Relax— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and complete your final sentence; start with a clear topic sentence and add two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct minor grammar (e.g. “5 minutes away” not “5 minutes far”).

例: I often relax at a nearby park about five minutes away from my home. It’s a peaceful spot beside a lake, so I usually sit on a bench and read or chat with friends. Because it’s quiet and green, I can unwind quickly after a busy day.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and separate ideas with linking words. Fix grammar (e.g. ‘family’ not ‘families’) and avoid redundancy. Limit to max 3–4 short sentences with specifics (when, what you do together).

例: I usually relax at the park with my dog in the evenings. I take him for a brisk walk and then sit and watch the lake while he rests. Occasionally I go with friends or my family when we want to chat and have a picnic.

提案: Start with a direct opinion sentence, then support it with two specific reasons using linking words (e.g. “because”, “for example”). Avoid vague phrases like “any time I get.” Keep sentences varied but concise.

例: Yes, I find listening to music the most relaxing activity. For example, slow instrumental tracks help me calm my mind after work, and upbeat songs lift my mood during exercise. Because music distracts me from stress, I turn to it regularly.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence listing one or two main activities, then give brief specific details and use linking words. Correct tense/capitalization (e.g. ‘I just dance’). Avoid repeating ‘listen to music’ multiple times.

例: To relax, I usually listen to music and sometimes draw. For example, I put on headphones and dance for ten minutes to release tension, or I sketch quietly for half an hour to feel calmer.

× Recently I have been going to a nearby park which is just 5 minutes far from my home.

✓ Recently I have been going to a nearby park which is just 5 minutes from my home.

Use 'from' not 'far from' with a time or distance expression; '5 minutes from my home' or '5 minutes away from my home' are correct. The original '5 minutes far' is ungrammatical.

× It is a very peaceful place near the lake and a very nice place to sit and chat with your friends or even alone.

✓ It is a very peaceful place by the lake and a nice place to sit and chat with friends or to sit alone.

Reduce repetition and improve parallel structure: use 'by the lake' or 'near the lake'; avoid repeating 'a very nice place' and make parallel infinitives ('to sit and chat' and 'to sit alone').

× So yeah, I have been going to the.

✓ So yeah, I have been going there.

The fragment 'to the' is incomplete; use the adverb 'there' to refer back to the park. Ensure sentences are complete and not cut off.

× In most cases I go there and relax with my dog because I always take him for a walk in the evening so but also I go out with my friends and families to relax.

✓ In most cases I go there and relax with my dog because I always take him for a walk in the evening, but I also go out with my friends and family to relax.

Remove redundant conjunctions ('so but also' is incorrect) and use correct noun form 'family' (not plural 'families') when referring to one's group. Add comma before 'but' to join clauses. Also 'friends and family' is the common phrase.

× They're in my free time.

✓ They are my company in my free time.

The original 'They're in my free time' is unclear and ungrammatical. Clarify meaning: if the student meant friends and family accompany them in free time, say 'They are my company in my free time' or 'I spend my free time with them.'

× In my opinion, listening to music is the most relaxing method for me and moreover, I always listen to music in any time I get and compared with other methods, I think music is the best way to relax.

✓ In my opinion, listening to music is the most relaxing method for me. Moreover, I always listen to music whenever I have time, and compared with other methods, I think music is the best way to relax.

Use 'whenever I have time' instead of 'in any time I get' for natural present-tense usage. Break long sentence into two for clarity and use appropriate adverb 'whenever'. Ensure consistent tense and natural phrasing.

× Generally speaking, I listen to music to relax myself and to some extent I draw as well, and in most cases I Just Dance and listen to music on my headphones from a busy day.

✓ Generally speaking, I listen to music to relax, and to some extent I draw as well. In most cases I just dance and listen to music on my headphones after a busy day.

Use lowercase 'just' not 'Just' and change 'from a busy day' to 'after a busy day' for correct preposition. Also remove 'myself' after 'relax' (unnecessary) and split into two sentences for clarity.