Relax— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 문장이 자연스럽지 않고 시제·문법 오류가 있습니다. 더 간결하게 주제문을 말하고(shower with cold water → take a cold shower), 연결어로 순서를 명확히 하세요. 또한 최대 5문장 이내로 유지하고 반복을 피하세요. 예: 주제문 → 방법(한두가지 구체적 세부사항) → 이유.

例: Recently I usually relax by taking a cold shower. After the shower, I often eat something sweet like chocolate to calm down. These small routines help me unwind quickly before I continue with my day.

提案: 의견은 분명하지만 표현이 다소 반복적입니다("alone"과 "by myself","silence room" 반복). 자연스럽게 연결어를 사용해 이유를 덧붙이고 어휘를 정확히 사용하세요 (silent room). 문장 수를 3문장 내로 유지하세요.

例: I usually prefer to relax alone because I find social interaction tiring. I like to sit in a quiet, silent room where I can think and recharge. This helps me feel more peaceful and focused.

提案: 일관된 주어 사용과 더 정확한 표현이 필요합니다("depends on your day, how you spend"는 어색). 장르 표현은 'classical' 사용이 맞습니다. 이유나 예시를 한 문장 더 덧붙여 구체화하세요.

例: I think music can be relaxing, but it depends on the kind of day I have. For example, I find jazz or classical music calming because their slow tempo helps me slow down and focus on my breathing.

提案: 시제·어순·정관사 오류가 있습니다('I took shower cold shower 1st' → 'I take a cold shower first'). 행동을 순서대로 간결하게 말하되 불필요한 반복을 피하세요. 연결어(first, then, afterward)로 흐름을 명확히 하고 최대 4문장으로 표현하세요.

例: First, I take a cold shower to refresh myself. Then I usually have a sweet snack like chocolate to comfort myself. Finally, I lie on my bed and rest for a short nap to fully relax.

× To release my stress, first I go to the bathroom and I took shower with a cold with with cold water and then after shower I find some sweet food to eat.

✓ To relieve my stress, first I go to the bathroom and take a cold shower, and then after the shower I find some sweet snack to eat.

The student mixed present and past tenses ('go' present, 'took' past, 'find' present). Maintain consistent tense; because the question asks about recent habitual action, use present simple. Also corrected word choice: 'relieve' instead of 'release', 'cold shower' word order, and 'sweet snack' for countability. Suggestion: use present simple for habitual actions and keep verb forms consistent.

× I don't prefer to relax with somebody because I like to be alone.

✓ I don't prefer to relax with anyone because I like to be alone.

Using 'somebody' in negative contexts is unnatural in English; use 'anyone' with negatives. Suggestion: use 'anyone' after negative verbs (don't, didn't) to make the sentence natural.

× I like to be in a silence room and relax by myself in a quiet space.

✓ I like to be in a silent room and relax by myself in a quiet space.

The noun 'room' needs the adjective 'silent' (not the noun 'silence'). 'Silent' describes a room. Suggestion: choose adjective forms to modify nouns (silent room, quiet space).

× It depends on your day, how you spend, but I think listening to music is relaxing, especially like jazz or classic music.

✓ It depends on your day and how you spend it, but I think listening to music is relaxing, especially jazz or classical music.

Missing object for 'spend'—you need 'spend it' or 'how your day goes'. Also 'classic music' should be 'classical music' and remove 'like' before genres. Suggestion: include pronoun objects after verbs that require them and use correct genre adjectives.

× As I said before I took shower cold shower 1st and then I get some sweet candies or chocolates, some snacks and then after that I go to my room and lay on my bed and sleep.

✓ As I said before, I take a cold shower first, then I get some sweet candies or chocolates and snacks, and after that I go to my room and lie on my bed and sleep.

Mixed tenses: 'took' past, 'get' present, 'go' present. For habitual actions use present simple (take, get, go). Also 'lay' is incorrect; 'lie' is the intransitive verb meaning to recline. Suggestion: keep present simple for routines and use correct verb 'lie' for reclining.