Relax— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Начните с чётного тематического предложения и избегайте грамматических ошибок и повторов. Используйте связки для логичности и сократите ответ до 2–4 предложений. Конкретизируйте: какое место в парке вам нравится, что именно вы там делаете (например, гуляю, сажусь на скамейке, читаю).

例: Lately I usually go to the local park to relax. I like sitting on a quiet bench under the trees and reading, because the fresh air and green surroundings help me forget about academic tasks and feel calmer.

提案: Выражайте мысль ясно: используйте простое связное предложение, избегайте неверных конструкций (например, "prefer it's doing alone myself") и повторов. Дайте конкретный пример того, что вы делаете в одиночестве, и используйте связку для пояснения причин.

例: I usually prefer to relax alone because I find it easier to think and recharge. For example, I might sit quietly and reflect on future plans or imagine different possibilities without distractions.

提案: Уберите междометия и паузы (uh), стройте полные предложения. Используйте контрастные связки (for example, when... whereas...). Конкретизируйте жанры или примеры музыки и закончите мысль о том, что вы делаете, когда счастливы.

例: It depends. Music can be very relaxing: when I'm sad I prefer slow, mellow songs because they help me process my emotions, whereas when I'm happy I listen to upbeat music to celebrate and keep my energy up.

提案: Начните с чёткой темы и используйте 2–3 коротких предложения. Избегайте повторов (two "I'm") и ошибок согласования ("drawing helps"). Добавьте конкретику: какие предметы вы рисуете и как это помогает (например, сосредоточиться, снизить стресс).

例: I have several ways to relax, but my favourite is drawing. Sketching simple scenes or portraits helps me concentrate and forget about stress, and I often spend half an hour drawing to calm down.

× There are several places I go to relax sometimes the first one is parks.

✓ There are several places I go to relax; sometimes the first one is a park.

The word 'parks' is plural but the sentence refers to 'the first one', a singular item, so a singular noun 'a park' is required. Use a semicolon or period to separate clauses and ensure noun number matches the referring expression.

× Is the best way to escape from busy lifestyle and just annoyed forgetting our busy daily responsibilities and academical tasks.

✓ It is the best way to escape from a busy lifestyle and forget our daily responsibilities and academic tasks.

Sentence lacked a clear subject and had incorrect word forms: 'Is' should be 'It is'; 'busy lifestyle' needs an article 'a'; 'just annoyed forgetting' is ungrammatical and should be 'forget'; 'academical' is incorrect adjective form — use 'academic'. Reorder words for clarity.

× It gives me a chance to just relax.

✓ It gives me a chance to relax.

Placement of 'just' is unnecessary and awkward here. Removing 'just' makes the sentence more natural while preserving meaning.

× Actually I'm not a big fan to relax with someone, I prefer it's doing alone myself.

✓ Actually, I'm not a big fan of relaxing with someone; I prefer doing it alone.

Use of prepositions: 'fan to' is incorrect, correct phrase is 'fan of'. 'Relax with someone' needs gerund 'relaxing'. 'I prefer it's doing alone myself' is ungrammatical — use 'I prefer doing it alone' and avoid redundant reflexive 'myself'.

× So it would be better that I'm alone just sitting down, remembering what what will be happen in the future, just imagining my.

✓ So it is better when I am alone, just sitting down, remembering what will happen in the future and imagining things.

Issues: 'would be better that I'm alone' is unnatural — use 'is better when I am alone'. Duplicate 'what what'. 'will be happen' is incorrect verb form; correct is 'will happen'. 'imagining my' is incomplete; use 'imagining things'. Reorder for parallel gerunds.

× It depends, uh, listening to music, it helps people recharge.

✓ It depends. Listening to music helps people recharge.

Unnecessary commas and repetition of subject 'it'. Use a sentence break and the gerund 'listening' as subject without extra 'it'.

× So when I'm, uh, sad, uh, have a bad mood, uh, I would prefer uh, to listen uh, some, uh, slowly music because it, it gives me a chance to express my emotions and uh, in contrast, uh, if I'm happy, I.

✓ So when I'm sad or in a bad mood, I prefer to listen to slow music because it gives me a chance to express my emotions; in contrast, if I'm happy, I listen to upbeat music.

Multiple problems: missing subject in 'have a bad mood' — use 'I'm in a bad mood'; 'prefer to listen some slowly music' has incorrect article and adverb/adjective order — use 'listen to slow music'. Remove filler 'uh' and duplicated 'it'. Sentence was incomplete at the end; complete with a contrasting clause 'I listen to upbeat music'.

× There are several activities when I'm I'm when I want to relax.

✓ There are several activities I do when I want to relax.

Redundant repetition 'I'm I'm when I' is incorrect. Use a concise relative clause: 'activities I do when I want to relax.'

× So the first one is I draw.

✓ The first is that I draw.

Better phrasing uses a noun clause 'that I draw' to explain the activity. Alternatively: 'First, I draw.' Use of pronoun structure corrected.

× So drawing is helps me to focus on my tasks and just forget my busy daily lifestyle.

✓ Drawing helps me to focus on my tasks and forget my busy daily life.

Remove auxiliary 'is' before 'helps'. 'Forget my busy daily lifestyle' is awkward — use 'forget my busy daily life'. Keep parallel verbs 'focus' and 'forget'.