Relax— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid repetition and filler words. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail using a linking word. Also correct minor grammar (e.g. "for relaxing" → "to relax").

例: Recently I went to a local park to relax after a busy day. For example, walking on the grass and watching the sunset helps me clear my mind and feel refreshed.

提案: Good direct answer and reason. Improve by shortening phrasing, avoiding redundancy ("myself alone" and both "relax" and "unwind" together), and use a linking word to connect your reason smoothly.

例: I usually relax by myself because I prefer some quiet time; for instance, being alone lets me recharge without interruptions.

提案: Correct grammar ("listening soulful music" → "listening to soulful music", fix double words and verb agreement). Give one clear reason and a brief example, and avoid vague phrases like "further things." Use a linking word to connect reason and effect.

例: Yes, definitely. Listening to soulful music helps me relax because it calms my breathing and lets me concentrate better when I study.

提案: Reduce hesitations and repetitions, correct grammar ("Majorly" → "Mainly", "I would like to listening" → "I like listening"), and combine ideas into one clear, coherent answer using a linking word. Limit to at most five sentences.

例: Mainly I do two things to relax: I read novels to immerse myself in a different world, and I also listen to different kinds of music because it helps me unwind.

× Recently I went to the I went to a park for relaxing after a busy day because, uh, it is very beneficial to walk on the grass and to see a beautiful sunset.

✓ Recently I went to a park to relax after a busy day because it is very beneficial to walk on the grass and see a beautiful sunset.

The sentence repeats 'I went to the' and uses 'for relaxing' awkwardly. Use infinitive 'to relax' after 'went' to express purpose. Also remove the duplicate phrase and the filler 'uh'. Parallel structure: use 'walk on the grass and see a beautiful sunset' without the second 'to'. Improve by avoiding repetition and using the correct purpose infinitive.

× I usually spend time with myself alone to relax and to unwind because I don't want someone to encroach in my personal space.

✓ I usually spend time alone to relax and unwind because I don't want anyone to encroach on my personal space.

'Spend time with myself' is unnatural; use 'spend time alone'. 'Someone' is better as 'anyone' in negative contexts. Preposition 'encroach on' is correct, not 'encroach in'. Also remove redundant 'to' before 'unwind' for parallel verbs.

× Yes definitely, because listening soulful music is is very beneficial and makes me more relaxed and help me to focus on further things.

✓ Yes, definitely, because listening to soulful music is very beneficial, makes me more relaxed, and helps me focus on other things.

Need preposition 'to' after 'listening'. Remove duplicate 'is'. Verbs in a list must agree: use 'helps' to match singular subject 'listening to soulful music'. 'Further things' is unnatural; use 'other things'. Commas improve clarity.

× Majorly I do two things. First of all, I sometimes I read read a novel to relax my mind and sometimes I I would like to listening different types of music to relax my mind.

✓ Mainly I do two things. First, I sometimes read a novel to relax my mind, and sometimes I like listening to different types of music to relax.

'Majorly' is incorrect here; use 'mainly'. Remove repeated words 'I' and 'read'. Use 'like listening to' rather than 'would like to listening'. Use gerund with 'listening to' and 'different types of music'. Remove redundant final 'my mind' for conciseness and ensure parallel structure.