Dreams— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 回答直接表达了童年梦想，也提供了榜样和努力的细节，内容比较完整。不过存在明显的语法和搭配问题：应说“had a passion for becoming a professional football player”，而不是“doing”；“Cristiano Ronaldo”的拼写需要注意；“follow his step”应改为“follow in his footsteps”。另外，“He’s a professional football player then...”连接不自然，可以使用“Because he was a professional footballer, I wanted to...”来增强逻辑。

例: Yes, I remember that I dreamed of becoming a professional football player when I was a child. My role model was Cristiano Ronaldo because of his incredible skills and strong work ethic. As a result, I practised regularly and worked hard to get closer to my dream.

提案: 回答了问题，并说明了分享梦想的对象和原因，方向正确。但“share my dreams to”应改为“share my dreams with”，“peers”在这里可以用更自然的“friends”；整句话过长，连续使用“then”导致结构不清。建议拆成两到三句，并使用“so”或“because”表达因果，同时具体说明别人能提供什么帮助，例如训练建议或学习与运动之间的平衡。

例: Yes, I often share my dreams with my friends, parents, and teachers. I do this because they can give me useful advice, such as how to improve my football skills or manage my time. Their support helps me stay focused and choose the right path.

提案: 回答结构清晰，先给出观点，再解释原因并举例，内容也符合题目要求。需要改进的是“give people great goals”表达不够自然，可以说“give people a sense of purpose”；“time and efforts”应改为“time and effort”；“When someone has a dream”后面最好加逗号。例子可以更具体，并避免“working long hours”这种可能过于笼统的表达。

例: Yes, I think dreams can have special meanings because they give people a sense of purpose and motivation. When someone has a clear dream, they are often willing to devote time and effort to achieving it. For instance, an aspiring footballer may practise every day and learn from their mistakes.

提案: 回答明确表达了愿望，也说明了成为足球运动员的影响，内容有发展空间。但句子过长，缺少清晰的连接；“my celebrities”不自然，应改为“my celebrity role model”或直接说“Cristiano Ronaldo”；“Christiana Ronaldo did the same things”语法和表达都不准确。建议使用“so that”说明目的，并具体解释你将如何成为榜样，例如通过努力、坚持和鼓励年轻人。

例: Definitely. I am passionate about becoming a professional football player in Hong Kong. I hope to become a role model for younger people by showing them the importance of hard work and perseverance. Cristiano Ronaldo inspires me, so I would also like to encourage others to pursue their goals.

× I had a passion for doing a professional football player.

✓ I had a passion for becoming a professional football player.

介词 for 后面通常接动名词（动词-ing形式）。这里的 doing 不能表达“成为”，应使用 becoming。

× I want to follow his step.

✓ I want to follow his steps.

His 后面指的是多个步骤，因此 step 应使用复数形式 steps。

× He's a professional football player then I want to follow his steps.

✓ He's a professional football player, so I want to follow his steps.

这里前后是因果关系，不是时间顺序，因此应使用表示“所以”的 so，而不是 then。

× So I practice a lot and work hard to make my dream come true.

✓ So I practiced a lot and worked hard to make my dream come true.

句子描述的是小时候的经历，与 when I was a child 对应，因此 practice 和 work 应使用过去式 practiced 和 worked。

× Of course I will share my dreams with my peers, my parents and my teachers.

✓ Of course I share my dreams with my peers, my parents and my teachers.

问题是询问一般习惯“你会不会分享梦想”，所以应使用一般现在时 share，而不是表示将来的 will share。

× I will share my dreams to my peers, my parents and my teachers.

✓ I will share my dreams with my peers, my parents and my teachers.

share something with somebody 是固定搭配，表示“与某人分享某事”，不能使用 share something to somebody。

× They can give me some better advice or some suggestions that I need to do now.

✓ They can give me better advice or suggestions about what I need to do now.

Suggestions 后面不能直接用 that I need to do 来表达“我需要做什么的建议”。使用 about what I need to do，句子结构更完整、正确。

× Then I can go to the right path to make my dream come true.

✓ Then I can follow the right path to make my dream come true.

表达“遵循正确的道路”时，英语通常使用 follow the right path，而不是 go to the right path。

× When someone has a dream, they stay passionate and dedicate time and efforts to achieve it.

✓ When someone has a dream, he or she stays passionate and dedicates time and effort to achieving it.

主语 someone 是第三人称单数，因此 stay 应改为 stays，dedicate 应改为 dedicates。另外，time and effort 通常使用不可数的单数形式。

× They dedicate time and efforts to achieve it.

✓ They dedicate time and effort to achieve it.

Time and effort 在这里表示投入的时间和精力，effort 通常作为不可数名词使用，因此不需要加复数词尾 -s。

× For example, learning new skills or working long hours until they reach their objective.

✓ For example, they may learn new skills or work long hours until they reach their objective.

原句只有动名词短语 learning 和 working，没有完整的主语和谓语，因此是句子片段。加入主语 they 和谓语 may learn/work 后，句子结构完整。

× I'm really passionate and motivated to become a professional football player in Hong Kong, then I can become a role model for the young generation.

✓ I'm really passionate and motivated to become a professional football player in Hong Kong, so I can become a role model for the young generation.

前后内容是目的或因果关系，应使用 so，而不是表示先后顺序的 then。

× I want to inspire others to become better like my celebrities.

✓ I want to inspire others to become as good as my celebrity role model.

比较两个人的能力或水平时，应使用 as + 形容词原级 + as。Become better like 的比较结构不正确，且这里应表达“像我的名人榜样一样优秀”。

× Like my celebrities.

✓ Like my celebrity role model.

句子中只提到一个榜样，因此 celebrity 应使用单数形式，并用 role model 明确表达“榜样”的意思。

× Cristiano Ronaldo did the same things.

✓ Cristiano Ronaldo does the same thing.

这里是在描述一个现在仍然成立的事实或行为，应使用一般现在时 does，而不是过去时 did。表达相同的行为时，the same thing 更自然。