Relax— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Use correct tense and a clearer structure: start with a direct topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid redundancy and small grammar errors.

例: I usually go to the shore to relax because I live nearby. For example, I like to bring my dog and watch the sunset, and I enjoy seeing the fish and watching people stroll along the beach.

提案: Give a concise direct answer first and then provide one clear reason. Avoid repeating the same idea and reduce filler phrases like 'I would say'.

例: I usually relax by myself, although sometimes I take my dog with me. Because I'm quite shy, I find being alone or with my dog helps me feel calm and not pressured to talk.

提案: Be specific about what types of music you find relaxing and use linking words to make it coherent. Correct word choices (e.g. 'lively' vs 'calming') and avoid vague statements.

例: Yes, I find music relaxing, especially calm jazz or slow acoustic songs. For instance, soft piano or mellow jazz helps me unwind after a long day.

提案: Start with a topic sentence naming two or three main activities, then briefly explain why each helps. Avoid long, repetitive explanations and correct grammar (e.g. 'walking' not 'walk').

例: To relax, I usually go for a walk or run, pet my dog, and sometimes eat a nice meal. Walking clears my mind, petting my dog reduces stress, and eating with a friend helps me feel comfortable and happy.

× I often went to the shore because I live near and I'd also like to bring my dog and enjoy the sunsets.

✓ I often go to the shore because I live nearby, and I also like to bring my dog and enjoy the sunsets.

The student used past tense 'went' while describing a habitual action that still applies, so present simple 'go' is correct for habits. Also 'near' should be 'nearby' as an adverb. Suggestion: use present simple for regular activities (I often go, I usually walk).

× Also the fishes I'd love to see and the people around the shore.

✓ I also love to see the fish and the people around the shore.

This fragment lacks a clear verb structure and uses plural 'fishes' incorrectly for general reference; 'fish' is the plural form in general contexts. The corrected sentence completes the clause with subject and verb. Suggestion: ensure each sentence has a subject and finite verb and use 'fish' for general plural.

× Usually by myself, sometimes with my dog because I am a very I would say shy and cannot communicate very clearly.

✓ Usually I relax by myself, sometimes with my dog, because I am, I would say, shy and cannot communicate very clearly.

The original lacks an explicit subject at the start and has awkward insertion 'I am a very I would say shy'. Correction adds 'I relax' as subject and verb and reorders the parenthetical phrase for clarity. Suggestion: include the subject and avoid repeating 'I' unnecessarily.

× I'm socially awkward to be honest so I prefer being alone and I can find relaxation with myself.

✓ I'm socially awkward, to be honest, so I prefer being alone and can find relaxation on my own.

Phrase 'find relaxation with myself' is unnatural; use 'on my own' or 'by myself'. Added commas for the parenthetical 'to be honest'. Suggestion: use idiomatic expressions like 'on my own' for self-relaxation.

× Especially when you listen to lively or more jazz and slow motion music.

✓ Especially when I listen to lively jazz or slow, mellow music.

The fragment begins with 'when you listen' but speaker refers to personal preference; change to 'I listen'. 'More jazz' is unclear and 'slow motion music' is incorrect collocation — use 'slow, mellow music'. Suggestion: match pronoun perspective and use natural adjective combinations.

× There's a lot of kinds of music.

✓ There are a lot of kinds of music.

Use plural verb 'are' with 'kinds' (plural) instead of 'there's' which contracts 'there is'. Also could say 'There are many kinds of music.' Suggestion: ensure subject-verb agreement with existential 'there' constructions.

× There's rock, but if you'd like a relaxing type, yes.

✓ There is rock, but if you want a relaxing type, then yes.

Mixes 'you'd like' (conditional) with general statement; 'you want' fits better. Also keeping 'there is rock' is acceptable for listing. Suggestion: use consistent mood (simple present) for general preferences.

× What I usually do to relax is to walk, running, eating.

✓ What I usually do to relax is walk, run, or eat.

Mixed verb forms: 'walk' (infinitive), 'running' (gerund), 'eating' (gerund). Coordinate verbs should share form: use base forms 'walk, run, or eat' after 'is'. Suggestion: keep parallel structure in lists.

× I know eating is a bit not so nice because it can cause a health problem if I eat too much, but I find it relaxation if I eat it, relaxing if I eat and petting my dog, talking with my friend.

✓ I know eating too much is not good because it can cause health problems, but I find it relaxing to eat, to pet my dog, or to talk with my friend.

Awkward phrasing 'a bit not so nice' and 'a health problem' should be 'not good' and 'health problems' for generality. Maintain parallel infinitive forms 'to eat, to pet, to talk' and use 'relaxing' (adjective) not 'relaxation' in that position. Suggestion: simplify and use parallel structures and general plural nouns for uncountable/unspecific problems.