watch a lot of movies in my TV when I was a child.

✓ I always used to watch a lot of movies on my TV when I was a child.

Incorrect use of prepositions (ID 11). The correct preposition for devices and screens is 'on' not 'in'. Use 'on my TV'.

× So there's this one advertisement I really admire.

✓ There was one advertisement I really admired.

Present tense issue (ID 6) and tense consistency: The student refers to a childhood memory, so past tense 'was' and 'admired' are appropriate. Change 'there's' to 'there was' and 'admire' to 'admired' to match past time frame.

× So it was in cold drink advertisement.

✓ It was in a cold drink advertisement.

Article errors (ID 22): A countable singular noun 'cold drink advertisement' needs the indefinite article 'a'. Also word order improved by adding 'a'.

× It was about a person drinking the cold drink and getting courage to do adventurous things.

✓ It showed a person drinking a cold drink and gaining the courage to do adventurous things.

Sentence structure errors (ID 26) and verb choice: 'It was about' is acceptable but less natural; 'showed' fits an advertisement. Use 'a cold drink' (article) and 'gaining the courage' or 'getting the courage' is acceptable; 'gaining' is more formal. Adjusted for clarity.

× So I I was always looking up to, to that.

✓ So I was always looking up to that.

Sentence structure errors (ID 26) and repetition: Remove duplicated 'I' and repeated 'to'. 'Looking up to that' is the correct phrase; dropping extra words fixes redundancy.

× We see a lot of advertisements in public places and social media has become an important step for the business strategies.

✓ We see a lot of advertisements in public places, and social media has become an important part of business strategies.

Present tense and word choice: 'part' is the correct noun, not 'step', and 'business strategies' does not need 'the'. Added a comma before 'and' to join clauses.

× So we usually see a lot of advertisements in train because most of the people use train as their mode of transport.

✓ So we usually see a lot of advertisements on trains because most people use trains as their mode of transport.

Incorrect use of prepositions and plural/singular (IDs 11 and 1): Use 'on trains' (preposition for public transport) and plural 'trains' when speaking generally; also 'most people' not 'most of the people' for general statements.

× So yes, we see a lot of.

✓ So yes, we see a lot of advertisements.

Sentence structure/subject-verb agreement (ID 27): The original sentence is incomplete; it ends abruptly. Restore the omitted object 'advertisements' to complete the thought.

× Yes, there are a lot of advertisements alike.

✓ Yes, there are a lot of similar advertisements.

Incorrect use of adjectives or adverbs (ID 13): 'alike' is used incorrectly; 'similar' modifies 'advertisements'. Reorder to 'similar advertisements'.

× Uh, I I usually prefer the most funnier, funnier advertisements and also the adventurous advertisements.

✓ I usually prefer the funniest and the more adventurous advertisements.

Comparative and superlative errors and adjective usage (IDs 25 and 13): 'most funnier' is incorrect—use 'funniest' for the superlative or 'funnier' for comparative. Here 'the funniest' fits. Also remove duplicate 'I' and avoid repeating 'funnier'.

× As I also mentioned, I used to enjoy as a kid the soft drink advertisement, but now I really enjoy the funnier advertisements.

✓ As I mentioned, I used to enjoy the soft drink advertisement as a kid, but now I really enjoy the funnier advertisements.

Tense and word order (ID 6): Reorder phrase 'as a kid' to follow the verb for natural English. 'As I also mentioned' is wordy; 'As I mentioned' is sufficient. 'Funnier' is acceptable if comparing, but 'funniest' could be used if intended.

× I like the advertisements which include a lot of CGI graphics and the adventurous stunts.

✓ I like advertisements that include a lot of CGI graphics and adventurous stunts.

Incorrect use of the definite article and relative pronoun (IDs 17 and 12): Drop 'the' before 'adventurous stunts' when speaking generally. Use 'that' instead of 'which' for defining relative clauses in spoken English.

× I like seeing the models in the advertisements doing amazing stunts which inspires me a lot of time.

✓ I like seeing the models in advertisements doing amazing stunts, which inspires me a lot of the time.

Verb in the past participle form / adverb placement (IDs 9 and 20): 'inspires' should agree with the noun phrase 'seeing...doing', but adding a comma and 'the time' corrects idiom 'a lot of the time'. Also removed 'the' before 'advertisements' for generality.

× So I really enjoy this these kind of advertisements.

✓ So I really enjoy these kinds of advertisements.

Sentence structure and number agreement (ID 26 and 1): Use 'these kinds of' (plural) or 'this kind of' (singular). 'This these' is a mistaken combination; correct to 'these kinds of'.

× Yes, there are a lot of advertisements that will be popping up when I use my phone.

✓ Yes, a lot of advertisements pop up when I use my phone.

Present tense and modal/auxiliary usage (IDs 6 and 4): 'will be popping up' is unnecessary future; use simple present 'pop up' for habitual actions. Also remove 'there are' for a more natural sentence.

× So the first advertisement I would see when I open my Instagram.

✓ So the first advertisements I see when I open Instagram are usually about clothes, maybe shoes.

Sentence structure errors (ID 26): Original sentence is incomplete. Recast to complete thought and match student's intended meaning. Changed tense to simple present for habitual action and adjusted 'my Instagram' to 'Instagram' for natural usage.

× I work clothes, maybe I wear shoes.

✓ They are about work clothes or shoes.

Incorrect use of pronouns/prepositions and sentence structure (IDs 11 and 12): 'I work clothes' is incorrect; likely intended 'work clothes'. Rephrased to 'They are about work clothes or shoes' to clarify subject and meaning.