Advertisement— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and coherent: start with a clear topic sentence, then give specific details and link them logically. Correct grammar and choose precise vocabulary (e.g., 'road safety' not 'rose safety'). Keep to 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes. A public service announcement about road safety in Thailand left a strong impression on me when I was a child. It told the emotional story of a child who lost a toy in an accident, which made the message very memorable. Because the ad used real people and a sad soundtrack, it made me more careful near traffic.

提案: Reduce repetition and fix word choice errors. Begin with a direct response, then give specific examples and use linking words like 'for example' or 'such as'. Stay within 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I do. I often notice advertisements on trains and buses, especially posters and digital screens. For example, I frequently see promotions for films, mobile apps, and local restaurants during my commute.

提案: Be specific and avoid unclear phrases. State the main reason, then add clear supporting details and link them. Replace vague or incorrect words (e.g., 'space shield offers') with accurate terms like 'special offers' or 'discounts'.

例: Yes, I do. I like advertisements because they inform me about new products and special offers. Also, some ads are entertaining and memorable, which makes me more likely to try a product.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence and give concrete reasons and examples. Avoid unclear phrases and incorrect word forms; use precise vocabulary (e.g., 'tech ads', 'product features'). Use linking words to connect ideas.

例: I prefer technology advertisements because they clearly highlight new features and design improvements. For example, ads for smartphones or laptops often show how a new camera or battery life works, which helps me decide whether to buy them.

提案: Be concise and correct small grammatical errors. Provide one or two specific details about where and how ads appear, using linking words like 'for example' or 'often'.

例: Yes, I often see ads on my phone, especially when I'm using social media apps like Instagram and TikTok. For example, ads appear between videos or at the top of the feed, and some are short videos while others are sponsored posts.

× But I was a child.

✓ When I was a child,

The original sentence is not wrong grammatically but incomplete as an answer opener; starting with 'But' is inappropriate. Use 'When I was a child' to indicate time correctly and provide a proper sentence beginning.

× A public service announcement about rose safety in Thailand leaves a strong impressive on me, a toy.

✓ A public service announcement about road safety in Thailand left a strong impression on me; it featured a toy.

Errors: 'rose' should be 'road' (word choice), 'leaves' should be past tense 'left' to match reference to childhood, 'strong impressive' is incorrect adjective/noun order and form — use 'strong impression', and sentence structure unclear — separate clause to explain 'a toy'. Suggestion: use past tense and correct noun phrase order.

× A heartbreaking story.

✓ It told a heartbreaking story.

Fragment: sentence lacks a verb. Convert to a full sentence by adding a subject and verb to explain what the announcement did.

× Yes I I do.

✓ Yes, I do.

Typo and repetition 'I I' should be single 'I'. Add comma after 'Yes' for natural speech punctuation.

× I often notice advertisement on trend and buses, especially poster and digital screen promoting films, mobile apps and local restaurants.

✓ I often notice advertisements on trains and buses, especially posters and digital screens promoting films, mobile apps, and local restaurants.

Multiple errors: 'advertisement' should be plural 'advertisements' to match general statement, 'trend' likely 'trains', preposition 'on trains and buses' is correct, 'poster' and 'digital screen' should be plural to match 'especially', and add commas for list clarity.

× Yes I do. I really like advertisements because they inform me about new products and space shield offers and some are entertaining so they catch my.

✓ Yes, I do. I really like advertisements because they inform me about new products and special offers, and some are entertaining so they catch my attention.

Errors: 'space shield offers' is incorrect — likely 'special offers'; missing noun 'attention' after 'catch my'; punctuation improvements and use of commas to separate clauses.

× I prefer technology advertisements, especially products runs at for combined light Apple because they highlight new infusion clearly and usually wishes.

✓ I prefer technology advertisements, especially those for combined devices from Apple, because they clearly highlight new features and innovations.

Many issues: unclear phrase 'products runs at for combined light Apple' — rephrased to 'those for combined devices from Apple'; 'infusion' should be 'innovations' or 'features'; 'usually wishes' incorrect — removed. Restructure sentence for clarity and correct word choice.

× I often see advertisement on my phone, especially when I'm using social media apps like Instagram and Tiktok.

✓ I often see advertisements on my phone, especially when I'm using social media apps like Instagram and TikTok.

Use plural 'advertisements' for general statements; 'TikTok' spelling corrected; otherwise preposition use is fine.

× They appear between video or at the top of the feed we.

✓ They appear between videos or at the top of the feed.

Errors: plural 'videos' needed, 'or' correct to join alternatives, extraneous 'we' removed. Place words to form a complete, natural sentence.